quilt, when finished by a group of ten women in the church who make them, was placed on the altar during services. As church members prayed for me and my healing, they tied a knot in the quilt. When I look at that beautiful, hand-pieced quilt, I know that prayers went into each knot and each stitch, and I am thankful that God puts it on the hearts of His followers to extend kindness and caring to those who are so greatly in need.
I have known many family members and friends who have had cancer, some of whom survived and some of whom did not. Even that knowledge did not quite prepare me for the reality of what it means to actually be a person who is receiving chemotherapy. I knew it would be challenging, but nothing can quite prepare you for the nausea (which is better for current patients than it was years ago, thanks to drugs administered with the chemo), the weakness, fever, numbness of the fingers, pain in the feet, etc. Even walking down our driveway to the mail box is the limit of what I am able to do some days, when I often walked the 1/8 mile out to the family farm and back four or five times a day without even thinking about it.
I think one of the most distressing side effects for me has been the loss of taste; some of the foods and beverages I loved best now don’t taste good to me. I was an avid Pepsi, Sierra Mist, and grape juice drinker -- now I find the cloying sweetness more than I can handle. I have become addicted instead to water with lemon juice and V-8 juice, because it lacks the sweetness of my former favorite drinks.
As a person who has always loved being around other people, another difficult thing for me has been the isolation of being too ill to go out, many days choosing to stay at home and watch TV or read on the living room couch with my two black Pugs, Roxie and Rambo. They know something is wrong with me, and their noses alert them when I’ve had chemo. Roxie was quite upset when I began losing my hair, and even after several months of seeing me bald, she still stares at me and lets me know she is worried at the change.
I moved one of my computers into the corner of the living room from my basement office, and began a new adventure of connecting with friends and family on Facebook. This was one of the best decisions I made for myself during this battle, as it allowed me to work on short stories for my publishing company without having to leave my “safe haven” in the living room. I can connect with the outside world at any hour day or night, which helps keep me from feeling as isolated as I might otherwise have done.
I decorated for the Christmas season early, realizing that I would not feel up to doing my usual sprucing up of the house after I began treatment. The themed Christmas trees in each room helped brighten the first few months, along with my collection of Christmas village houses displayed in several rooms. Finally, in early March, the long, cold winter urged me to slowly put them away, instead getting out silk flowers to turn my house into Spring.
This has been a good opportunity to stop and think about faith, about healing, about the God who cares so much for each of His children. He is never far from me, and when I feel discouraged and alone, I know I am not, because God will never leave us. I have read many good Christian fiction books over the last few months, getting time to delve into the extensive library I have collected over the past several years. I have also shared some of those books with Amish friends and neighbors who are avid readers.
I am very thankful for the caring and compassion of the physicians, nurses and staff in the Geisinger Group at Scenery Drive. They are patient and kind, helping cancer patients through the most difficult time in their lives. After the first treatment, I was more comfortable, knowing what to expect during the chemotherapy as well as the side effects that follow during the first week or so. Answers to questions were only a phone call or email away.
Cancer is a humbling experience, a growing one, and one that lets you reach deep inside yourself for the real meaning of life and love of family and friends. One learns to not “sweat the small stuff,” and that most of life really is “small stuff” when you compare it to the daily need to survive each moment, each hour, and each day. It teaches you the value of a cheery card, a caring phone call, the assurance of prayers for healing each and every day, even from strangers.
I know God wants the best for me as His child, and I am looking forward to a complete healing from the cancer. I believe God has a lot more for me to do, and I pray that I will use my remaining years wisely. Having gone through this experience, I am more aware of the pain and suffering in the world around me, the discouragement people feel, and the wonderful, uplifting help we can give to others by caring, praying, and sharing with them when they are going through a dark valley of illness, especially cancer.
Thank you, God, for being with me through this challenging time. Thank You for friends, family, my church family, and all those strangers who have been so kind and thoughtful. Thank you for another hour, another day, and another year to share Your love to others around me. Thank you for life, love, and happiness that comes from You even in the midst of the hardest times. We can make it -- because of Your love -- and knowing that our lives are really in Your hands, today and always. You turn our tears of discouragement, fear, pain and sorrow into joy, knowing that we are always in Your care.
Barbara lives in Madisonburg, PA, with her husband John and daughter Michelle. She is retired from Penn State, and writes regularly for Union Gospel Press of Cleveland, OH. You can reach her by email at: [email protected].
A Sprinkle of FUN from the Author…
Martha’s Way or My Way…
Martha’s Way: Don’t throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze it into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.
My Way: What leftover wine?
Mamie
Erika Airhart
October 12, 2009 was a day that I will never forget. My grandmother, who I fondly called “Mamie,” passed away after a long battle with breast cancer.
The time I spent with Mamie was definitely nowhere near what I would have liked, partly because up until 2007, we lived in other states while she lived in Pittsburgh. My father’s job always seemed to relocate us at not-so-convenient times. However the latest move, in 2007 – “home” to Pittsburgh, would soon become the most important move of our lives.
In April of 2009, my husband and I discovered we were going to have a baby. It was the most exciting time of our lives and Mamie was one of the first people we told. Our due-date was late November. Mamie had already been diagnosed with breast cancer at this time and was undergoing treatment for it along with some other medical issues.
When she was first diagnosed with breast cancer she made the decision not to undergo chemotherapy or have any surgeries. Instead, her doctor prescribed her Tykerb which she would take daily. Mamie never had a driver’s license or learned to drive so my mom took her prescription to the pharmacy to be filled. When she went to pick it up she was told the cost for a one-month supply would be $3,000. There was no way this would be a viable option every month. Her doctor contacted the pharmaceutical company and they agreed to help out and cover most of the medication cost for her. She would thankfully only need to pay $35 each month for this live-sustaining drug.
From 2006 through 2009, she had a few hospital stays for various medical reasons – but then in the summer of 2009 she started having more severe health problems, which were complicated further by the breast cancer. There were days when I would be afraid to answer my phone once I saw my mom’s name on the caller-ID. I dreaded hearing her say Mamie was in the hospital or that they had to call the ambulance for her.
Mamie was so worried about me going to visit her during any of the times she was in the hospital. She was more concerned with my pregnancy and the risks associated
