That was just bad behaviour. I expect you to apologise to Colonel Bertrand and his soldiers.’
‘Yes Mum,’ said Hector in his resigned tone.
‘Well there’s one good thing,’ said Kate, ‘Dad and Hector have got to be the only people on earth who have ever taken on the French special forces with cream cakes and pastry nibbles.’
As the conversation continued, Kate was struck by how much Mum and Dad knew. They had clearly been kept fully informed. Dad said very little, while Mum kept alternating between being angry and tearful. She was obviously surprised they were not gibbering wrecks, but also relieved that they were not full of bullet holes or wrapped in bandages.
When the car eventually stopped, and they were told to remove the blankets, they found themselves on a narrow street between old buildings. Kate and Hector were both surprised to be let out onto the street with no guard. They were even more surprised to see Mrs Warp round the corner and walk smartly towards them.
CHAPTER FIVE
Zoo
‘Oh,’ said Kate, a look of horror on her face as Mrs Warp smiled in that friendly, reassuring way she could instantly produce.
‘Hello Kate. Hello Hector,’ said Mrs Warp, as if nothing at all had happened to her in the past. Hector reflected that in fact nothing had happened to this Mrs Warp in the past. It was another Mrs Warp they had mercilessly destroyed with water, an axe and a bomb in a microwave.
Mrs Warp introduced herself to Mum and Dad. She immediately put them at their ease, just as she had Hector and Kate when they had first met her.
‘Mrs Warp,’ Kate tentatively asked, ‘Do you remember meeting us last time?’
‘Oh yes dear. I have all of those memories, but not the very last ones.’
‘Good,’ said Hector quickly and firmly.
‘But, I have been filled in on everything that happened,’ Mrs Warp said, turning to look Hector in the eye.
‘Oops,’ said Hector.
‘I’m really sorry,’ Kate began.
‘It does not matter at all,’ said Mrs Warp kindly. ‘It was a misunderstanding on your part, and a sort of malfunction on mine. It could happen to anyone.’
‘It couldn’t happen to me,’ Hector muttered to Kate, ‘I don’t run on eighteen volts.’
‘Hector, shut up,’ Kate hissed.
‘And my eyeballs don’t flash different colours,’ added Hector.
‘I bet you wish they did,’ Kate whispered.
Hector did not respond, not least because he had just launched into a rather active daydream where he was terrifying the religious studies teacher and some of his classmates with his blue, white and red flashing eyes.
Mum and Dad both looked puzzled. They clearly did not understand the use of the word malfunction.
Once inside the zoo, Kate and Hector caught sight of Andrè and Pierre. They were dressed as zoo staff, and both were picking up litter in different places.
Mrs Warp was very good at small talk, asking Mum and Dad about themselves, and chatting about the zoo. When Mum asked about Mrs Warp she simply explained that her job was security, and she was good at it because she did not look like a minder. Kate saw Mum and Dad exchange looks. It crossed her mind that they had no idea how strong Mrs Warp was. Kate rather hoped that she did not still have the machine guns the other Mrs Warp had fired so wildly.
The first half an hour was spent wondering around looking at the animal enclosures, all of which appeared too small to Kate’s eyes. The zoo was large, with many trees and shrubs creating a green view in almost any direction. Nevertheless, it had an unfinished feel to it, as if every addition had been yet another plan and another load of concrete.
Mrs Warp was very good at chatting. She asked questions about Mum, Dad, Kate and Hector, and seemed to have an encyclopaedic knowledge of the animals in the zoo. Indeed, Kate suspected that was exactly what she had; an encyclopaedia added to a chip in her head, or wherever her brain was really located.
It was not long before Kate was quietly bored, while Hector’s restlessness was rather more obvious. There were only so many amazing south american giant rodents that can be amazing.
Hector nudged Kate, and she was just about to shove him back, when she realised that he was trying to tell her something. Hector had the Warp emergency override in his hand. Just as she was wondering what he was up to, Hector moved to the side of Mrs Warp and whispered something. Hector knew Mrs Warp had extraordinary hearing and that even muttered commands would probably be understood.
‘Oh, look at that armadillo,’ said Mrs Warp in her light conversational tone, ‘such a large nose, it’s almost as ugly as you Mr Trogg.’
Mum and Dad both paused and looked a little surprised. Neither said anything, but it was obvious they were confused by the turn the conversation had taken.
As Mrs Warp continued speaking, as if nothing unpleasant had been said, Hector fell back to walk beside Kate. It was Kate’s idea to tell Mrs Warp to walk like a Chimpanzee. Hector did not sidle up to her this time, but whispered the instruction as if he was talking to Kate, while pressing the emergency override button at the same time.
Mrs Warp immediately altered her gait so that she walked like an overweight sailor with knee problems. It was not quite the effect Kate had hoped for, but then she remembered that Mrs Warp’s run was rather odd as well.
‘Are you all right?’ asked Mum when she noticed Mrs Warp’s walk.
‘Oh, yes, quite all right,’ Mrs Warp replied, ‘Gosh, look at those parrots. They are colourful.’
‘Suggest we stop for an ice cream,’ muttered Hector while pressing the emergency control.
‘I think we should all try an ice cream from that kiosk,’ said Mrs Warp, pointing to a brightly coloured wooden stall that masked a range of very modern refrigerators. The range of ice creams was astonishing.
Kate glanced at Hector and muttered her approval.
Mrs Warp refused an ice cream. Hector and Kate knew why. For some reason, Mum decided not to have one either.
There was a light breeze as they all lent against the rail next to the Rhinoceros enclosure. The sun was warm, and Hector felt content. Kate smiled at him and he knew she felt the same; relieved that the world was returning to normal, except for the fun they were having with Mrs Warp.
As ever, Hector’s feeling of contentment quickly gave way to boredom. He muttered a command and Mrs Warp suddenly grabbed Dad’s ice cream and thrust it on the top of a passing man’s head.
‘Hector!’ Kate hissed, as the only one aware of who was really responsible for what had just happened.
The man said nothing for a few seconds, clearly stunned by the assault, and then launched into a tirade in French. Mrs Warp did nothing but smile back and say a few calm French words in reply. Mum and Dad exchanged
