Warp is here to protect you,’ the man said to Hector and Kate while shaking slightly, ‘She is mostly bullet proof, immensely strong, well disguised. The previous model defeated the world’s most feared assassin, and yet you two ruined her. You already have your teeth into this one and there hasn’t even been an attack.’
The man then handed Mum and Dad a command button each, together with a warning that Mrs Warp would not question or carefully consider any command. He explained that letting her get on with it was the best approach, and that the command buttons were only for dire emergencies where Mrs Warp had some sort of error.
‘If you keep on abusing the command button I might just change sides,’ said the man to Hector and Kate as a parting shot.
Ten minutes later Mrs Warp was back, cleaned up slightly and smiling as ever. Mum and Dad had just about finished telling Kate and Hector off. Kate managed to distract them both by explaining how strong Mrs Warp was, and how she had managed to successfully fight off Sludge.
‘The thing is Dad, she’s bullet-proof and stronger than Sludge,’ Kate explained, ‘We’ve got to keep her with us, enjoy the zoo and not draw attention to ourselves.’
‘I see,’ said Dad in the tone he reserved for the final killing blow, ‘and you two have been helping us to keep a low profile have you? Making sure we don’t stand out? Ensuring that we are difficult to spot?’
There was silence.
‘Sorry,’ said Hector, for about the tenth time.
‘Sorry,’ said Kate, ‘It just seemed very funny.’
‘Well, let’s do our best from here,’ said Mum, drawing things to a close.
Dad decided they would go to the reptile house, as this was inside and made them slightly harder to see. Nevertheless, some people openly pointed at them as they made their way to the brightly coloured concrete building.
Hector noticed that Mrs Warp kept looking around, as if she was checking for danger. The problem now was that as her head moved her wig did not always follow. He nudged Kate and pointed it out. The two of them lapsed into giggles. Yet, as they entered the reptile house, Kate saw a worrying small blue flash from Mrs Warp’s leg.
‘Mrs Warp, what can you tell us about this crocodile?’ asked Dad.
‘Well, the notice says it is a nile crocodile, but I believe it is a salt water crocodile from Australia,’ explained Mrs Warp.
Then to everyone’s horror she prized back the glass window with her unearthly hands, set it to one side, and climbed in with the giant crocodile.
‘Now, as you can see it is completely still,’ explained Mrs Warp, moving closer to the giant reptile, ‘Normally, they lie still until they get close to their prey. It will use its amazingly strong tail and whole body to propel itself suddenly forwards. Its jaws are very strong, and it will grab a kangaroo, sheep, deer or whatever it can and drag it into the water to drown it.’
‘Mrs Warp,’ said Mum, looking around to see how many people were watching, ‘do you think you should get out in case it attacks you?’
‘No, no, it’s quite alright. If anything it will be anxious about me entering its cage. It is a very large crocodile, but it will still be unhappy about being approached. Now, if I take hold of it…’
Mrs Warp half-dived and half-fell on the crocodile, and managed to get on its back as it began to thrash about.
‘As you can see, it is unhappy,’ shouted Mrs Warp above the noise of the splashing water and thumps as the crocodile’s tail hit the side of the pool, ‘but once I get hold of its jaws I will be able to hold them shut. This is because the huge muscles that are used to clamp the jaw shut on its prey completely dwarf the muscles used to open the jaw.’
Mrs Warp had lent forwards and was sliding up to the front of the crocodile. She clamped just one of her hands around the front of the giant beast and it stopped struggling.
By now, a number of people had gathered to watch. Some thought it was a show, but others clearly appreciated that this bedraggled, middle-aged woman was unlikely to be employed by the zoo to mud-wrestle one of the largest salt-water crocodiles in captivity. They were the ones looking on in open mouthed horror.
‘Mrs Warp,’ said Kate, ‘I really think we should leave. We are attracting attention,’ Kate could also see that someone had rushed outside and, from the little she could see through the open door, appeared to be speaking to a member of staff at the zoo.
Mrs Warp stepped forwards, but as she did the crocodile struggled free and then lunged forwards to bite her left arm, ripping her blouse. What happened next drew gasps of wonder and horror. As some of the water splashed about earlier dripped its way back into the green pool, Mrs Warp took hold of the great snout with her free hand and simply opened the crocodile’s jaws. As it pulled back she smacked it hard on the nose, and then climbed out of the tank.
Just then two zoo staff arrived and seemed to quickly reach the conclusion that the crocodile had barged open the glass panel and tried to grab a visitor. They spoke quickly in French, and judging by their manner were very apologetic. When another visitor began to speak, and seemed to be claiming that the lady had opened the tank, climbed in, and even wrestled the crocodile’s jaws open, the zoo staff gave him withering looks of disbelief, and returned to apologising to Mrs Warp.
Dad, Mum, Kate and Hector all exchanged looks. Keeping a low profile was going very badly.
A short time later the crowd had dispersed and they were all looking at the different snakes. Dad, Mum and Kate were all rather pleased that the snake house was quite dark. Only Hector was praying that something else exciting would happen. He was being guarded by a disguised robot that had wrestled a huge crocodile, and in truth he was proud and wanted more.
‘Mrs Warp, you must not lever off the front of any of the tanks,’ said Dad, just as they reached an enclosure with a huge anaconda.
‘Very well,’ said Mrs Warp, before walking off.
‘Where’s she gone?’ asked Mum, looking down the corridor where Mrs Warp disappeared.
‘What do we do now?’ asked Hector, disappointed that Mrs Warp had not wrenched the front of the tank off and attacked the giant snake.
‘Oh! There she is!’ exclaimed Kate, pointing at the anaconda’s enclosure.
Mrs Warp had opened the tank from the back, and was climbing into the murky pool. She waded across and grasped the snake, just as it was waking up.
‘As you can see,’ said Mrs Warp in a voice muffled by the glass, ‘this one is very large, and has eaten in the last day or so. You can see a pronounced bulge.’
‘What did she say?’ Kate asked.
‘Don’t worry,’ said Mrs Warp, as she waded forwards and used one of her bizarre hands to push at each of the corners of the steel-frame holding the glass until she forced it open. Dad rushed to hold the heavy glass and lower it to the floor so it did not break.
‘That’s better,’ said Mrs Warp, ‘You should be able to hear me clearly now.’
Again people began to gather, as young children pointed excitedly at the lady wrestling
