long, so I need you to listen to me before you go and another member is here. Can you do that? Can you try and stay with me for a couple of minutes?”
Jo nodded mutely, when in reality, she didn’t know if she would be here for a couple of minutes or not. These things seemed to be beyond her control.
“The Collective told me what happened, that you were going to overdose. They also said that they didn’t realise what you were planning and that you were closer to succeeding than you had been for a long time. Obviously the Collective managed to step in and stop it happening, but you have us all concerned how you managed to get that far.”
David paused, studying her, before continuing “Jo, we have to work on this. You are obviously in a lot of pain at the moment, but I don’t want you to end up back in the hospital. We know from experience hospital is not beneficial to the Collective.”
Don’t tell, don’t tell.
He stopped for a moment, realising she was starting to fade. Her face became slack and she had a blank look on her face. Some may think she was merely very deep in thought, but David knew better. “Jo, stay with me, please.”
Jo struggled to try and remain with him, to stay in the present, although she didn’t really know what she needed to do to make sure that happened. David continued talking, realising she was probably not going to be out here for much longer.
“I don’t see you very often, and when I do, we don’t seem to have the time to get any real work done. I realise this isn’t something that you have much control over, but I need to ask you, if we can find a way to make it happen, would you be willing to spend more time here, so I can try and help you?”
Don’t tell, don’t tell.
Jo couldn’t help it, she felt the tears that had been pricking at her eyes start to come. Silently, they fell down onto her lap. She had been feeling physical pain since she arrived out here which she didn’t understand, but now she was hit with the emotional pain as well, which in some ways, was worse. It was such a wretched feeling and one that felt like it would never end. As both pains intensified, she suddenly felt like she was being sucked into a hole.
She could hear the doctors voice, but it seemed like he was getting more distant and she couldn’t make out what he was saying anymore. She wanted to say to him that she had made all of this up, that she was sorry for wasting his time for all these months. That her mother was right and she should stop seeing him. She needed to make him understand, but she couldn’t speak.
As much as she tried to stay to listen to the doctor, she could not stop herself from being drawn backwards.
Sam
Shift, switch. Sam looked up and, flashing anger, stared straight at the doctor. “Fuck,” she said, under her breath when she saw where she was.
“Hi Sam.” David spoke, a little disappointed that Jo had gone so quickly, although it wasn’t surprising. He saw Sam often enough to pick her out instantly from the few members who came regularly.
Sam didn’t like opening up, especially to outsiders. Knowledge was power, and giving outsiders too much knowledge meant they had power over the Collective. But she was pretty pissed off, and felt she had to vent – and David was the one sitting opposite her, so he copped it with both barrels.
“She really tried to fuck things up, y’know?” Sam said, cracking the neck and then stretching the body while she sat. “How the fuck did she get that far?”
“I don’t know.” David said. He furrowed his brow for a moment, obviously deep in thought. “I wish I knew how she managed to get through the Collective’s defences. You have always been so good in the past at stepping in to stop it.”
“But this time she was close, real close. Popping out the fucking pills, y’know? Shit, that is much further along than she has managed in years.”
“It is a serious concern, I know. I was always able to take confidence from the Collective, knowing you would be able to stop any serious attempts on the life, yet this has shaken my confidence, if I’m honest.”
“Your confidence? What about us? If we don’t know how she slipped through the defences, then how do we stop her trying it again? And what if she succeeds? Fuck!”
“Well, don’t forget she didn’t succeed. Although it was closer than any of us would have liked, someone did step in and stop it. There is no reason to think you wouldn’t be able to do it again. But I would like it if you could all have a talk about it and see if we can come up with a strategy, maybe work out how this happened. Putting aside the risk Jo placed you in, I also don’t like the fact she is in that much pain again.”
“Yeh well, we all have pain doc, but we don’t try and destroy the body every time we feel like shit.”
David could have reminded her that there were, indeed members of the Collective who did just that, but he decided not to say anything.
“I want to help Jo, but I rarely see her and when I do it is for such a short time…”
“I’m not sure I understand your interest in her.” Sam said, looking at him, her eyes narrowing slightly.
David met her gaze and, having had this conversation so often with Sam, he knew what was coming when he said “Well of course I have an interest in her. She is part of the Collective.”
“You know damn well she is not part of the Collective.”
“And you know I disagree with that. I believe she is part of the Collective.”
“Fuck doc, how many times do we have to tell you? She is not one of us, she is not in the Collective. She is merely the host, the owner of this fucking body that we all use. She’s not even a whole person, so how could she be one of us? She’s just a fucking shell.”
David remained silent, as this was a common bone of contention between the Collective and himself. They truly believed Jo was not one of them and that she did not have the capacity to be any more than the shell they perceived her to be. He could only imagine how much this would hurt Jo if she realised that was how she was thought of. Or did she already know?
David looked at Sam and said, “Does Jo know you all think that? That she is only a shell and isn’t part of the Collective?”
Sam snorted, “How the fuck would I know what that stupid bitch knows? More to the point, why the fuck would I care? Besides she doesn’t believe we exist, so it doesn’t really matter to her what we think, does it?”
David sighed, realising he wasn’t going to make any headway with that line of questioning today. Besides, the issue of Jo’s attempt was much more pressing at this point in time.
“Putting that aside, I am unsure what to suggest. Where do we go from here?” he asked Sam.
“How the fuck do I know?” she countered, as she crossed the arms and leant back in the chair, closing down the discussion before anything was resolved.
Linda
It was the next session when Linda was with David. After talking about what Linda had been
