to get that close to trying to end the life.”
Sitting forward, David asked, “What do you know?”
“All we know is she made the decision, and she got as far as popping out the pills. We didn’t know anything about it until we saw Demise and Trudi running down the hall within. Then we knew something was wrong and found out they intervened just in time.”
“And nobody has been able to explain how? I know you have things in place to stop that, due to the high risk of self-injury and suicide held within the Collective.”
“Well, all we can think is it is somehow related to the level of noise from within.”
“What noise do you mean?”
Linda thought for a moment, then said “We have the crying within again. Constant sobbing echoing around the house within. And generally the noise level has increased, too.”
“I didn’t realise the crying had started again,” David had previously heard about the crying which seemed to happen from time to time. “And you feel that could have something to do with not being able to intervene earlier?”
Linda nodded, “The increase in noise means it is harder to focus out here, or see what is happening out here when we are within. But,” she added, “it is really just a guess.”
“How is Jo now, do you know?”
“I’m not sure, I haven’t heard anything about her.”
That was disappointing, and he said “It might be good if you could find out how she is doing. I spoke to her the other day, but it was so brief and we didn’t get the time to touch on how she was feeling.” David wished Jo could stay longer when she was in session with him, as he knew she was in a great deal of emotional pain. Yet she rarely stayed for more than a few minutes.
David said “You know I have been thinking. I wonder if you did try and involve Jo a little more and find out more about her, maybe you would be able to find out why or how this happened. And it may even lessen the chance of it happening again.”
Linda’s first instinct was to say ‘absolutely not’. After all, Jo wasn’t part of the Collective, so how would involving her benefit them?
But over the next couple of days, she started to think a little more about what he had said. Until they understood how Jo got through the defences, then how could they stop her? Could David be right? He knew the Collective so well and he often was able to shed light on things they themselves could not see or understand. So if he was mentioning it, then Linda was inclined to believe he may be onto something. And as much as she didn’t want to include Jo in anything, she couldn’t deny that on some level what David said made sense.
Jordan
Jordan was aimlessly wandering around the house, not sure what to do. The Collective was in a state of upheaval, due to Jo trying to screw everything up. Her desire to die was nothing new, and they had always managed to protect the body by pulling her back inside if the suicidal impulses seemed to be building when she was out front. Yet this time she had slipped through, and nobody understood how she had done it. And if they didn’t understand how, how could they stop it happening again?
Jordan wasn’t an idiot, she knew Jo had to be stopped. I mean, if it was a simple matter that Jo would simply kill herself, then she wouldn’t care. But if Jo succeeded, then she would kill the body, and how could they all exist without it? It was a scary thought, that she could succeed and they would no longer exist. Jordan was supposed to help protect the Collective against any threats, but how could she protect against Jo if she didn’t even know it was happening? It wasn’t fair that Jo had that sort of control over them all. It wasn’t fair at all!
Jo
Jo found herself in the front of the TV, with a foreign subtitled movie playing. It took a few moments for her to get her bearings. Last thing she remembered was hearing all the voices being really loud and then she blinked and she was here.
The usual feelings descended. Why couldn’t she make her life meaningful? Why couldn’t she seem to live a normal life? She now knew other people didn’t feel like they came and went from their own life. So why did she?
No matter which we she looked at it, her mother was right. She just wasn’t smart, not like her brothers. They were able to get on with their lives, do what was expected of them and make something of themselves. But her? She seemed to be a screw up from such a young age, a disappointment for her mother who desperately wanted a loving daughter but ended up with Jo. She tried to be a good daughter, tried to be everything her mother wanted. Yet, no matter how hard she tried, she seemed to always miss the mark. And her mother made her disapproval very evident.
But Jo knew it was her fault her mother had to be like that. She wasn’t an easy child, and certainly not what her mother had signed up for when she gave birth to her. She just never seemed able to get it together enough to be what her mother, what her family needed her to be. And here she was an adult, and still disappointing everyone. She couldn’t make herself do anything with her life, she couldn’t even seem to be present for a whole day anymore. God, she was so stupid!
Don’t worry, it’ll wash off. She physically jumped and whirled around, automatically looked behind for the male owner of the voice. But of course there was no one there.
And now there was crying, crying in her head which she could hear. How crazy was she, to think she could now hear crying?
Don’t worry, it’ll wash off .
She tried to stop the voice, tried to stop all the voices. But whatever she tried, it didn’t help. She just wasn’t strong enough to fight it, she was too weak and tired. So, so tired.
Don’t worry, it’ll wash off .
Why could she hear that voice, repeating the same thing over and over? Why couldn’t she stop doing this? Her mum was right, she made things up because she liked the drama and attention. And now she had been doing it for so long, she didn’t know how to stop it.
Unconsciously she started to hit the side of her head, trying to stop the voices.
Don’t worry, it’ll wash off .
‘Stop! Stop saying that!’ Jo screamed in her head.
‘It’ll be ok, Jo. Hang in there.’ A kind female voice came from within.
‘Stop it! Stop making this up! You’re just crazy!’ Jo said to herself, hitting the side of her head.
‘You’re not crazy. Hang in there.’
Jo just curled up in a ball and rocked, trying to block out all the noise from within. Why did she do this? Why did she make all this up?
‘You’re not making it up. You are not crazy.’
The tears started to form in her eyes, but even they were too tired to fully form and drop down. They remained in the corners of her eyes, unable to free themselves from the confines of the eye lids.
The looming black cloud that
