but to try and forget him and get on with our lives. I will tell you though it has been throughout the years especially hard for me, because I saw most of the abuse.
Two years had passed since we rid of him and I was now seventeen and just when we thought our lives were getting back on track, the bastard had the audacity to turn up on our doorstep and we thought the worst. What was he doing here and what did he want? We just hoped he wasn’t going to try and come back but he wasn’t thank God. He had apparently come to pay his respects and give condolences to my older sister who had just lost her boyfriend Larry of five years to a motorcycle accident. Larry was loved and respected by the entire family and I personally, loved him like a brother. The only thing we all thought Paul was, was a hypocrite because him and Larry never got along with each other and it was just an excuse to come and have a sticky and to try and show he cared. I’m sure we all thought the same thing and that was, “Fuck off and don’t show your face again!” We never did see him again after that night. Hopefully he got the vibes and the bad ones at that!
Personally, if I ever do run his path, I will tell him exactly how I feel about him and how he affected my family and me. After being angry for so many years after he left, I have learned to forgive him through my faith in God. He or she has shown me how to not judge those who have a no idea that they are hurting others through their own pain and suffering. I was one of these people who hurt others because of my own pain, but now I have compassion for them as I do myself when I do wrong. I have forgiven myself for a lot of things because I thought I was doing the right things at the time. I'm not saying I'm an angel but I find I am free from a lot of my past anger and have a more of a positive attitude to life than I could before.
Noel
Two years after the split with Paul, my Mum met a man called Noel. He stood about 175cms tall, light brown hair but not a lot of it and not too bad looking with a reserved sense of humour. He was a painter by trade and seemed to work fairly hard from first impression. He had a nice car and he even had a boat which was impressive to us and he obviously had his head screwed on. My Mum seemed to really him and they were both quite happy with each other and the good thing was, from what we saw, he was treating her a lot better than the other mongrels had. After about six months together, they decided to get married. Personally I wanted her to be with someone who treated her well and could support her like a man should do and he was but was it too soon? I wondered whether she was on the rebound from Paul and my instincts turned out to be right. It took my Mum a few months after they were married to tell us kids that she had made a big mistake. She told us the morning after they got married, she woke up, turned and looked at him and thought, “What the hell was I thinking?” After that, she continued questioning herself over and over why she married him.
Her negative thoughts about him would eventually lead to the downfall of their marriage. I think she was starting to deliberately look for faults within him to start an argument because to her, the more arguments they had the easier it would be for her to piss him off so he would leave. He had some terrible bad habits as well which were becoming quite annoying and irritating, even to me. One of his bad habits was when he would have a cigarette; he would draw on it so much, it would almost fill the room with smoke in one drag. Even if we were all out together sitting somewhere you could see the waffles of smoke above us and this at times was rather embarrassing. One other bad habit he had was, when sitting at the kitchen table he would always have his box of plonk next to him. So it was glass in one hand and a cigarette in the other and this would go on all night and every night until he could hardly walk or talk. Trust me, my Mum was having goes at him all the time but he took no notice and this was frustrating her more and more and I could understand the way my Mum felt in so many ways. He just looked like a bum sitting there and it was taking its toll in our house once again.
As time went on, he was drinking more and more each day which was causing him to be less interested in working and was now not contributing to the household expenses at all. Here we go again!
Because of this, my Mum had to once again go and find more work to finance his habits not to mention, pay the monthly payments on his boat as well. Why was she doing this again? She didn’t even love the prick or even want to be married to him anymore?
As far as we were concerned he was just another bludger who sponged off women in general. Us kids also learned further into their marriage that he too was beating our Mum. I never knew anything of it at the time, only because, I had moved out of home and never saw him do this. Thank God I didn't because I don't think I could have coped with it all over again.
Although the beatings were not as bad as they were with Paul; it was still a beating and I despised him because of it. But because Noel wasn't as vicious as Paul, Mum had learned to stand up for herself a bit more and hit him back; literally. It wasn’t until I moved back home for a while, that Mum saw his true colours. They were having an argument this one particular night and because she was so upset, she went to the bedroom but he kept on ranting and raving like a crazy man. I had decided right at that moment I’d enough of all this bullshit in my life so I yelled at him to shut up and leave my Mum alone. Wrong! He looked at me with intent to kill and he then flew at me, grabbed me around my throat, threw me up against the wall and threatened to choke me to death if I didn't mind my own business. The strange thing was I had no fear and looked him straight in the eyes and told him he was nothing but a woman basher and to get his fucking hands off me! I don’t think he liked those comments very much because his hand got tighter around my throat. Mum must have heard the commotion and came out screaming at him to leave me alone.
Immediately he realised what he was doing and let me go and then tried to apologise but it was way too late by then because as far as my Mum and I were concerned, the damage was done! My Mum then told him that she would never ever tolerate anyone abusing her children and that he was no exception and she now once again, had no choice but to tell him to leave and to never come back. It was a quick divorce!
I don’t blame my Mum in any way for what we went through. I think because she was brought up with a physically and an emotionally abusive controlling mother; being beaten was obviously acceptable and what she was used to. Her self-worth had been destroyed by her own Moher and being with these bastards made it even worse. She probably thought she wasn’t worthy of being with anyone who could treat her with respect.
These cruel and callous people have none themselves and so no one else can have it and this is pitiful.
The one thing I admire about my Mum is that she never allowed her children (if she knew) to be abused in anyway like she was.
After being with all these bastards she took a stand and said, “No more, I deserve better than this!”
Because of this stand, her life changed after that. She preferred to stay single for years and was happy to stay this way until the man of her dreams came along. Better to stay single than being bashed!
See we can all take stands and those who make us feel worthless, I feel pity for. These people obviously have a lot of self-doubt and feel unworthy within themselves and they will always try and bring you down to their level. Don’t go there!
John
The man of her dreams
By the time I was twenty eight, my faith and trust in men had been totally destroyed. As far as I was concerned, they could never be trusted in any way, shape or form but for one I hadn’t yet met. He would be the one who would change all that, especially where my Mum was concerned.
At the time and prior to meeting this person, I was so happy for my Mum that she was now doing what she wanted and when she wanted.
She even started going to a social dance club and loved it and for once
