of light that reaches out to touch and inspire others is the essence of soulful living and the answer to our calling to be our best. From this place, we can go forth and conquer with ease what before seemed impossible.
The second edition includes the same original four phases of The Restaurant Diet, plus a brand new Part I, which focuses on self-love, the spiritual part of my journey, and how this knowledge will help you succeed! When I was contemplating what to add or change in the second edition, I took into account a lot of the feedback I received from people who read my book and wrote to me, people who attended my book signings and lectures, as well as people I have coached. People wanted to know more about me. They enjoyed my stories and could identify with what I was saying, so they suggested that I include more about me and my personal, spiritual journey behind The Restaurant Diet. People asked me what “mindset” they need to be in to succeed. They asked me, “Is it just all about willpower?” Well, it is both of these and so much more. The reason I was able to begin to let go of food and go relentlessly in pursuit of my goal of not just losing weight but becoming a better me was knowing and being grateful for who and what I truly am and honoring myself and my body. Knowing this makes my message more powerful.
As someone who lost a ton of weight and has struggled in the years that followed to keep the weight off, I can tell you that I need motivation and reminders even more after losing the weight. It has helped me to find positive and motivational calendars and books and to subscribe to e-mail lists for daily meditational sayings and positive thoughts. I like to start each day with a positive thought, whether I read it somewhere or I come up with it myself. Gratitude is a go-to, so I constantly try to think of things I am grateful for. We often need reminders in this crazy, stressful, hectic world we live in. It helps to contemplate this and to give thanks for all the good things in our lives. I prefer starting the day on a positive note, as opposed to turning on the news, picking up the paper, or going online to learn about another catastrophe. The world can be a terribly jarring and evil place. We need to protect and nurture ourselves at all times by limiting our exposure to negative and awful things and surrounding ourselves with positive, peaceful, loving, beautiful people, places, and things. I also strive to be one of those positive, peaceful, loving people. Just think what would happen if everyone who reads these words went out and did something kind for someone else today—whether the other person knows it or not. That would result in a lot of good energy and positive feelings in the world. Everything is made up of energy, and the more positive energy we can put out through our attitudes and actions, the better, nicer, and kinder place the world we be. Do something good, pay someone a sincere compliment, and hopefully they will be inspired to do the same for someone else.
It’s important to change our focus from obsessing about food or what we’re doing (things like how much more weight you have to lose, that your weight went up a couple pounds this week after losing the previous few weeks, what you think you can’t eat, and where you think you can’t go) and find positive things to focus on. These include things like hobbies and new activities, such as yoga, exercise classes, painting, a book club, garden club, you name it! Also, put the focus onto self-care. Get adequate rest and exercise your body, not to the brink of exhaustion, but in order to get into better shape and stay there. Address underlying medical, physical, and emotional issues; take time to pray, meditate, and be still. Breathe, write in a journal, enjoy the company of a good friend, play with children or animals, go out and live!
Stop focusing on what you can’t have and how miserable an experience you think it will be to get to where you want to go, and just get going!
I realized that, even after dealing with overeating and lack of exercise (definitely my two biggest issues), there are still lots of hours and minutes in each day when we aren’t eating or exercising. Typically, most people spend about an hour a day eating, which could be extended to include shopping for food, cooking, cleaning up, and even dining out in restaurants. Most people spend far less than an hour a day exercising. While diet and exercise are critical to losing weight and being healthy, there is so much more involved. The Restaurant Diet addressed the need to deal with underlying emotional issues that are often part of a weight problem.
The second edition of The Restaurant Diet takes the personal and spiritual components to a much deeper level, showing that my journey was about so much more than just finding a fun, tasty, creative way to lose weight. I will share concrete examples of how I am dealing with everyday life today and that the journey is so much more important than the destination! This goes against “diets” geared toward just losing weight, where all that matters is the end goal. We will never achieve perfection, so, as long as we live, we can and should strive to be better than we were the day before, to learn, to grow, to help, to teach, and to inspire. Living life by enjoying the richness of the moment is far more rewarding than focusing on simply achieving some result, where typically once you reach that place, it doesn’t seem all that great or worth the effort it took to get there. That is why I always say that I am a work in progress, and that losing a lot of weight isn’t the end game. In fact, losing weight and getting healthier is but one piece of a much larger picture.
Part I
A Spiritual Journey of Self-Discovery
Love Yourself!
After losing 150 pounds in a year, people thought something was wrong with me. Friends asked me if I had gastric bypass and didn’t tell anyone or if I was sick with some form of cancer! I was stunned by some of the comments and questions. Some of the same people who used to criticize me for being overweight or state the obvious, “Fred, you really need to do something about your weight,” were now questioning what I did. It’s like when an alcoholic stops drinking, his buddies at the bar no longer have any reason to hang out with him. If I hadn’t been working diligently with a therapist and support groups and been aware of the fact that I’m a whole lot more than this person others seemed to enjoy tearing down, I could have easily gone off the rails and fallen right into their trap of negativity.
While many people applaud a comeback story or someone’s success or good fortune, not everyone does. I enjoyed and got a form of “high” from the encouraging compliments from family, friends, and strangers who walked the same places I did during the time I was losing the weight, and saw a dramatic change over the months. The compliments were nice and were like being high-fived when you are running a marathon or race; a little extra encouragement really helps you push harder. Still, I had to learn not to focus on the compliments and to maintain my course for myself alone. I learned that where there were compliments, there was also criticism, gossip, and speculation. If you lose a lot of weight or make other major beneficial changes to your life, people who you may have considered friends or even some of your family will be there right on schedule to test you, question you, and maybe even put you down. Don’t let them! Building my self-esteem meant I was learning to be okay with myself and what others thought of me. Whether they applauded what I was doing or not was none of my business! As long as I was on the right path for me, I was the only one with the right to judge myself.
Ignore the Naysayers!
Life is full of negativity and naysayers. Part of why we are here on earth is to learn to deal with it. People have their own issues and reasons for pushing their opinions and crazy fears off onto anyone they come in contact with. Part of recovering and being confident in the person I was meant to be is learning to install a filter that weeds out things people say to me, to have their words go “in one ear and out the other,” or to not take their words seriously. They are just words. They are just someone’s opinion. Don’t let someone else’s fears hold you back and prevent you from living your life! Something like 80 percent of people will try to talk you out of doing something or come up with reasons why something won’t work. 20 percent will encourage you. Stick with that 20 percent. Look for people who are encouraging and inspiring—whether you are
