had a fraud alert because I had been in four states in the previous two days.
Instead of sweating what now was obviously “small stuff,” I had to look at what I had accomplished. I saved my own life, lost a ton of weight, totally changed my life, and got a book published! Did I know anyone who had done anything like this? No! I had a right to be proud of myself. I had read somewhere that out of one million books published worldwide every year in English, less than 1 percent sell more than a hundred copies, ever. So, not only did I get published, my book sold way more than a hundred copies, so yes, it was a success. Has my book made any bestseller list, and have I gotten rich? Not yet. Am I stressed over any of it? Not anymore.
I was still conflicted, starting with the fact that I was an attorney and had an MBA, but here I was, a writer, blogger, and “weight loss guru” who was going around talking to people and signing books. The only real credential I had for doing this was the fact that I had in fact lost all this weight and have been working for years to keep it off. At this point in my legal career, I would have likely been a partner in a large law firm and be sitting comfortably with a large retirement portfolio and the ability to jet off anywhere during the two weeks a year I might actually have for vacation. That’s nice, I thought, but there’s a lot more to life. Being true to yourself and rising to the challenge by going after your calling is far more valuable.
Instead of looking at what I didn’t have, I needed to look at what I had instead and be grateful for the unique opportunity I had been given. Sure, I was now also an author and entrepreneur who had not quite yet “made it,” or whatever the heck that means. Yeah, I was pissed off that I didn’t sell ten thousand books the first week—I mean, I hired a Park Avenue PR firm, spent a fortune, and poured nearly every ounce of blood, sweat, tears, and every last cent I had into getting this book published, promoting it, building my platform, and touring around signing book, so this is what I get in return? I haven’t come close to paying myself back yet.
There I was, traveling around and talking about learning to eat out in restaurants, how I made restaurant owners, chefs, and staff partners in my success, and about how my weight loss got started and how my lifestyle continues to evolve—when I began to realize I had gotten way off my spiritual, grateful track. This can happen easily in a crazy, stressful world where we need to find time to eat well, rest, exercise, make money, pay bills, and (hopefully!) find some pleasure. The most important thing I would do differently is to never forget why I started writing a book in the first place. It wasn’t to get rich or famous.
Still, somehow I managed to get caught up in our culture which tells us we need to do x, y, and z, in order to have a successful book launch or tour, and we need to sell x number of copies the first day, week, month, or year. This sounded a lot like my past self-message “I need to lose twenty pounds by Memorial Day,” which sets us up to be in competition with ourselves and with some made up or idealized standard, and we start doing it for the wrong reasons. I started my book project for the right reasons, but, along the way, some of the wrong reasons fed in. I made some mistakes during the process since I had never done anything like this before, and nobody I knew had, so I was learning on the fly, without any roadmap.
In the end, despite the fact that I would have done some things differently, it was worth it. I learned more about myself and about life during my book tour and the nearly two years since my first book was released—more than even during my weight loss or any other time in the past. I saw that I have inner strength, charisma, determination, tools, and muscles at my disposal I never knew existed! I received a priceless education and got to know myself even better. I got to see what was truly important, while I struggled to keep my healthy lifestyle and the weight off while traveling and dealing with a lot of frustration. I would see that my relationships with the people in my life are far more important than anything. Thank you to all the great people I met on this journey!
I am grateful my book got published and ended up on Amazon and in stores all over the country. Books were even sent to stores in the United Kingdom and Canada. I traveled to places old and new and met many amazing people I never would have met. I visited many familiar restaurants that are in my first book and whose owners were kind enough to host book-signing events. I loved the adventure. Still, I missed home; I missed my dogs and regretted that relationships in my life suffered because I was so determined to have a successful book launch and tour.
I forgot that I had truly “won the lottery” so to speak—I got a second chance at life, a chance to see life from a totally different perspective, to do some things over, to do some things differently, and to do things that were way beyond my comfort zone! In the middle of my book tour—something I was originally so excited about—I started to think this was a waste of time, effort, and money. Still, I had to remind myself that I was not a quitter!
Back when my agents were pitching my book idea to prospective publishers, I was tempted to give up. After receiving nineteen rejection letters critiquing every aspect of my project, one went so far to say they didn’t believe what I did was possible. My agents were scratching their heads, saying that these pitches were plans A, B, and C, and there was no plan D. I have to say that the self-esteem I had worked so hard to rebuild after the devastating effects of being overweight and codependent for years was nearing an all-time low, and I was ready to throw in the towel. I reached the point where I was ready to say screw it, yet I was not a quitter. Remember, I had tried nearly every diet out there for years and finally figured out a way to lose weight that worked when I was literally in a “do or die” situation.
Let Go and Let God!
What was going on? Maybe I wasn’t supposed to publish a book? Maybe I was just meant to go back to being Fred the lawyer, or something else. After a candid conversation with my agents and publicist, where it looked like the writing was on the wall and that those six years of writing, editing, time, and money were all for naught. I said to the universe, “There is one publisher out of the twenty that we approached that hasn’t responded yet. If my book is meant to get out there, they will publish it. Otherwise, it’s not meant to be. I’ve done everything I can to see this through.
I’m letting go of it and leaving it in God’s hands.”
I truly turned it over, took a walk, cleared my head, and truly accepted the possibility that my book wasn’t going to get published despite working for six years toward that goal. I put it to bed and went to bed, at peace with whatever the outcome would be. The next day, I received a call that my first book had found a home, and it would be out in early 2018.
Looking back, I am proud of my accomplishments: losing 150 pounds, getting my story published, and going out to share that story with the world. In doing so, I learned even more about myself and have taken this past year to rededicate myself to health and wellness—physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I am proud to have designed my own career and life. It did not guarantee an income, which was scary and frustrating for a while as bills began to pile up, but I learned to let go of the fear and know that a loving God has my back, so long as I am doing it for the right reasons.
I still practice law part-time, but my passion is living through adventure travel, exploring food and wine, and writing about my life and doing things I never would have done if I hadn’t lost weight and decide to take a chance on a dream. I might have more money, but not the time to enjoy the things I am able to enjoy today, I’ve been told I am a “Renaissance Man” and a late “Gen X’er” living more like a Millennial. Did I really want to go back to spending ten-hour days sitting behind a desk, dealing with angry clients fighting about whatever?
The Answer to “Would I Do It Again” Is a Resounding YES!
Absolutely. I would do it all again in a second. I have met so many wonderful people and enjoyed so many opportunities I never would have had otherwise. I am living a dream, doing what I love. I had to learn to embrace uncertainty and the possibility that the unknown had a lot more to offer me
