drug, and no amount of money that can make us love ourselves or make us feel complete. We are complete, and we are beautiful. We are love. We must practice this by learning to treat the weight loss experience as an exercise in learning to have a positive relationship with food as a substance we need to nourish ourselves. We must improve our relationships with ourselves while improving our relationships with others, and life becomes more joyful. Things and other people aren’t going to make us happy. I’ve learned along the way that true happiness is when you reach a place of inner peace and acceptance. A place of love. Self-love. We can’t love anything or anyone if we don’t love ourselves. In the beginning and in the end, it always was and always will be about us.
Peel Your Onion—Discover and Reclaim Yourself!
Anyone can lose weight by finding the right combination of healthful eating and beneficial exercise but adopting a positive attitude and learning to love ourselves is far more challenging—you can’t simply eat, diet, or exercise your way there. It takes practice, dedication, and a roadmap of helpful hints to guide you there. And you can’t fake it. As we lose weight, get healthier, feel better, and learn to love ourselves and the life we are creating, our self-esteem and attitude improve. These go hand-in-hand.
I liken the journey of weight loss and self-discovery to peeling the layers back of the proverbial onion that surrounds us. During the process, we reclaim missing pieces of ourselves, discover new and exciting things about ourselves, and build our self-esteem. We peel off the layers that no longer serve us, and we shed some tears along with the pounds. Eventually, we get to the sweet center of the onion, which is our true self.
The layers of the onion represent negative or harmful behaviors, thought processes, emotions, distorted self-images, and anything that isn’t in our best interest.
The sweet center we discover as we shed pounds and transform our lives is who we really are. When we finally get to meet our true selves, we should find it easier to love and want to take better care of ourselves. It took me a long time and a lot of effort to get here, and trust me, I did not arrive here all neat and tidy simply by losing 150 pounds.
Make Peace with the Outside World by Making Peace with Yourself
It took a lot of bruises and heartache, but I’m finally living in an internal place where things outside of me—people, places, things, and events—no longer affect me so much. I certainly no longer place my happiness in the hands of others or in expectations that anything outside of me can or ever will fulfill me. They can’t. This is where our power lies. Once we fully accept and embrace this concept, we become more peaceful and almost immune to life. Things happen, but they don’t affect us or threaten to send us off the rails in search of some kind of quick fix. We don’t need a quick fix or any kind of fix when we are functioning in a place of self-love, acceptance, and gratitude.
During the past ten years, since beginning my weight loss journey, I have had a lot of time to reflect upon my own progress. It is hard to believe that ten years have passed since I began this process or that my life ever was as limited and unpleasant as it had been for so long. Having weighed over three hundred pounds for over five years and struggling with my weight for nearly three decades, I never could have imagined my life would be as wonderful and rewarding as it is today. While losing the weight, and during the years I have worked to keep it off, there have been many days where I struggled and fell back into old negative thought patterns and behaviors. I am grateful for therapy, support groups, family, and good friends for helping me put things into perspective, but, at the end of the day, each one of us alone is responsible for our success, or lack thereof. There were many days where a positive thought or nugget totally turned my day around and kept me from spiraling out of control, which, in the past, often led me to destructive behaviors like overeating.
Persistence Pays Off!
I’ve learned the hard way that when you believe in something and you do it for the right reasons (even if you stumble along the way and make mistakes or suffer setbacks), if you are honest with yourself, if you assess the situation and examine your role in it and then make changes for the better, then you will be recognized and rewarded in the long run. Recently, I had the privilege of speaking before a sold-out crowd of sixty attendees (with a waiting list) at the Designing Women’s Boutique in Sarasota, Florida. The audience was laughing and crying. I’ve never received so many heartfelt compliments in my life.
At another event in Naples, a couple came up to me afterwards and invited me to dinner. That being said, I get invited to dinner all the time, so many invitations that I can’t possibly accept even a fraction of them. I also frequently do pop-up book signings at restaurants and bars all over the country that are kind enough to allow it. I like this concept because it allows me to be totally real. I need to eat, I like meeting and talking to people, and where better to share my story than in restaurants? These people at my Naples event wanted to not only buy me dinner, they were willing to pay my hourly consultation rate for my time to eat with them in one of their favorite restaurants and show them in real time exactly how The Restaurant Diet works! We went to dinner the following week. They each brought along a notepad and wrote down exactly what I shared with them as we enjoyed what turned out to be a healthy, delicious meal in a wonderful restaurant! I am now offering this service to clients throughout Florida and in other areas when I am traveling.
Another honor was receiving The People of Distinction Humanitarian Award from Al Cole of CBS Radio. I had the pleasure of speaking to a packed house of several hundred attendees along with a dozen or so other authors, entrepreneurs, and people who have made a positive difference in the lives of others. I was honored for my work speaking to and coaching people with weight loss issues, as well as my talks about the effects of bullying. As you will read, growing up the fattest kid in middle school led me to be teased and bullied mercilessly, which further crushed my already low self-esteem and affected my self-image and perception for years after.
For the best chance at lasting success, we need to truly accept, value, believe in, trust, and love ourselves. 100 percent. All the time. No matter what. On our best days and on our worst days. We need to remember that we are still human, which isn’t a pass to screw up or not take responsibility but a reminder that allows us to be gentle and honest with ourselves when we inevitably do make a mistake, so that we can examine it, learn from it, and strive to do better. Becoming better human beings is a lifelong process. You don’t just instantly get better. Becoming a better version of ourselves is like becoming better at anything—it takes practice, practice, practice. There will be times we fail, and times we soar, but so long as we learn from our perceived failures, we really can’t call them failures, now can we? Growth and self-improvement are not always a linear process. Tomorrow might not be as good as today, but as long as the overall trajectory is in a positive direction, we can treat any perceived setback or challenge as a learning opportunity.
There Is Opportunity in Every Challenge
I no longer look at my previous diets as failures or things I wish I had done differently in any area of my life as mistakes. Sure, there are a lot of things I would like to take back, or do over, but can’t. All I can do is learn the lessons I was meant to learn, and do better the next time. Life tends to keep throwing us the same kind of pitches until we finally figure out how to hit it out of the park!
Today, I am blessed to have an amazing life I have worked hard to have and am continuing to work even harder every day to keep progressing on my journey and sharing my wisdom with others. I’ve found the best way to keep what I have and to practice the lifestyle I am living is to literally practice it, build and improve upon it every single day, not fret the small stuff, love and take care of myself, live the best life I can, and share it with others. The reward of a life well lived and shared with others is a greater reward than money.
Introducing You!
Perhaps the most remarkable part of this entire journey is getting
