self-love will make losing weight and any endeavor we embark on so much easier. This all starts with acceptance. Sometimes we need to tell ourselves just how special we are. Tell yourself “I love you!” Write notes and post them where you can see them.
I used to always put myself down. I was very nasty and intolerant of myself and spoke very poorly to myself, maybe not out loud, but I frequently told myself I was a failure, or a loser, or many other choice unflattering terms. Anytime something didn’t go my way, I would blame and yell at myself and call myself something very bad, or worse, which only reinforced my self-loathing. We all make mistakes. Instead of chewing myself out, I started to say things like, It’s okay, what can you learn from this or do differently next time? Let it go. What’s done is done. Nobody’s perfect. Turn it around! Start by honoring and respecting yourself. Start saying good things to yourself. Start believing in yourself. If you want the world to love, honor, and respect you, you’ve got to take the initiative and show the world you are worthy of being loved, honored, and respected. It begins within us.
Accept Yourself! Leave the Baggage Behind!
Accept yourself exactly as you are—possibly overweight, possibly with things like suitcases full of guilt, shame, anger, hurt, rage, resentment, you name it that you need to deal with and let go! There is no place for any of these in the new life you are striving to create! Sort through the baggage, preferably with a qualified therapist, make amends, forgive others, forgive yourself, and let the past stay there! You are building an entirely new life; you want a solid foundation to build upon.
Set Your Intention: A Positive Intention Yields Positive Results
To be successful, we have to set positive intentions. When you make self-love and self-improvement your intention for doing something, whether it be losing weight, starting a business, or cashing in all our chips and going on a three-year trip around the world, you cannot fail. You can have setbacks, we all do, but when we love ourselves and want to be better, we can do anything. We will learn from our mistakes and will make changes in order to hopefully do better, rather than beating ourselves up or giving up, which is what happens to many of us when we try to diet.
With most diets, the typical intention is to lose a certain amount of weight in a certain amount of time by eating less (often eating foods we don’t much like) and exercising more (meaning we didn’t exercise enough). As far as food goes, we are setting ourselves up to feel deprived (and resentful), and as far as exercise, we are coming from a place of lack, so feeling like we are “forced” to do more also puts us subconsciously in a place of resentment. Instead, begin your transformation from a place of acceptance, abundance, self-love, and a desire to feel better and do more with your life.
Look at the Big Picture!
Life’s inevitable troubles, difficulties, and stress mean far less when we look at the bigger picture and realize that everything is happening for a reason, and that, whatever we do, if we seek to do it for the right reasons, the results will take care of themselves. During this process, I began to discover who I really am, my essence—that I am a soul occupying Fred’s body. This realization has made me want to do even better and embrace my true purpose, which is to help others and to lead by example.
Welcome to The Restaurant Diet, second edition, where my goal is to share my spiritual strength and hope and offer a lifeline to help countless people who are struggling with weight, dieting, self-esteem, codependency, and all the accompanying unpleasant feelings and emotions. Learning to live a spiritual life of service helps us rise above the worldly pervasive nonsense of the ego and negativity and fear so that we may rise above everything we thought we knew about life. This awareness helps us see everything from a “bird’s eye” perspective, and we are able to help guide ourselves and talk to ourselves, almost in the third person, like our higher consciousness is helping us move along this journey by reminding us who we really are, and stopping us from saying or doing things that are not in our best interests. This includes how to go about losing weight and getting healthier.
Living and doing things like losing weight from a higher perspective enables us to take the focus off things like a number on the scale or our outward appearance and helps us to embrace the journey as a lifelong process and a gift. Realizing we are so much more than our physical bodies, we will find it easier to want to live our lives to the fullest, as we discover new and amazing things about ourselves that no diet could ever teach us, such as our true passions, learning who we are on a much deeper level, and no longer sweating the small stuff. We often need reminding in this difficult physical world of deals, deadlines, and disappointments.
Remember, as long as you put your best foot forward and begin your journey, you are better off than you were before. Instead of typical diets that seem to be all about getting to your destination, here the journey is the destination. Working to become a better you is a lifelong process and is far more rewarding than simply losing weight. When you get to know yourself on a deeper level, you will feel good inside, and your insides will match your outsides. Just know that life is about progress, not perfection, and needs to be taken “one day at a time.” Losing the desired weight may seem like the answer to everything you ever wanted. It isn’t. Look inward, find your inner strength, and show the world who you really are! We are all so much more than our bodies or a number on the scale.
“When the Power of Love overcomes the Love of Power, the world will know peace.”
—Jimi Hendrix
The million dollar question I was asked at many of my events was, “Would you do it all again—lose the weight and write a book?”
Do It for the Right Reasons and Never Forget Where You Came From
Yes, losing 10, 20, 50, or 150 pounds, or more is a big challenge and a process, however it is certainly NOT the toughest thing I have ever done. For instance, I learned it is a lot more work and much more challenging for a virtually unknown, first-time author to write and get a first book published than it was to lose 150 pounds in a year. Not that this should discourage you if you are thinking about either writing a book or losing weight, or anything you believe in, for that matter.
As far as my book, it took me six years and several editors, three agents, and lots and lots of money to establish my platform, to produce a marketable title—now known as The Restaurant Diet—find a publisher, promote my book, and travel to book signings, which meant months of flying here, driving there, plus the stress of having events cancelled and rescheduled (three snowstorms interrupted some of my first events in the Northeast).
Despite the fact that I had written my first book from a spiritual place, my message and I had gotten bogged down in the minutiae—logistics, trademarks, lawyers, publicists, agents, press, reviews, astronomical bills, bill collectors, how many copies I sold, hotels, meals, planes, trains, and automobiles—that seemed important, but truly weren’t important in retrospect. I needed to take a step back, take a deep breath, and remember why I did it all, where I came from, and where I wanted to go. Ten years before I nearly died, I never thought I’d lose this much weight or share my story with anyone, or that anyone would want to hear what I had to say. Now, I looked and felt good and was helping people turn their lives around! I needed to show gratitude for the second chance I had been given by remembering where I came from and realizing it is my responsibility to pay it forward.
It would be easy to look back with regret, but that is pointless. Rather than regret, I asked myself: What can I learn from the experience and how can it benefit others?
Aside from sessions with my therapist complaining about the bills, the scheduling problems, and how tired I was of couch surfing and being away from home, and the few chats with my accountants, financial advisor, and publicity team—which frankly could have required a three-drink minimum—I tried to maintain a higher perspective. This was especially tough when I was trying
