made a fortune, yet. I’d be making a lot more practicing law, but I have found riches and rewards that far surpass money.
I have counseled, inspired, and helped hundreds of people lose thousands of pounds by changing their lives for the better.
I have seen places and done things I never would have imagined, and I have had the pleasure of sharing my stories with the world. It is so enjoyable talking to audiences and counseling people one-on-one, something I never would have imagined doing back when I was overweight when the thought of sharing intimate details of my life with anyone seemed ludicrous. The reality is, when I stopped looking at the balance in my bank account and watching my stock portfolio going down while the balances on my credit cards were going up, I began to realize I really loved what I was doing. In making this powerful shift in consciousness, the tide began to turn and the abundance of the universe began to reward my efforts—money started coming in.
We Are Here to Stand Out!
The once fat, self-conscious Fred used to prefer to hide out and not open his mouth. It was bad enough that I “stood out” because I was often the biggest guy in the room, I felt like if I said something, I would only be drawing attention to myself, and, unfortunately, after years of being overweight and ridiculed, I knew that many people have a negative perception of overweight people, as if anything I said would easily be negated with something like: “don’t listen to that fat blankety blank.” Often when I did open my mouth, it would be to make a joke about my weight, as if to take a preemptive strike to “clear the air” and “get it out of the way” so that anyone I might be talking to wouldn’t be able to strike first. In speaking before audiences large and small and coaching numerous clients one-on-one, I realized that I do have something to say that people actually want to hear.
I learned how to be comfortable talking about myself and dealing with people in all situations, to field all sorts of questions with poise and aplomb. It’s like learning how to balance when you are learning to walk or ride a bike. It takes practice, but today I am comfortable in practically any situation, and even the most personal or unusual “left field” questions I might get I am able to respond in an appropriate and meaningful way, rather than be caught off guard or taken aback (the deer in the headlights thing). Learning to say that something is “personal” or preferring not to answer or comment is okay. I don’t need to have all the answers, and I don’t need to respond to people and questions that I am not comfortable answering. It is all about learning to put myself and my needs first! I used to always worry about everyone else and their opinions of me and go out of my way to do things for others, while ignoring my own needs, health, diet, etc.
Always Put Yourself First!
I like to use the example of a parent on an airplane traveling with children. Parents are told to put their oxygen masks on first before assisting their kids. It may appear selfish, but truly it makes a lot of sense. What good would the parent be to their children if they were incapacitated? Take care of yourself, do what’s right for you, and then you can help others on this plane. It turns out I am a natural speaker and entertainer who typically throws away the script and does improv, reading my audience and interacting with them. I’m finally comfortable speaking to groups of any size, and find it very gratifying.
FEAR: False Evidence Appearing Real
Losing weight is about a lot more than diet and exercise. We can lose a lot of weight, get to our ideal weight, and still feel miserable. Odds are, if we are overweight, we also carry a host of behaviors and negative attitudes along with the excess weight. These attitudes hold us back and keep us overweight. Many of us have felt like failures for losing weight and gaining it back. Many of us have felt unlovable—who could possibly love me, I am fat and unattractive, I used to think. In fact, I now realize that part of my weight problem had to do with a severe lack of love for myself. I overate to mask feelings of insecurity and fear of rejection. I couldn’t be rejected if nobody would date me in the first place, I used to think.
I was living trapped in a state of fear, and most of what I feared had no basis in reality. I have learned that fear is the opposite of love, which is where we need to be if we are to accomplish great things and be our best selves. I was afraid to live life or put myself “out there” for fear I would get hurt. I ate more and more, thinking that food would somehow love me. I felt empty inside and tried to satisfy that inner emptiness by stuffing myself.
Looking for external substances, including people, places, or things (like food) to love us is like trying to fill a bottomless hole.
I ate more and more and got heavier and heavier, because I was looking at outside things to bring me pleasure, when all they ended up bringing was more pain. I was living in my own self-imposed hell, brought on by my warped way of thinking. Instead of treating myself and my body with love and respect, I abused my body and beat myself up for being overweight, then went and ate even more. It was a vicious cycle, and at the root of it was a lack of self-love, also known as FEAR.
When I began to lose weight and talked to a therapist who specialized in weight issues and eating disorders, I discovered that my fears were all nonsense. When we are kids and we think we hear something or see a shadow in the closet, we turn on the light only to realize there’s nothing there. I would expose these bogus fears one by one, shine a light on them, and tell them to get the F out! I still do this on a daily basis. There is something very powerful about telling our crazy, obsessive minds, and irrational thoughts to go take a hike, jump in a lake, take a long walk off a short pier, or whatever colorful expression or visualization you may find helpful.
Watch Your Mind!
People like me, who have a history of weight problems and issues with eating need to remain vigilant and watchful over our minds, which often subtly (and sometimes not so subtly) try to lure us into revisiting our old habits or finding some new addiction to temporarily gratify its pleasure center. My mind was well versed in its role as an obsessive-compulsive overeater—a food addict, if you will. The thought of food, of delicious food, of too much food (more than you needed to be healthy and live), of one more piece, one more bite, of shenanigans like getting up at midnight to eat the leftovers when you’re still full, are toxic habits. They are obvious thoughts our minds will keep throwing out like perfect-looking pitches right over home plate that curve at the last second, causing you to swing and miss if you take the bait. There are also less obvious ways our minds tend to try to “run the show” by getting us to feed our addictive pleasure center.
Now that I was no longer “overeating,” my mind was off in search for some new addiction to replace the excess food, which I so clearly gave the heave-ho, that I wrote a book about it! For many people who give up overeating, other addictions like alcohol, drugs, and even anorexic and bulimic behaviors can take the place of food. The mind has a way of getting fixated on anything that could possibly give it a rise or a sense of being in charge. The secret is taking the power back from your intoxicated mind.
Just because our minds tell us another slice of pizza or eating an entire chocolate cake in one evening is a good idea or another drink won’t hurt anyone doesn’t make it so. But our minds don’t force us to do anything except believe that whatever it’s telling us is worth doing. That’s how the mind gets its fix. Nice, huh? The addictive pleasure center in our minds is looking for instant gratification, a false high from something external, whether it be food or something else. The mind puts forth obsessive thoughts and false feelings of lack in order to gratify its pleasure center and get that temporary high. Remember, this part of us doesn’t care about our well-being. It doesn’t care if we are healthy and happy or miserable and addicted. Think about how life would be if you could eat whatever your mind told you it wanted, and you didn’t have to be held accountable. You’d likely be like I was, at least 150 pounds overweight, miserable, and on the verge of dying. You must simply begin by looking within and grasping the reality that you don’t need excess food or any external source of
