When he released her hand and wrapped both arms around her, moulding his body to his, Ciara knew there would be no moment of wonder for her. His kissing was pleasant, but did not make her want more or want … anything. The centre of her body that had exploded in heat while watching Tavis naked remained cool and calm. Now, mayhap the wine had dulled her senses and this was much more exciting than she knew?
James loosened his embrace and lifted his head. Pressing a few quick kisses on her cheeks and forehead, he took in a deep breath and released her. Mayhap he had felt it all during this embrace? Had he felt overwhelming desire and longing for her? His eyes, clear and blue, seemed unaffected. Before moving away, he gathered both of her hands in his and kissed them.
‘Sleep well, Ciara,’ he whispered.
‘And you, James,’ she replied as she lifted the latch and opened the door to her chamber.
Ciara moved quietly so as to not disturb Cora who, by the sound of the snoring emanating from the pallet in the corner, was asleep already. She began to cross the small antechamber when she realised she’d forgotten her shawl at the table. Since it was one given to her by the laird’s wife on the occasion of this journey, she did not want to chance losing it, so crept across the room and quietly made her way out and back along the stairs to the main floor of the house. She reached the great hall and was about to enter when James’s voice stopped her before she left the shadows of the corridor.
‘She certainly doesn’t kiss as I expected the daughter of the Robertson Harlot to kiss.’
Chapter Nine
Ciara’s world shattered in that moment. She stumbled back against the wall.
‘Blood will out, James, and you will be a lucky man to have that woman warming your bed if her hunger for bedplay is anything like her mother’s was.’ There was a pause before Lord Murray delivered a most-scathing insult to her mother’s reputation. ‘’Twas said she took three, nay, four men to bed on the night her father found her. Noblemen all, so at least the daughter is of noble blood, even if none would claim her after such a scandal.’
Ciara sucked in a breath so quickly she nearly coughed. She covered her mouth to hide her presence just outside the room.
‘The old laird found her naked and wine-soaked, cavorting in his own keep. He could have done worse, but he shaved her head, tossed her out of the keep and banished her for years. Only when the girl was born and raised did the new laird let her back.’
Could they be speaking about her mother? It was unthinkable, of course, but they spoke with such authority. Was this the truth? She roughly rubbed the tears away from her cheeks as she listened to discover more so she could tell the truth from the lies. Surely, they lied?
‘I had hoped for more than a whore’s daughter for a wife, Father,’ James replied to the crude comment made by Lord Murray that had her shaking so badly she nearly lost her balance. ‘Not a wife who will cuckold me with any man when I am not there.’
‘We need the dowry, James. You know that,’ Lord Murray explained. ‘And the connections to her uncle and her stepfather.’
‘Aye, Father. I know it. It will be the difference between complete failure and success.’
‘Virgin or not matters not in this. The daughter of a whore or a saint matters not. The laird promised she is an innocent, but I doubt it with the way that guard sniffs around her. But even that matters not,’ Lord Murray explained calmly.
They believed her so dishonourable and yet accepted her for marriage into their family? His next words made his priority clear.
‘So take the benefits you gain from this marriage and enjoy them. A young man like you will find many uses for a woman like that one. May you and your cock be strong enough to survive the nights with her in your bed!’
Goblets clinked as though touched in a toast and Ciara heard the chairs scrape along the stone floor. They were leaving. Ciara glanced around and found a small alcove set back in the wall, so she pressed herself into it and waited for them to walk past her.
It felt like forever as she tried to unravel what was truth and what was deceit in the words she had heard. Ciara stood silent in the darkness a good while after the sound of their footsteps passed and moved off to their chambers. She was undone by it all. Shocked past action or clear thought, she simply waited to see if it made sense if she allowed a few minutes to fade away.
And another few minutes.
And another.
Was this why her parents had avoided accompanying her here? Was it more than simply trying to give more credence to a possible betrothal than they wanted to? Did they worry that their presence would stir up such talk from a rumoured past?
Thoughts and old memories swirled inside her mind until she wanted to scream. If it were daytime, she would ride, for it always cleared her thoughts and helped her to think. Mayhap she should ask Elizabeth, nay, Cora, about the truth of it? But how could she bring up such matters as the ones she’d heard spoken of by James and his father? Elizabeth was her age and would not remember discussions or mention of such things. Cora had been the laird’s wife’s servant for many years and would not reveal something she’d been ordered not to tell.
That left only one person whom she could trust.
Tavis.
Could he know the truth of it? Would he have kept it from her all these years if he knew it?
Ciara peeked out of the shadows and searched for signs or noises of nearby servants or guests. Finding none, she went by way of the kitchens and storage rooms and out into the yard. The forgotten shawl would be helpful now as the night air chilled, but she was not going back for it. She skirted around the main barracks to a smaller building where she knew that Tavis and his men stayed. So intent on discovering the truth of her past was she that she never looked up and never saw Tavis standing in the dark right next to her path. Only when she began to lift the door’s latch did he stop her.
‘Ciara, where are you going?’ Tavis asked.
His words, his voice, scared her and she leapt back, dropping her hands to her sides. It took a few moments to find the breath she’d lost.
‘I was looking for you, Tavis. I need to … speak to you privately,’ she said; her voice trembled with every word she spoke and she could not stop it. How would she ever get the questions out? How would she speak about the terrible things she’d heard?
‘We did this once and things did not turn out well between us. Mayhap you should sleep on this matter and we can speak on the morrow?’ he said, moving a few paces away from her.
The one thing she’d never considered in all their dealings was that he had known the truth and that was why he did not accept her proposal of marriage. Now, looking at his discomfort, it seemed the most likely explanation to her.
‘You could have at least spoken the truth to me, Tavis,’ she whispered. He seemed to pale at her accusation, but it was difficult to tell in the dark. She wondered now if she wasn’t on to the truth at the heart of it all. ‘You could choose not to marry the daughter
