is easy.” He settled a soft gaze on her face. “But you shouldn’t worry, Kitty. You’ll do your father proud.”
Kitty looked at him and was suddenly horrified to feel tears glazing her eyes. All day long she’d promised herself that she wouldn’t become emotional tonight while she sat across the dinner table from Liam. But that promise had been impossible to keep. When he spoke of her father it ripped her heart. And when he’d talked about losing his wife and baby, she’d felt deep down hurt. For him and for herself. It was clear to her that he was still suffering and that meant he wasn’t ready to love again. Not her or any woman. Oh, God, why did that crush her so? Why couldn’t she look at him, be near him and feel nothing more than mild affection?
“Well, I’m going to do everything in my power to make him proud,” she said huskily. And to hold on to what was rightfully hers, she could have added. But tonight wasn’t the time to tell Liam about the edict her father had left in his will. Tonight was about the baby and how the two of them were going to deal with becoming parents.
A faint smile touched his lips and Kitty felt her heart flutter like a young girl experiencing her first crush. It was crazy to be reacting to this man in such a way, yet at the same time it was exhilarating. And she suddenly realized that Liam had done something she’d thought impossible. He’d broken through the numbness of her grief and made her feel again, want to live again.
“I have no doubts about that,” he said. “The first time I ever met your father, you were trailing alongside him. I’m sure during all those years you’ve absorbed a wealth of knowledge.”
She certainly had, Kitty thought dourly. She’d learned firsthand knowledge about controlling men and fractious horses. Neither of which she’d learned how to handle entirely.
“I tried,” was all she allowed herself to say.
He ate several bites of salad then said, “So tell me about your health. Are you feeling well? And the baby?”
Glad that he’d given her a couple of easy questions, she nodded. “I had a few bouts of nausea in my second and third month. But that’s past. So far I’m doing fine. And the baby appears to be healthy and growing.”
He looked visibly relieved and she could only wonder what the news of this baby had done to him. Brought up memories too painful to bear? Or was he seeing this child as a second chance for him to be a father? If they were a true couple she wouldn’t be wondering about those things, she would already know. But Kitty doubted they would ever be that close. Close enough for her to see into his heart. The notion saddened her. She’d always wanted to be important to this man and now that she was having his child that need had only intensified.
“I’m glad. Let’s pray everything stays that way,” he said then asked, “When are you due to give birth?”
Yes, he would be praying, she thought. She could already see that he wanted this child and since he’d already lost one baby, he probably wouldn’t relax until this one had safely arrived. And no doubt the loss of that earlier child would only make him want to cling to this one even more.
It terrified her to think he might eventually want to yank their child from her arms and carry it back to his home in New Mexico. As Clayton had hinted, Liam could be ruthless toward his staff if he believed they were neglecting their duties. She didn’t want that merciless determination directed at her or their child. But so far tonight, she’d not picked up on any sign of that, thank God. Because she had no intention of giving up her rights as a mother.
“The first week of July or somewhere near then,” she answered then sighed with resignation. The American Oaks would be running almost at the same time. It was the race that would determine the very fate of her career. She had to win, or at the very least place in the top three. Otherwise, she was in danger of losing everything.
“That’s right in the heart of racing season.”
“You don’t have to remind me. I have Black Dahlia’s nomination fee for the Oaks already paid. I’ll probably go into labor when the bugler calls for post time,” she said with wry humor. “But we’ll see. Whatever happens, Clayton is a very good assistant. I can trust him to handle things while I’m in the hospital.”
She could feel his gaze sliding keenly over her face and she fought the urge to shift uncomfortably in her chair.
“And afterward?” he asked. “What do you plan to do then?”
She tried to swallow another bite of salad but her throat seemed to clamp around the chewed food. “I’ll go home to Desert End for a couple of weeks to recuperate and then I’ll head back to the track with baby and a nanny in tow.”
His face showed little to no expression as he looked at her. “So you don’t plan on quitting your job as a trainer.”
She did her best not to bristle. The man had to ask questions. He couldn’t read her mind in order to know her plans for the future. Still, his remark was a bit sexist and if anyone else but him had asked it, she wouldn’t waste her breath giving them an answer.
“Not hardly. Do you?”
As she watched a deep red blush crawl up his throat, she could see he was annoyed, embarrassed or both.
“Sorry. That wasn’t a good question to ask.”
“Think about it, Liam. I can be a mother and a trainer at the same time. Just like, I hope, you can be a father and a trainer at the same time.” She leaned earnestly forward. “I hardly intend to shove my baby aside and let someone else do the hands-on care. I intend to love and nurture it just as any mother would do. But no matter which one of us is physically caring for the child, we’ll have to have a nanny’s help.”
He reached for his water glass. “I understand that. I—Well, clearly you weren’t expecting a child to enter your life at this stage and neither was I. But that doesn’t mean we don’t want the best for this baby.”
She nodded. “I totally agree.”
“What about Will—did he know about the baby before he died?”
Regret settled on Kitty’s shoulders and she looked at her half-eaten salad rather than meet his probing gaze. “No. A few weeks before his death I wasn’t feeling well. But my cycles have always been irregular, so pregnancy never really crossed my mind. I thought I had some sort of stomach issue caused by stress. By the time I saw the doctor Dad had the heart attack and then it was too late.”
“Hmm. I wonder what he would have thought about the baby.”
She rubbed fingers against the tiny throb behind her forehead. Her father had adored Liam. No doubt he would have been thrilled about the baby. “I think about that a lot, Liam. And you can’t imagine how much I wished he’d known. He—Well, he might have been disappointed that I was bearing a child out of wedlock, but I feel sure he would’ve been excited to be getting a grandchild. He’d pretty much given up on Owen giving him any. And he figured if I had to choose between a man or a horse, I’d always choose the latter.”
The grimace on Liam’s face had Kitty studying him more closely and what she saw fairly took her breath. He’d always been a striking figure of a man, but it seemed as though the past year he’d become even more attractive. Maybe that was because he’d let his hair grow down on his collar, or because he sometimes avoided shaving and the dark brown stubble on his face added to his rough-hewn features. His clothes,
