you myself.”
Brer Turtle looked incredulous. “You must be joking, Brer Rabbit. You couldn’t have caught me if your feet had turned to wheels and your tail to a motor.”
“Hold on a minute!” Brer Rabbit couldn’t believe his big ears. “You so slow that when you moving you look like you standing still.”
“I ain’t got time to beat my lips with you over it. I got fifty dollars say[57] I’m the fastest.”
“And I got fifty say you been shaving the hair off your legs or something, but I know you done lost your mind.”
“Brer Rabbit, I hate to take your money, but if that’s what you want, that’s what you got.”
Brer Rabbit laughed. “I’ll leave you so far behind that I can plant greens at the beginning of the race and by the time you cross the finish line, them greens will be ready to pick.”
“I hope your feet as fast as your mouth[58].”
They got Brer Buzzard to be the race judge and hold the bet money. It was to be a five-mile race, with posts set a mile apart. Brer Turtle claimed he could race faster going through the woods. Everybody told him he was out of his mind. How could he expect to beat Brer Rabbit, who would be running on the road! Brer Turtle said, “Watch me.”
Brer Rabbit went into training. He bought a red jogging suit, a green sweatband, and some yellow Adidas sneakers, and he jogged ten miles every day. Then he’d come home and do a whole mess of pushups, sit-ups, and skip rope to his records. Some folks wondered if he was training for a race or “Soul Train.”
Brer Turtle didn’t do a thing. You see, it’s a strange thing about the Turtle family. There were six of ’em, including Brer Turtle, and they all looked alike. The only way to tell them apart was to put’ em under a magnifying glass, and even then you could make a mistake.
On the day of the race, folks was there from all over. Even the TV network were there, so the folks on the Moon could see it. Miz Meadows and the girls brought lunch baskets and lots of Dr. Pepper[59] to drink. Brer Rabbit showed up in his shades, wearing a gold jogging suit with a tan stripe, and when he took that off, he had on emerald-green racing shorts. Everybody ooohed and aaahed and rushed to get his autograph.
Meanwhile, Brer Turtle and his family had been up with the sun. He had put his wife in the woods at the starting line, and he stationed each of his children near the other posts. Brer Turtle hid himself in the woods at the finish line.
Race time came and Brer Rabbit hollered, “You ready, Brer Turtle?”
Miz Turtle was off a little ways in the woods and, disguising her voice, hollered, “Let’s go!”
Brer Turkey Buzzard fired the gun and the race was on. Brer Rabbit took off like a 747 jet[60]. Miz Turtle went home.
Brer Rabbit came to the one-mile post. “Where you at, Brer Turtle?”
Brer Turtle’s young’un crawled on the road and said, “Right with you, Brer Rabbit.”
Brer Rabbit started running a little faster. He came to the two-mile post. “Where you at, Brer Turtle?”
“Right with you,” came the answer.
Brer Rabbit ran a little faster. He passed the three-mile post, the four-mile post, and every time he hollered for Brer Turtle, the answer came back, “Right with you!”
The finish line was in sight now, a quarter mile away. Brer Rabbit could see Brer Buzzard with the checkered flag, but he didn’t see Brer Turtle come out of the woods and hide behind the post marking the finish line.
“Give me the money[61], Brer Buzzard! Give me the money!” Brer Rabbit started hollering, and Miz Meadows and the girls started cheering like they’d lost their senses.
Brer Rabbit was a hundred yards from the finish line when Brer Turtle came from behind the post and crossed the line. “Soon as I catch my breath, I be pleased to take that fifty dollars, Brer Buzzard.”
Brer Buzzard handed over the money, and Brer Turtle went home.
Mr. Jack Sparrow Meets His End
Brer Rabbit was mad after he lost the race to Brer Turtle. The neighbors could hear him cussing and carrying on so bad that they almost called the police. Brer Rabbit had to get even with Brer Turtle. But as hard as he thought, as long as he thought, as wide and high as he thought, he didn’t have a thought[62].
That just made him more mad. He decided finally, “If I can’t get even with Brer Turtle, then I’ll show Miz Meadows and the girls that I’m still the boss of Brer Fox!”
Unfortunately, Brer Rabbit did his deciding out loud. Mr. Jack Sparrow was sitting in a nearby tree, and he heard every word. The period on Brer Rabbit’s sentence was hardly dry before Mr. Jack Sparrow started chirping:
“I’m gon’ to tell Brer Fox! I’m gon’ to tell Brer Fox! Just as sho’ as you born, I’m gon’ to tell Brer Fox!” And he flew off.
Brer Rabbit got a little worried. To tell the truth, he was downright scared[63], and he lit out for home. His eyes were on the ground and his feet were in the air and consequently he didn’t see Brer Fox until he’d bumped into him and almost knocked him over.
“What’s the matter, Brer Rabbit? You in an awful hurry today.”
“Brer Fox! I been looking all over for you! What’s this I hear about you going to beat me up, beat my wife up, beat my children up, and tear my house down?” He looked mad enough to chew concrete.
“What are you talking about?” Brer Fox wanted to know.
“You heard me! What did I do to make you want to do all that to me and mine?”
“Brer Rabbit, I don’t know who told you that, but it’s a lie!” Brer Fox started to get a little heated. “Who been telling lies on me?”
Brer Rabbit hemmed and hawed and pretended like he didn’t want to say, but finally: “It was Mr. Jack Sparrow. I couldn’t believe my ears, but he swore up, down, and sideways that it was the truth.”
Brer Fox didn’t say another word. He took off down the road looking for Mr. Jack Sparrow. Brer Rabbit smiled and went on home.
Brer Fox hadn’t gone far when he heard somebody call his name. “Brer Fox!”
It was Mr. Jack Sparrow, but Brer Fox kept walking like he hadn’t heard.
“Brer Fox! Brer Fox!” Mr. Jack Sparrow called, flying around his head.
Brer Fox make like he still ain’t heard. Then he came to a tree stump and sat down like he was tired.
“Brer Fox!” said Mr. Jack Sparrow, lighting on the ground beside him. “I got something to tell you.”
“Get on my tail, Mr. Jack
I got fifty dollars say – (
your feet as fast as your mouth – (
Dr. Pepper – Доктор Пеппер, сладкий газированный напиток
747 jet – (
Give me the money – (
he didn’t have a thought – (
he was downright scared – (
