Hey, what’s a self-help tome without a workbook? Our chapters will all be so brave and wise that we want to make sure you retain as much of the brilliance as you can. So for all of you who feel the need to get out of your problems and into your crayon box, have at it.
Love,
Greg and Liz
Remember in grade school how they told you not to write in your textbooks? Screw that! Grab a pen and list five reasons why you think you have every right or good reason to call him.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Put the book aside and wait an hour. Or at least ten minutes. Then ask yourself: Do I seem pathetic? Do I sound like someone who doesn’t trust my own innate hotness? Yes, you do! Now put your dialing finger away, get out of the house, and go find some fun.
P.S.: You just did a workbook exercise about a guy who hasn’t even extended to you the energy of a phone call. Why would you want to chase that down?
2 He’s Just Not That Into You If He’s Not Calling You
Men know how to use the phone
Oh sure, they say they’re busy. They say that they didn’t have even a moment in their insanely busy day to pick up the phone. It was just that crazy. Bullshit. With the advent of cell phones and speed dialing it is almost impossible not to call you. Sometimes I call people from my pants pocket when I don’t even mean to. We may try to make you think differently, but we men are just like you. We like taking a break from our generally mundane day to talk to someone we like. It makes us happy. And we like to be happy. Just like you. If I were into you, you would be the bright spot in my horribly busy day. Which would be a day that I would never be too busy to call you.
The “But He’s Been Traveling a Lot” Excuse
Dear Greg,
I recently started dating a very nice man. He’s gentle, he’s affectionate, he’s attentive. It recently became a long-distance thing because of his work. The first problem is, he really doesn’t call me when he says he’s going to. Actually, he really doesn’t call me that much at all. A week will go by, and then I’ll call him, and then he’ll call me back four or five days later. But then when he does get me on the phone, it’s all “honey” and “baby” and “I miss you so much” and “when do I get to see you again?” Is he just not that into me, or can I just chalk it up to the crazy-long-distance thing?
Gina
Hey, Crazy Long Distance!
The only distance that’s bothering me is the very long distance between you and reality. (Okay, that was a little mean.) Example? In your second sentence you said, “He’s gentle, he’s affectionate, he’s attentive.” But a few sentences later you say, “He really doesn’t call me when he says he’s going to. Actually, he really doesn’t call me that much at all.” That is neither affectionate nor attentive. And it’s not gentle—it’s a harsh clanging bell that rings, “I’m just not that into you.” Why, then, is he nice when he calls, you ask? Because men are cowards and they would rather wait until the end of time than give you bad news. For the record, a man who likes you wants to spend time with you. And he’ll only settle for talking to you on the phone five times a day when he physically can’t get on a plane to come see you.
Don’t let the “honeys” and “babys” fool you. His sweet nothings are exactly that. They are much easier to say than “I’m just not that into you.” Remember, actions speak louder than “There’s no cell reception where I am right now.”
The “But He’s Got a Lot on His Mind” Excuse
Dear Greg,
On New Year’s Day, a guy I’d had a few dates with, who I was very excited about, was late for a date. I called him, and he, very apologetically, told me he had to go out of town to take care of his mother. He totally forgot to call me. I’m so confused. His mother is really sick, but it wasn’t a desperate emergency; he just had to drive out to Connecticut. Greg, I really like this guy. Please say a sick mother is a good enough excuse to forgive him, and believe he still can be into me.
Bobbie
Dear New Year,
Ah yes, here’s a bad excuse in sick mother’s clothing. Because still, no matter what, what he’s telling you is, “You’re not on my mind.” Because if you were, he would have called you expressing great regret at not being able to spend the day with you. If he had the time to pack and travel, he had the time to call you, and he chose not to. (You call it “forget.” I call it “chose not to.”) When you like someone, they don’t just slip your mind. Especially on New Year’s Day. I know it may seem like he had a good excuse, but sadly, I think your New Year started off with a big glass of “He’s Just Not That Into You.” Now nurse your hangover and find someone who won’t forget to call you.
The big question here is, “Is it okay for a guy to forget to call me?” I’m saying to you, “No.” Barring disaster—someone had to be rushed to the hospital, he was just fired from his job, someone keyed his Ferrari (kidding)—he should never forget to call you. If I like you, I don’t forget you, ever. Don’t you want the guy who’ll forget about all the other things in his life before he forgets about you?
The “He Just Says Things He Doesn’t Mean” Excuse
Dear Greg,
I’m dating this guy who ends conversations saying he’ll call me at a certain time. Like, “I’ll call you over the weekend.” Or “I’ll give you a call tomorrow.” Or if he has to take a call on the other line, he promises, “I’ll call you back in a few minutes.” And then he doesn’t. He always ends up calling, but almost never when he said he would. Should I read something into this, or should I just know to ignore whatever he says when he’s getting off the phone with me?
Annie
Dear Call Waiting,
Yes, you should read something into it. In fact the very something is “He’s Just Not That Into You.” Here’s the deal. Most guys will say what they think you want to hear at the end of a date or a phone call, rather than nothing at all. Some guys are lying, some guys really mean it. Here’s how you can tell the difference: You know they mean it when they actually do what they said they were going to do. Here’s something else to think about: Calling when you say you’re
