Maybe, Maybe Not
13 How to Get What You Want (Besides a Great Reputation)
Commonly Asked Questions And Answers
You probably heard about sex long before your folks ever got around to explaining the facts of life. If you were a boy, you quickly learned that you possessed some anatomical equipment that could make you feel pretty good in addition to its use for making babies. As a girl, the pleasures of your anatomy were probably a little less obvious. But whether you shared a room with your brother or went to nudist colonies on family vacations, you knew that what boys had was really different and, somehow, sublimely intriguing. Lest you think that this is a lead-in to a classic Freudian scenario, we want to set the record straight. In the eloquent words of one wise father whose young daughter burst into the bathroom while he was showering and said, “Daddy, I want one of those”: “Emily, if you have one of those,” he said, pointing back, “you can always get one of these.”
So with the myth of penis envy dispelled, the problem, if you were a girl, was that you learned how all those parts functioned from your parents or from the oh-so-carefully-worded books they gave you, or maybe from watching sequences on Wild Kingdom. Still, the mating hippopotami on television conveyed little information beyond the mechanics of the “doggie style” position. The female hippopotamus appeared, shall we say, as though she couldn’t care less. And why not? She seemed to be functioning as a willing, passive receptacle without a care in the world, much less wondering if he was thinking, “Gee, this is really one hot hippo mama.”
Without disparaging the joys of the animal kingdom, we human beings are blessed with the additional consciousness of the physiological and emotional pleasures associated with sex. Moreover, we are taught from an early age to excel at whatever we do. But again, girls are faced with a classic dilemma. Sure, they can “use what they’ve got to get what they want,” but without full-time possession of all the tools, girls face an obvious disadvantage in having to hone their skills on temporary loan equipment. And remember, practice makes perfect.
So where does a woman go to learn more about sex? When you are younger, the only really down-and-dirty talks you could have about sex were with your girlfriends, and best girlfriends at that! Remember those pajama parties where everyone made a fist and practiced kissing their hands? How about putting on lipstick and kissing the mirror to determine what was just the right amount your lips should be parted for a kiss? How about a kiss kiss? And what about the once-dreaded but later sought-after French kiss? Okay, you say, that’s kid stuff, what about when girls get older? We offer as Exhibit A any Thursday night in the cramped cubicle of a sorority house or women’s dorm. The conversation revolves around who did or didn’t “go all the way,”* what some jerky guy tried to do or maybe, just maybe, the virtues of vibrators for taking the edge off all that exam-cramming. These talks are a great way to compare notes but not one girlfriend could really tell you what was going on in the guy’s head, or any other part of his body, for that matter.
When you were a bit older, maybe you had a boyfriend or husband who would string together a couple of choice words like “Wow, that was great!” But such nondescript utterances offered few clues about what you actually did that was so great. Obviously, both men and women know that it is poor bedroom etiquette to point out the faults of one’s partner. So how does a woman know what was great? How does she know if be liked it because of what she specifically did or because he’s a satisfied and contented good sport? Ask any woman who has ever said to a guy, “Do you like it like this or do you like it like that?” and the answer most probably was. “I like whatever you do.” Men are gracious and, furthermore, they know well enough not to let the screen door hit them on the way out.
So women don’t have the equipment to practice what feels good on themselves. Even those fortunate enough to have had a boy toy, a lover, or a husband cannot really count on getting an honest report card or performance evaluation. Women know that they are usually not going to find out anything real from their partners if that partner happens to be a man. So what’s a woman to do? The only truly accurate way to learn the sexual tricks of the trade, or what makes a guy really moan, is to go straight to the source: a man. This man needs to be someone special, who not only knows his own preferences but who has had the opportunity to know the preferences of a number of other guys. Who better than an honest-to-goodness gay man? He knows things most straight guys don’t even know about themselves.
This handy little book is not written as a clinical manual, and it’s not primarily designed to help a woman snare a guy. It does offer inside tips that only
