not exactly sure why not all orgasms are the toe-tingling, body-rocking, volcanic eruptions that all men dream about. The fact is that these do happen, but not always. We definitely believe that it has to do with how long foreplay and other forms of stimulation are involved. The longer the action, the stronger the reaction. Keep in mind that men can toss off in about three minutes, but their toes won’t be tingling. Now that you’re starting to think more like a gay man, you should go for the toe tingle every time. You’ll have the confidence of knowing that you were the best thing in bed he’s ever had and, remember, it’s the toe-tingler that gets the tennis bracelet, and we know you’ve got room in your jewelry box for lots of those.
How there can be so many shapes and sizes of penises is a mystery or nature. Be prepared to see some that veer off to the side like a banana, some that are thicker at the bottom than at the top, long and skinny ones, short and fat ones, ones with hair at the base of the shaft, and a staggering variety of head shapes. Head shapes are probably affected by circumcision. One guy Danny knows must have had a gay circumciser, since the head of his penis flares out with a baroque flourish at the ridge. The same thing goes for color; some get very red, but some stay the same color as when they are flaccid. If you’re having sex with a white guy using a cock ring, don’t be alarmed if Mr. Stiffy turns a deep crimson. Though less noticeable, perhaps, black guys using a ring change color, too—a shade that resembles Chanel’s Very Vamp.
While most penises have some nice qualities to recommend them, we have to admit that some are just plain gross to look at. In this case, you’re going to have to keep the lights out, close your eyes and just imagine that the thing you’re about to go down on is a perfectly rendered Renaissance sculpture, and not the twisted, knotty reality that’s actually in front of your face. And remember, if a guy’s thing is gross, he knows it, so your award-winning, imaginative performance will be appreciated all the more.
Another aspect of penis psych 101 that you should know about is the phenomenon of men actually naming their penises, but it’s more common among straight guys than gay ones. Often there is a jocular tone to name, sort of like a nickname; other times guys come up with some really dull ones. Here’s a list of some we’ve heard:
Mr. Hooha
Mr. Happy
Bunny
Red
Herman, the One-Eyed German
Long John
Little Pete
Little Elvis
Fast Freddy
Mad Dog
Big Fella
Ralph
Mikey
Rodney
George
Juice
and the rather uninspired Sam (not to knock him, though: Sam was one hot number)
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