word on texture: You may never suspect it, but your pubic hair can be just as irritating on his lips and chin as his beard can be on your face. Good sexual grooming tells us that the use of a simple, over-the-counter hair conditioner can prevent a bad case of brush burn.
Before you get overly enthusiastic about running your fingers through a guy’s hair, look at the texture and style. Does it always look exactly the same? Does the feel of it seem a little odd? Don’t make the same mistake Danny did. Every time he ran his fingers through this one guy’s hair, the guy would push his hand away. Suddenly, in a flash of brilliance, he realized the guy had a weave. So if you’re looking for splendor in the grass, make sure it’s not AstroTurf.
While we’re on the subject, one thing most women have no idea about is how to deal with men’s body hair. While massaging or licking a hairy chest, thigh or calf, do be gentle. Unless you’re lightly tickling him, concentrate on the muscle and not the surface, because an overzealous stroking may seem passionate to you, but it’s a painful hair-pulling for him. Creams, lotions and massage oils can make it even worse. Use them judiciously.
A funny thing happened to two buddies of ours, Freddy and Eduardo, who hooked up one night and got a little overeager with the massage oil. Bursting from the bedroom in a fit of passion, they bounced from room to room in a series of energetic embraces, hitting just about every wall in the house. The next morning they were surprised to see their hand, back and butt prints, in oily silhouette, all over the prized antique wallpaper so preciously preserved by Freddy. Don’t overdo it with the oils.
Another tip we recently picked up on the Net was the following warning: “Never tape body parts together.” We concur.
Don’t discuss things like periods, rashes, yeast infections, bikini waxing or other things that can make a straight man squeamish. Save that kind of talk for your girlfriends and gay friends. One international businessman friend of ours was dating a woman who seemed really nice, with a cosmopolitan flair. But after a couple of cocktails, she tipped her hand: She was just another bimbette from the boonies. While our friend was patient enough to hear about her Donna Karan panty hose, their relationship was over when she started discussing how her power puss punctured the puny panty panel.
One last tip reminds us of a particularly disappointing encounter with a guy we call the vampire from Lancaster. He was cute and he was passionate, but he seemed to have an undue fondness for love bites—giving them, that is. Despite repeated and firm protestations in a loving voice, he persisted in biting too hard and too often. When he had an especially fierce tooth lock on Danny’s back, only a swift but decisive head butt made him stop. Do give love bites gently, sparingly and in selected situations. Don’t make him think that you’re orally fixated, or that you didn’t eat enough for dinner. And never, ever leave a hickey. That little trick grew really old after junior high school.
2 The Properly Appointed Bedroom
Just like in the theater, any production will be even more spectacular when the right stage set and props are in place. Assuming that you control your own space, it’s important to think about the things that will enhance and support your performance as you bask in the spotlight of center stage. One must not overlook the proper bedroom accessories, because being well prepared will make your performance seem absolutely effortless. Just think of this as setting the stage for a brilliant seduction, or having the right utensils and ingredients to prepare a great meal.
You might think that men don’t care about where they’re doing it as long as they’re doing it, but they do care when something becomes a pain, or stands in the way of their own good time. Everyone has heard those anecdotes of passion where bed frames collapse from high-impact gymnastics, or about the guy who kept whacking his head into the wall, or worse, when strewn sheets caught fire after landing on the bedside candle. One couple we know, with a particularly zesty sex life and a fancy antique bed, used to bounce around so much that the mattress would fall through the slats almost every night. The brilliant solution was to design special steel girders that attached to the bed frame, leaving both their sex life and the design of their family heirloom intact. These stories may seem hilarious at office coffee talk the morning after, but they certainly have a way of putting a damper on an award-winning performance. Remember, these tips are meant to help you shine as the star and not as the opening comedy act.
First and foremost is the bed. An ideal sex bed would have no headboard or footboard, so that man-size arms, legs and heads can extend or hang over the sides if need be. A few of you naughty readers might be wondering where one might attach handcuffs if there’s no headboard. But surprise, this is not a big gay activity, at least not in our circles. We figure that if you’re into such hardware, you’re already a steady customer at Home Depot and know how to buy and install eye hooks. Besides, gay men would prefer cashmere mufflers wrapped around the foot of the bed any day. Having easy access to the bed from any angle is definitely something to keep in mind.
Our friend Eduardo, an interior designer with a penchant for beefy guys, insists that his big old bed be positioned in the middle of the room on a low platform—sort of like stepping up to a shrine. And we’ve heard that sex with him is nothing less than a religious experience. If you’ve got the room, this placement is ideal, and one doesn’t have to consult a feng shui expert to find out which axis has the best sex karma. If space dictates that one side of the bed be up against the wall, make sure it’s where your head is. No one wants to be side-trapped by Sheetrock because those wild, abandoned movements are physically restricted.
The question of bed height presents some interesting options. Forget the mattress on the floor except for impromptu encounters. A high bed is not only dramatic but allows for a variety of exciting positions. One person can stand on the floor with the right parts aligned to the right height for certain activities. If the guy stands, you can be on your back and wrap your legs around his waist or put your heels on his shoulders. You can also bend your legs and he can hold your feet in his hands. Or. you both stand, with you bending forward at the waist, so that the top of your body rests on the bed while he nuzzles in behind you. Another variation, with you lying on your back, is to lean your head over the edge while you lick his testicles, inner thighs, or that sensitive place between his balls and his bottom. Obviously, this works for you, too, if the positions are reversed.
Lower beds are good for other activities. Either of you can sit or kneel next to the bed while the other person positions their private parts near the edge. Legs can hang over the sides or be supported by the floor. This relatively comfortable position is excellent for performing some extended oral or oral/manual combo action on your partner. You might want to consider buying a bedside rug with a foam underpad to cushion your knees.
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