on the subject was minimal. The phrase ‘self-esteem-building’ was still mysterious jargon used by a limited few in the world of therapy. Today, only six years later, not only do most people understand what is meant by ‘self-esteem’, they are complaining loudly and clearly when their precious supply is diminished by others. They know the value of this inner resource and are demanding its protection. For example:
in the workplace, employees are demanding more praise and understanding from their bosses
at home, children are demanding their fair share of cuddles or quality time, and rejecting parental put-downs
in relationships, partners are demanding more respect for their individual needs, and making it known if they feel under-valued
even in the ‘public world’, the rich and famous are demanding more protection from the paparazzi, and claiming that the media’s thirst for sleaze is knocking their self-worth and driving them to drink, drugs and depression.
Having said this, I believe that showing more human consideration and respect for each other are not the only answers.
This is why I wrote this book as a self-help guide, and why I have been very pleased to have the opportunity to revise and update it. Perhaps one day my wish will come true, and the tools of self-esteem-building will be in everyone’s natural armoury. Perhaps one day good self-esteem practices will have become cultural and personal habit. But for the moment, in this fast-changing, ever-expanding and globally competitive world, it seems these tools are needed more than they have ever been.
| Ultimately, the health of our own self-esteem is our own responsibility. |
I believe I have made this new edition much more user-friendly, and hope that you will find it easy to read and dip into when your (or anyone else’s!) self-esteem needs a boost.
An Overview of the Book
Like my other personal development books, this one is also designed as a self-help programme. It can be done on your own or in the more supportive setting of a group.
There are four main sections of the book, each covering a different area:
Section One (Exploring the Essential Elements) explains the concept and effects of self-esteem and how it is built, boosted – and battered.
Section Two (Laying the Foundations for Action) describes the essential healing and self-protective strategies needed to underpin self-esteem-building work.
Section Three (Self-help Programmes) offers practical exercises and checklists to help you rebuild flagging self-worth and keep it in tip-top condition. It includes an exercise which can be used as an annual ‘service’ for your self-esteem, and another which will help you to regain personal power after an emotional trauma such as a rejection, bereavement, divorce or job loss or a major mistake, setback or failure.
Section Four (Using Your Strength to Empower) contains tips and exercises to help you develop your ability to build self-esteem in others. It includes guidelines on how to do this in the three specific roles of Manager, Parent and Citizen.
You will probably derive most benefit from the book if you first read it through reasonably quickly to get an overall idea of the material and practical work it contains. You will then be better able to plan an effective programme for yourself or your group, using the book’s different sections to suit your individual needs.
I hope you find this self-esteem-building work as fascinating and rewarding as I and many thousands of others have done. Good luck!
In my search for the perfect definition of self-esteem, I have found literally hundreds of different views and descriptions. My head began to reel as I tried to face the task of summarizing all these in a couple of neat paragraphs. Perhaps largely to protect my own mental health, I therefore decided to do something different.
I thought that I would start from the perspective of my own personal experience. After all, as I indicated in the Introduction, I have much more than an academic interest in this subject. Self-esteem-building is still very much part of my own personal as well as professional life.
When I began to reflect on my own experience, I began to think that one of the reasons why there are so many variations in the definition of self-esteem is that it is essentially a ‘state of being’. To make the scene even more complicated, it seems that when we experience our self-esteem, a whole chain of mini-happenings take place. Sometimes it seems these can all take place in the flash of an instant, but at other times they may slowly develop step by step over a much longer period of time.
| Self-esteem is a dynamic, subjective event rather than any static, tangible ‘thing’ that can be directly and easily observed and measured. |
I form a belief – either consciously or unconsciously – that I am OK human being …
I begin to feel pleasant physical sensations of warmth, relaxation and vitality …
In my mind I make specific appreciations about my value, e.g. I look attractive – I am strong – I am clever …
I form positive value judgements and beliefs about myself and my potential, e.g. I deserve to be happy – have my needs met – be liked and loved by other people …
I experience a sense of increased confidence and optimism …
I feel a sense of trust in the world and people around me …
I form the belief that the world can and is highly likely to be able to meet my needs and wants …
I feel the energy levels in my body begin to rise …
I experience my mind becoming more lively and beginning to fill with ideas …
