Self Esteem: Simple Steps to Build Your Confidence. Gael Lindenfield
Чтение книги онлайн.
Читать онлайн книгу Self Esteem: Simple Steps to Build Your Confidence - Gael Lindenfield страница 5
Название:
Автор:
Жанр:
Серия:
Издательство:
I begin to silently resent others who are more successful and powerful and wish them ill …
I judge myself to be a ‘nasty’ person for having such thoughts …
I begin to behave in ways which are self-punitive and self-destructive, e.g. sacrificing myself to others in an attempt to gain their esteem …
I look in the mirror and see the results of continually abusing myself and being abused by others …
I reinforce my belief that I am not an OK human being …
Then – I begin to experience the low self-esteem cycle all over again …
Low Self-esteem Experience
WHAT DECREASES CHILDREN’S SELF-ESTEEM?
not having their basic needs adequately met. This may be especially so when they notice that others may be receiving much better love, care and sustenance (for example: younger brothers and sisters are getting more attention, or different races and classes are receiving privileges and a high standard of living while they are deprived of their basic right to adequate food and shelter).
having their feelings persistently ignored or denied. For example: a parent not responding to a cry for help or noticing the look of joy or worry on their faces – or saying, ‘You shouldn’t be sad about that, it’s only … you ought to be excited.’
being put-down, ridiculed or humiliated. Children can be robbed of self-esteem just for being their genetically inherited natural selves or being a certain age. (For example: ‘You’re just a baby still’; ‘You boys always...’; ‘You’ve never been very good with figures – even as a baby you refused to count the beads’ or ‘You’re just like your Grandfather, headstrong and stubborn.’)
being required to assume a ‘false-self’ in order to impress others or get their needs met. If children are continually given the impression that they need to be someone else – not so much for their manners or protocol but because their ‘real self’ isn’t good-enough, their self-esteem is bound to suffer. (For example: ‘When you’re at school make sure you don’t say or do … like you usually do’ or ‘You can’t go out looking like that, it shows up your … what do you think people are going to think?’ or when a lively enquiring child is told ‘If you ask me why one more time I’ll stop the car and you’ll have to walk home.’)
being forced to engage in unsuitable activities – especially if there is a high chance that they will not do them well because they have little aptitude or motivation. (For example: forcing a tone-deaf child to play the violin, or insisting that a creatively biased child study sciences at university.)
being compared unfavourably to others. For example ‘Your sister would never have …’ or ‘Other children in the world would be grateful for …’ or ‘When we were your age, we never …’
being given the impression that their views or opinions are insignificant – especially over matters which concern them. (For example conversations about family holidays or their schooling that take place in their presence but without their involvement.)
being deprived of a reasonable explanation – especially when others are better informed. (For example ‘… because I say so’ or ‘You wait till you’re grown up, then you’ll understand.’)
being given a label which devalues their individuality. For example ‘You girls are all the same’ or ‘Kids – who’d have them?!’
being over-protected – especially if they are given the impression that this is because they are particularly weak or stupid. (For example ‘No you can’t go by yourself, because knowing you they’ll take you for a ride.’)
over-punishing – especially if they are given the impression that they are intrinsically bad. (For example ‘It’s the only way to teach you a lesson – you’re a born trouble-maker.’)
being given too few rules and guidelines – especially if the lack of these causes the children to make numerous avoidable mistakes and then get put down for making them. (For example not giving children adequate guidelines about sexual behaviour and then condemning them for making an embarrassing remark in public, or becoming pregnant; or not making a rule about playing with the matches and then getting cross when they burn themselves.)
being on the receiving end of inconsistent behaviour – especially if this is in their relationship with people who are responsible for their security. Those children whose parents ‘blow hot and cold’ with their love and attention are often left with the feeling that there is something wrong with them which is preventing them from being consistently lovable or pleasing to be with.
being threatened with or receiving physical violence – especially if they are told that they have driven the perpetrator to this immoral and undesirable act. (For example ‘You’re the only person in the world who makes me feel violent’ or ‘I feel awful about having hit you, but you’re so difficult.’)
being subjected to inappropriate sexual innuendo or contact – especially