target="_blank" rel="nofollow" href="#fb3_img_img_0442e887-f118-5306-a677-5dcb622143db.jpg" alt="image"/> doing boring, repetitive work – especially when it’s of the kind we know could equally well be done by a mindless robot
These are just some of the more common experiences I know about! I am well aware that many of you will have experienced many more serious threats and damage, which may include, for example:
– prolonged unemployment or unfair dismissal
– persistent political or social discrimination
– sexual abuse
– violent attack to ourselves or our property
– serious deterioration of, or damage to, either body or mind.
And let’s not forget the vicious cycle that can start as soon as we receive just any one (not to mention two or more!) of these knocks.
Although all the above experiences have the potential to hurt our self-esteem, the extent of the damage caused by each individual knock will, of course, depend on a number of variable factors, such as:
– the sheer quantity of blows – don’t we all know the ‘last straw’ feeling?
– the current state of our basic, inner sense of self-worth which is, of course, substantially shaped and formed by the experiences our self-esteem has met both in childhood and as adults
– our physical health – don’t we all know how much more a put-down hurts when we are tired or ‘off colour’?
– the quality of our self-protective skills which enable us to ‘fight back’ and assert ourselves
– the amount of power and status we currently have in each situation. For example, an unfair criticism from a peer is unlikely to have the same wounding power as that of a senior colleague who uses his or her power to humiliate us in the course of an important public meeting.
It is going to be fun to watch and see how long the meek can keep the earth after they inherit it
Kin Hubbard
And finally, our ability to withstand each of these knocks will depend on just how many of these factors are currently in play. The low self-esteem cycle is so vicious that it is not uncommon to find all five present at once!
It is therefore vital that those of us who find ourselves prone to getting caught up in such negative whirlpools know how to use efficient, purposeful and even sometimes aggressive strategies in defence of our self-esteem.
With the odds for success and happiness so very heavily weighted against people with shaky self-esteem, who can afford simply to sit back and patiently hope that Lady Luck or a guiding star will eventually bring a fair share of good fortune? So let’s move into action!
Laying the Foundations for Action
In this section we will be covering the background personal development work which I find most people need to do before they can make effective use a self-esteem building programme. Even if you have already done a considerable amount of work on yourself, I would suggest that you read quickly through this section as I shall be referring to many of the concepts and strategies discussed here in the practical exercises in Sections Three and Four.
Ten Golden Keys to Self-esteem
Most of us have more commitment to an activity if we can understand the purpose and philosophy behind what we are trying to do. In this chapter I have outlined the basic principles behind the self-esteem-building programme. I have used a mnemonic based on the letters in the words SELF-ESTEEM to make this bit of the theory easier to remember.
Scrutiny
Explanation
Love
Focus
Envisaging
Strategy
Triggers
Encouragement
Experimentation
Monitoring
Scrutiny
Before we begin making any change it is always advisable to make a detailed study of the current status quo. In the area of self-esteem-building work, this means taking steps to increase our own self-awareness and doing a thorough review of our lifestyle and relationships.
You may find that this is the most scary stage of all. People often think that once they start serious self-reflection they may get even more down and depressed. This only happens if there is no effective personal development programme to support the ‘navel-gazing’ work. You need not worry – I assure you this book contains enough ideas to help line the walls of your whole house with practical action plans!
