stood up, looking at Gary, his hands on his hips. ‘We’re fucking league champions, Gary. Right now, at this moment in time, we are the fucking best, so we should be frightened of no one. We should be able to go out there on Saturday and show them that they should be intimidated by us, not the other way around. We should be able to win that match easy.’
‘Not if you play the way you’ve been playing this morning we won’t. You letting yourself get a bit too distracted by the new lady in your life?’ Gary winked.
‘Fuck off,’ Ryan sighed, turning away and walking over to the touchline, his head down.
‘Going somewhere, Fisher?’
Ryan looked up. Jim Allen stood right there in front of him dressed – unusually for him – for the training ground rather than the office, sporting tracksuit bottoms, football boots, and a white t-shirt that clung to a physique most forty-nine-year-old men would kill for. Lately he’d been involving himself more and more in the physical aspects of training, and Ryan wondered if this need to keep in shape had anything to do with the fact he was now married to a younger woman – a very beautiful younger woman. A woman Ryan didn’t really want to think about for too long, because it still hurt. No matter how much he pretended it didn’t.
‘No. Just taking a break, boss.’
Jim continued to stare at him, raising an eyebrow, but he said nothing. He just let him go, and Ryan didn’t stop to argue. He needed five minutes away from it all, just to get his head together.
Things with Ellen had started moving way faster than he’d wanted them to, even though he’d tried his hardest not to give her any signals that could easily be interpreted the wrong way. He was determined to try and put his old ways behind him, but he was beginning to realise that going cold turkey wasn’t the best idea. Baby steps – that was the way to go about a change he had a feeling was going to take a lot of getting used to. Little by little, step by step, and he’d get there. But the fact Ellen had started talking about staying over at his place, leaving some of her things there so she didn’t have to keep bringing stuff over – that was the thin end of the wedge as far as Ryan was concerned. And no way was he anywhere near ready enough to have her move in with him, even though it was more than obvious that that was what she was hinting at. His life was in no state to welcome a serious relationship. Not the way things stood at the minute.
Everything was so much harder than he’d ever thought it would be. Something that should be so simple was proving to be the most difficult thing Ryan had ever had to face, but the past year had changed him in so many ways. And maybe the one thing he’d tried not to think about over the past few days was the only option left open to him now. He certainly had to open his mind to the idea that it could be a possibility.
His head was spinning with everything that was going on in there, and now, more than ever, Ryan wished he had someone he could talk to. He wished he had Amber.
‘I can’t believe I did that, Debbie, I really can’t,’ Amber sighed, sinking into the soft cushions of the sofa in the bar they’d ducked into for a glass or two of wine after a particularly busy morning’s shopping.
‘You said Jim’s fine about it.’ Debbie sat down on the chair opposite Amber. ‘In fact, you said he’s more than fine.’
‘He is,’ Amber went on, crossing her legs and wishing she could kick off her shoes. She was still getting used to walking in these new heels, never mind shopping in them, and her feet were killing her. Why she’d let Debbie talk her into wearing them today she had no idea. She wasn’t usually swayed so easily. ‘But still… I must have sounded like some crazed, hormonal, pre-menopausal madwoman. The poor bugger was only trying to get ready for work and I walk in and start demanding a baby! I still can’t believe those words came out of my own mouth.’
Debbie briefly turned her attention to the young man who’d just turned up at their table with an ice bucket and a bottle of something white and sparkling. She smiled at him as he placed it down in front of them, and Amber couldn’t help but be slightly amused at his flustered expression. Debbie could be quite intimidating when she wanted to be, with her striking white-blonde hair and glamorous exterior. ‘I envy you sometimes, Amber,’ Debbie sighed, winking at the young man as he beat a hasty retreat back behind the bar.
‘Envy me? Why? Look at the life you’ve got.’
‘Hmmm,’ Debbie said, leaning forward to pour two glasses of champagne. ‘It’s not quite as fabulous as I make it out to be, chick. Gary hasn’t changed all that much since we got married, although, to be honest, after what happened with Ryan, he is trying to rein it in a little bit, and for that I should be eternally grateful, I suppose. But you and Jim… oh, what I wouldn’t give to have a man like that.’
‘Yeah, well, hands off. He’s mine.’ Amber threw Debbie a small smile as she took the glass she held out for her, indulging in a long and very welcome sip of the cold, bubbly liquid.
‘And you two will make such beautiful babies,’ Debbie sighed, leaning back in her seat as she sipped her own champagne.
Amber couldn’t help smiling again, even though that smile was accompanied by a brief and unwelcome jolt of reality. A reality that was starting to bite hard. ‘I’d like to think so… Christ, listen to me! This is mad, Debbie. I mean, marriage, babies, a career that takes me out of the North East way more than I’d like it to – all things I never thought I wanted. Well, okay, at the back of my mind I suppose I did always wonder what it would be like to have kids, but I never really wanted them. Not at the time. Does that make sense?’
‘Sort of.’ Debbie frowned, crossing and uncrossing her long, tanned legs, giving the men sitting across the bar from them more than they’d bargained for. She was wearing a short, lemon-yellow sundress and Amber could only pray that she was wearing underwear. You never could tell with Debbie.
Amber took another sip of champagne, and for a second she had to stop and think about where her life had taken her over the past few months. Yes, it had all happened so fast – sometimes it took her breath away to think of how quickly her life had been turned on its head, to the point where she was now sitting in one of the most upmarket bars on Newcastle’s Quayside, drinking champagne in the middle of the afternoon. Who’d have thought?
‘Earth calling Amber.’
Debbie’s voice pulled Amber back to reality and she turned to look at her friend.
‘You were miles away, chick. Everything okay?’
Amber looked down for a second, focusing on the beautifully understated but perfect wedding ring on the third finger of her left hand. A never-ending band of white gold that signified perfectly her love for Jim Allen. Never-ending. It always had been and it always would be. She couldn’t see that ever changing now. So maybe she owed it to him to be honest. Once she knew the facts.
‘I don’t know.’ She looked back up at Debbie’s slightly confused expression. ‘I don’t know if everything’s okay.’
‘Has something happened, hon? Are you and Jim okay?’
‘Oh God, yes. We’re fine, I don’t mean that… Me and Jim, we’re good, we’re more than good. It’s just… me becoming a mum it’s… it may not be quite as simple as I might have made it out to be.’
Debbie put her glass down, leaning further forward, her expression still confused. ‘How do you mean, chick?’
