‘You were amazing. No way would anyone have thought that was your first time behind that desk. You handled this lot like a pro.’
Amber laughed as she mouthed ‘goodnight’ to one of Ronnie’s fellow pundits as he made his way out of the studio. ‘Yeah, well, keeping you lot in line is easy really. You just need to know what you’re doing.’ She threw Ronnie a wink before finally, and reluctantly, getting up out of her seat. She’d grown quite comfortable in that chair over the past few hours, and she couldn’t wait to sit in it again tomorrow when she was due to co-host the channel’s regular Saturday afternoon Soccer Special – the first of the new season – alongside Steve.
‘Have you ever thought about having kids, Amber? I reckon you’d make a great mum. If you can keep this rabble in line then babies’ll be a breeze!’
It was a comment that had come out of nowhere, but it was a throw-away comment none-the-less and Amber knew that, because Ronnie had no idea what was going on in her life right now. But it still hit her hard. It still touched a nerve.
‘Yeah,’ she sighed, looking around for her phone. She’d thrown it down on the desk during one of the ad breaks and now she couldn’t find it anywhere. ‘Maybe.’
Ronnie frowned, sensing her change of mood immediately. ‘Everything all right?’
She looked at him. ‘Hmm? Sorry? Did you say something?’
‘Is everything okay? Only, you’ve gone a bit quiet. Is it something I’ve said?’
He’d said that with his tongue firmly in his cheek, it was obvious, and Amber couldn’t help but smile. ‘Funnily enough, yes.’
Ronnie’s expression changed instantly. ‘Huh? What… what have I said?’
Amber suddenly wished she hadn’t said anything now. She’d just inadvertently opened up floodgates she’d intended to keep very firmly shut until she had some answers. Until she’d spoken to Jim.
‘Nothing,’ she mumbled, finally finding her phone underneath an old running order. ‘Forget it.’
‘Erm, no. Can’t do that, sorry. Come on, what’s up? What have I said?’
Amber checked her phone for messages and saw that she had one from Jim, telling her he was on his way to the studios to pick her up and take her home.
‘I shouldn’t really be telling anyone else this, Ronnie.’
‘Not even your best friend?’
She looked at him. He was concerned now, worried. She couldn’t exactly leave him hanging, could she? She knew what he was like. If she didn’t give him some kind of plausible explanation he’d only be ringing her at all hours of the night, just to make sure she was okay.
She sighed, probably a touch too heavily, throwing her head back. ‘You said I’d make a great mum, right?’
‘Yeah. So…’ His eyes widened. ‘You’re not, are you?’
Oh, how she wished she could just nod and tell him yes, she was. How she wished she could do that. But instead she just shook her head, and quickly told him everything that had happened over the past couple of days. Things she should probably have told him before, considering he was her very best friend, the closest person to her, bar her father. So maybe she shouldn’t have shut him out, but thanks to Debbie’s fast-tracking of the whole situation there hadn’t really been time to fill him in on all the details.
‘So, I’m just waiting to see what Dr. Lowry has to say,’ Amber said, fiddling with her watch strap, her eyes looking down at the desk. ‘Waiting to find out the truth.’
Ronnie said nothing for a few seconds. He was too stunned. ‘Jesus, Amber, sweetheart. Why didn’t you… why didn’t you talk to me?’
‘Come on, Ronnie. You’ve just got married. You’ve got Karen to think of now, you don’t need me and my problems.’
He walked over to her, tilting her chin up so their eyes met. ‘Hey, now, listen. You listen to me. I will always need you, we’re a team, you and me. You’re my best friend, Amber, and your problems, they’re my problems too, kiddo, so don’t ever shut me out again, do you hear me?’ He smiled at her, and she couldn’t help but smile back, even though she could feel those stupid tears starting to well up behind her eyes again. ‘So I take it you haven’t spoken to Jim about any of this?’
She shook her head. ‘He knows I want a baby, he just doesn’t know how much. Or how difficult it might be for it to happen at all. Oh God, Ronnie, I really should have talked to him, shouldn’t I?’
Ronnie sighed, pulling her against him for a hug. ‘I don’t know, babe. I really don’t know. I mean, he is your husband, and this does concern him…’
She pulled away from him, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. ‘I’ve done everything back to bloody front again, haven’t I? What happened to the organised, controlled Amber I used to be?’
‘Hey, hang on, kiddo.’ Ronnie almost had to run to keep up with her as she made a fast exit out of the studio, heading towards the Green Room. ‘Hang on! Look, maybe it is best to wait and see exactly what it is you’re dealing with, but then you do need to talk to him.’
‘Yeah, I know that, Ronnie.’ She stopped walking and turned to face him. ‘I don’t even know if he really wants a baby. I don’t even know that.’
‘I thought you said he was fine about it?’
‘He could just be humouring me.’
‘And why would he do that? He loves you.’
‘Doesn’t mean to say he has to agree with everything I want, does it?’
‘You’re being slightly paranoid now.’
‘Am I?’
‘Yeah. You are. Why wouldn’t he want a baby?’
‘Because he’s almost fifty years old?’
‘And looks about fifteen years younger, the bastard… Look, you’re just throwing ridiculous excuses around now. I’m sure that whatever Jim’s told you, he means it. And these tests… if they…’ He stopped talking, looking down at the ground, pushing a hand through his hair.
‘You can say it, Ronnie. If I don’t get the answers I want to hear – is that what you were going to say?’
‘Amber, babe, just talk to him. And talk to me, okay? You know I’m always here. Just because some things have changed for both of us, it doesn’t mean to say our friendship has to. Does it?’
She shook her head. ‘No. No, it doesn’t.’ She looked up into his eyes, trying desperately not to let the tears that were threatening run free. Jesus, she was turning into some kind of hormonal wreck! ‘I’m scared, Ronnie. I’m scared because… because if these results come back and… and they’re not what I want to hear… I don’t know how I’m going to be able to handle that. I don’t know if I can handle that.’
Ronnie pulled her into his arms again,
