she asked, frowning slightly. ‘Move where? Away from Tynemouth? I thought you loved that house?’
‘I do. I do, it’s a great house. But, if we’re gonna start a family…’
Amber felt her stomach lurch as he spoke, and everything she’d been trying so hard to forget, even if it was just for a few hours, suddenly invaded her head all over again.
‘… I think we need a bigger place, don’t you?’
‘I… Jim, I…’
‘I don’t want to leave Tynemouth, Amber. I really like it there, I love being by the sea. And if we do have kids then what better place to bring them up, huh? By the sea, with the beach on our doorstep? I just think that, well, it would be nice to buy a place together. A place that’s ours, something we chose as a couple. What do you say?’
She wanted to say a lot of things. She wanted to tell him how she wished everything was going to be as simple as he was now making it sound, when it was going to be anything but that. And part of her wished she hadn’t brought the subject of babies up at all, not until she knew what she was dealing with. But she’d let herself get carried away with thoughts of her dream life with Jim, making her forget, for a brief amount of time, that none of it was going to be plain sailing.
She smiled, hoping it was a smile that had reached her eyes, because the last thing she wanted was for him to think she was hiding something. Even if she was.
‘We don’t need to rush into anything, do we?’
He frowned slightly, stroking her cheek with his thumb. ‘You don’t like the idea?’
‘I didn’t say that, Jim, I just… Do we have to make a decision right now?’ She knew just how to take his mind off moving house, how to steer the conversation away from anything that allowed her to think about something that only made her feel on edge. ‘I mean, while we’re here, together, shouldn’t we be making the most of our time doing things, rather than talking? Before we’re separated again?’
He returned her smile, and Amber felt her heart literally melt. He’d turned her into some kind of simpering, lovesick idiot at times, but he was all she’d ever wanted. Despite their shaky start, all those years of missing him, hating him, trying to keep him at bay, all she’d ever really wanted was to have him – totally. To be with him forever. Despite everything.
‘What you got in mind then, beautiful? You wanna show me some of your diversion tactics?’
She reached down and took him in her hand, closing her eyes as she kissed him, slowly.
‘Oh, baby, I can see you know exactly what you’re doing,’ Jim groaned, burying his fingers in her tousled hair as she stroked him harder, faster.
She felt him grow in her hand, excitement rising inside her as the tension built, their bodies warm and waiting.
‘Turn around,’ he whispered, his lips resting on hers as he spoke.
She looked at him, half of her not wanting to turn around because she liked to see him when they made love, liked to know he was really there, really hers. But the other half of her wanted to experience sex this way again; that wonderfully sensual experience of leaving it all up to him. So she slowly turned around, closing her eyes as he gently pulled her back against him, his hand running over her thigh, her waist, moving slowly around to touch her, to make sure she was ready for him – which she was, she was more than ready. And as his fingers plunged into that warm, wet place between her legs she cried out loud, gripping the pillow tight as he opened her up, preparing her for what was about to happen. Oh Jesus, what he could do to her with just one touch.
She gasped as his fingers entered her briefly, biting down on her lip as they moved around inside her, his groans sending her stomach into a barrage of continuous somersaults as he pushed deeper, causing her to cry out again.
As his lips kissed that space just below her ear, he gently pulled his fingers out of her, her body relaxing slightly as his hand ran back up and over her stomach, carefully cupping one of her breasts as he slowly pushed into her from behind. Amber groaned loudly, pushing herself back against him, wanting him to go deep, to push harder. She could feel him fully inside her now, his lips brushing the back of her neck, her shoulder, shivers rocketing up and down her spine like some constant, crazy electric shock as he whispered things in her ear that turned her on like crazy. She was so in love with this man that when she was with him, when they were this close, nothing else mattered. Nothing. Because this was all she’d ever wanted. He was everything, and he had been for over twenty years. That was never going to change.
‘It’s okay, baby,’ he whispered, his hand sliding between her legs again, touching her, helping her on her way to what she knew was going to be one sweet climax. And when that release came, it came fast and hard, an intense wave of white-hot pleasure flowing rapidly through her body, coming in short, sharp spasms as he held her tight against him, his lips kissing her neck, whispering to her until he came, too, just as fast and just as hard. ‘Jesus, Amber…’
She smiled, closing her eyes, lying back against him, his hand closing over hers as it rested on her stomach. ‘I needed that like you wouldn’t believe,’ she moaned, just wanting to lie there until she fell asleep, not wanting to leave his arms. ‘I missed you so much.’
‘I missed you, too,’ he said, his mouth covering her shoulder in tiny kisses. ‘I missed you, too.’
Opening her eyes, she stayed facing away from him, staring at a picture of them both on the bedside table. A picture of them on their honeymoon. They looked happy, relaxed, Jim as handsome as ever, despite his eyes being covered by his trademark aviator sunglasses. Sometimes it all still felt like one big dream, a life she was living from the side lines because she couldn’t quite get her head around the reality. But she knew now, more than ever, that reality had to be faced, head-on. She’d always thought she’d been prepared for the eventuality that she may never have children – she’d always, always thought that she’d be fine with that outcome. It wasn’t like she’d ever fooled herself into thinking some miraculous recovery was going to happen the second she found the right man. But now, more than ever, she only wished that were the case.
‘I need to see you, Max.’
‘What? Now? You do know what time it is, don’t you? And what are you doing on the phone at this time on a match day? I know Jim Allen’s softened up slightly since he married your ex but I wasn’t aware he’d given you lot carte blanche to break every rule he’d ever imposed.’
‘Shut up, Max, will you?’
‘Oh, that’s a nice way to speak to the man who made you what you are.’
Ryan knew he’d said that with his tongue firmly in his cheek, and he sighed, leaning back against the wall as he tried to block out the sounds of a football stadium on a match day – the noise of the crowd outside, the chatter of voices coming from what seemed like every corner of the ground.
‘Can you come and see me or not, Max?’
‘What you up to?’
‘I’m not up
