from invaded his head. ‘I love her, Brandon. I love her so much it physically hurts sometimes.’
‘Then doesn’t she deserve to know the truth? Didn’t she deserve to know the truth from the start?’
Jim pushed both hands through his hair, looking down at the ground for a second or two. ‘Like I said, Brandon – it’s complicated.’
‘I just don’t get it, Dad. If you love her half as much as you say you do – if you care about her, then why did you hide my existence from her? Or is it just that you’ve let the lie grow so big that you’re now scared she’s going to freak out big time? Is that it? Because you can’t hide this any longer, you do know that, don’t you?’
Jim said nothing. What could he say? This was a mess he’d created, something he’d let get this far out of hand. And now it was up to him to try and limit the inevitable fallout.
‘Maybe if you’d been completely honest with her from the start then you wouldn’t be in this mess,’ Brandon said.
‘Yes, thanks, I’m aware of that.’ Jim sighed again. ‘But…’ He looked over at Brandon. ‘Look, I… I didn’t just walk straight back into her life and pick up where we’d left off all those years ago. It wasn’t that simple. When I came back up here, back up north, she didn’t even want to be in the same room as me to begin with, so believe me when I say this, I had to fight to get her to love me again, and I had to fight real hard, Brandon. I had to fight real hard to get her to trust me…’
‘But she’d be right, wouldn’t she? She’d be right not to trust you.’
‘I never meant for it all to get this far, you have to believe me. That’s the truth. I was always gonna tell her about you, at some point, but when I got word through that you’d signed for Wearside Spartans, I panicked. I know you’d mentioned you were in talks with an English club, and I should have been more prepared, but… I wasn’t ready, I just wasn’t. And I couldn’t just come out with it, could I? After all this time. I couldn’t just suddenly tell her that I had a twenty-year-old son.’
‘Why not? Because that’s exactly what you’re gonna have to do now. I’m tired of being your dirty little secret, Dad. I’m tired of denying who I really am, who I want to be. I want to be your son, don’t you get that?’
‘You’re not my “dirty little secret”, Brandon, come on…’
‘You should have told her.’
‘I know that. I know… Jesus…’ Jim stood up, walking back over to the sideboard to pour himself another drink. ‘The timing, it’s… it’s not good. We’re trying for a baby of our own right now and…’
‘Then I would’ve thought this was the perfect time to let her know that daddy duties aren’t exactly something you’re new to.’
Jim sat back down on the arm of the chair, clutching his drink. ‘Look, I know I haven’t exactly been the best dad in the world, but I’ve always tried to do what I think is best for you, Brandon, even though I’ve been so far away from you for most of your life. I’ve tried to do what I thought was right…’
‘She needs to know, Dad. And she needs to know now. The time for pretending is up, it’s over. I did as you asked for twenty years and I think that was long enough, don’t you? I don’t want to do it anymore, and I don’t think I should have to. I’m proud to be your son, and I’m only here, doing what I love, playing soccer for a living, because of you. Because I inherited your talent, I got that from you and I want to let everyone know that. I don’t want to hide away in the shadows and lie anymore. And it isn’t my fault that you can’t tell the truth. That isn’t my fault.’
What could Jim say? Brandon was right. He was this bright young talent from America, someone everyone was talking about right now, and it didn’t take a genius to work out that, no matter how much Jim wanted it to remain a secret – that Brandon Palmer was his son – it couldn’t stay that way. Brandon was right, none of this was his fault and if he wanted to tell the world who he really was, then he had every right to do that. But it was up to Jim to make sure that Amber heard the truth from him – she’d found out enough bad news through the press in the past, he didn’t want to put her through that again.
‘You can’t hide me away forever,’ Brandon went on. ‘Look, I want this to be a new start for us, don’t you see? This is why I came here, to England. Why I chose to play for Wearside Spartans. I did that because I wanted to be nearer to you. Because I want a new start for both of us.’
‘And I want that, too, Brandon. More than anything. But… can’t you just give me a little more time? Please? Just a little more time.’
Brandon leaned back against the windowsill, letting out a frustrated sigh. ‘You’ve got to tell her, Dad. Before she finds out for herself. Because, after what you’ve just told me, that would be nothing short of worst-case scenario. And if you love her half as much as you say you do, then I’m sure you don’t want that to happen.’
Once again, Jim knew Brandon was right. Of course he was right. And yes, he should have told Amber about him from the start, he should have looked for the right time a lot harder than he actually had. But he’d been so terrified of losing her that he’d pushed it all to the back of his mind. Yes, he’d always had every intention of telling her, but he’d kept putting it off and putting it off until it had just seemed easier to live with the lie. Because he’d never really expected a future with Amber. He’d just assumed that would never happen. But when he’d heard about Brandon’s move to Wearside Spartans the panic had set in. The truth had caught up with him, and now he was beginning to regret being so weak in the first place, because he had no idea how he was going to break the news to Amber without it sounding like he’d deliberately tried to hide it from her. Which he had. That was the reality of the situation, and he couldn’t change that.
‘You haven’t told anyone yet, have you? And Max, he’s been making sure nothing gets out? I’ve had a word with Wearside Spartans’ Chairman and he’s agreed to…’
‘I know what they’ve all agreed to, Dad. And I know how powerful a man you are in soccer circles, but I’m kinda tired of you pulling all these strings in order to keep our relationship a secret until the time is right for you to reveal the truth. That’s not really fair, and it’s putting extra pressure on me, pressure I don’t need right now, don’t you see that? So just tell Amber, all right? And tell her soon, because by the time you get to the stadium tomorrow everyone will know just who I am, and just who my famous father really is. I’m tired of pretending, Dad. So tell her. Because I don’t think you want her to find out any other way, do you?’
‘Is something wrong?’ Ellen turned over onto her side, reaching out to gently stroke Ryan’s rough chin, running her fingers lightly over stubble that was fast turning back into a beard. ‘You look – distracted.’
‘I’m just tired,’ he sighed, taking her hand in his and bringing it up to his lips, kissing it quickly, throwing her the famous Fisher grin. He was distracted, but she didn’t need to know that. The last thing he needed was for her to get even a whiff of anything he was up to. The fewer people who were involved in all of this the better. For now. ‘It was a tough match yesterday.’ He also had a slight hangover due to the
