television. What had happened with Eve had continued to trouble him and he found that he couldn’t put it out of his mind. He was more convinced than ever that something awful had happened to her and the thought plagued him. Eve had been so sweet and funny and it wasn’t right that she should have suffered in any way. He wanted to offer her his support, although he guessed that she would reject it. Eve didn’t want anything from him, as she had made clear.
In an effort to take his mind off the subject, he decided to go for a run. He was undertaking the Three Peaks Challenge to raise more funds in a few weeks’ time and he needed to step up his training. As soon as he got home, he changed into his running clothes and set off, taking the path that led along the riverbank. It was a mild evening, perfect for running, and he soon found himself unwinding. Maybe there was something he could do to help Eve, he mused. If he could just persuade her to trust him, it would be a start.
He rounded a bend and came to an abrupt halt when he almost cannoned right into Eve. ‘Sorry!’ he exclaimed, reaching out to steady her when she staggered. His hands gripped her forearms and he felt to the very second when surprise turned to something else. He quickly released her, trying to clamp down on the anger that rose inside him. Nobody should feel this scared, and especially not Eve!
‘I … I didn’t know you enjoyed running.’ Her voice was tight, hinting at the effort it cost her to speak at all, and he was overwhelmed with tenderness. Maybe she was scared but she was doing her best not to show it.
‘I’m not sure if I actually enjoy it but it’s a necessary evil,’ he replied lightly, grinning at her. ‘I’m supposed to be doing the Three Peaks Challenge soon and I need to get down to some serious training. I’d hate to think that I’ll be the one who has to drop out on the first leg!’
She smiled back. ‘I doubt that will happen. You look pretty fit to me.’
It was the sort of throwaway comment that anyone might have made; however, the fact that it was Eve who had made it did all sorts of things to his libido. Ryan cleared his throat, terrified that he would do the unforgivable and let her see the effect it was having on him. Eve hadn’t meant anything by it, he told himself sternly. And she certainly hadn’t meant to imply that she found him attractive!
‘I wish I shared your confidence.’ He managed to hold his smile but it was tough. Since he and Eve had met up again he had followed her lead and kept his distance. It was obviously what she wanted yet he couldn’t help wondering if he should have been more proactive. If he’d taken a different approach then maybe she would have found it easier to confide in him? The thought spurred him on even though the voice of reason was telling him to back off. He didn’t have time to worry about Eve when he had so much else on his agenda, reason insisted, but the advice fell on deaf ears.
‘I’ve become a real couch potato during the winter. I don’t think I’ve been out running more than a handful of times since Christmas, in fact. No way will I manage to climb the three highest mountains in Britain unless I put in some serious work.’
‘I see. Are you doing it as personal challenge or for charity?’ she queried, pushing back a strand of red-gold hair as the wind whipped it across her face.
‘Charity,’ Ryan replied thickly. He cleared his throat, doing his utmost to behave sensibly. He liked women and they liked him. He seemed to have a genuine rapport with the opposite sex, in fact, so that he had never really thought about all the nuances of a relationship. If he asked a woman out and she accepted—which she usually did—he simply got on with enjoying her company. If the relationship moved on to something more intimate, that was great. If it didn’t then he had made himself another friend.
What he had never done was stand around dissecting his feelings, totting up how much of what he felt was based on sexual attraction. He always saw a woman as a whole person and yet here he was, awash with lust, because he couldn’t get past the thought of touching that silky strand of hair!
‘I’m raising money to put a couple of portable defibrillators into the local high school,’ he explained hastily. Thinking about Scott, and what he needed to do, always focused his mind, although it didn’t seem to be quite as effective as usual. He hurried on. ‘Once they’re sorted, I’ll make a start on the primary schools.’
‘I see.’ Eve frowned, an almost imperceptible puckering of her brow, and his libido took a giant leap and set off running again. ‘It’s a great idea, obviously, but what made you get involved in a project like that?’
‘My brother.’ Ryan swallowed but there didn’t seem to be even the tiniest drop of moisture in his mouth. He longed to continue, to bombard Eve—and himself—with facts so he could forget how much he would like to smooth away those tiny frown lines, but it wasn’t possible.
‘He’s involved too, is he?’
‘In a way, yes.’
‘Funny, I never knew that you had a brother.’
Her frown deepened, as well it might, Ryan realised bleakly. Although they had been good friends and swapped a lot of confidences, he had never told her about Scott. They had chatted about work, about their ambitions, about music they liked and films they had seen, but never about the one thing that had had the biggest influence on his life. Now he realised with a start that he hadn’t told her because he’d wanted their conversations to be a sort of haven. When he was with Eve, he could forget everything else. He wasn’t Scott’s brother or his parents’ sole remaining child: he was simply himself.
Eve had no idea what was going on inside Ryan’s head and she didn’t want to know either. Something warned her that it would be far too stressful. She summoned a smile, the sort of brightly meaningless smile she had spent ages practising in front of her bedroom mirror. After she had left Damien, she hadn’t smiled for months. There’d been nothing to smile about, but gradually she had realised that she had to play her part for other people’s benefit. They would only ask questions if she went around with a long face.
‘That’s good. It must be nice to share a common interest.’
‘It would be if Scott was around.’
Ryan’s voice was so empty of emotion that it rang hollowly. Eve’s eyes flew to his face and her heart contracted when she saw the expression it held. Even though she really didn’t want to ask the question, she had no choice. She couldn’t ignore the pain in his eyes, couldn’t pretend she didn’t see it even though it was what she longed to do.
‘What do you mean? Why isn’t he around?’
‘My brother died when we were seventeen. We were twins—fraternal, not identical. Not that it makes any difference, of course.’
‘I had no idea …’ She stopped and he shrugged.
‘Why should you? I never told you about him so there’s no way you could have known.’
‘Why?’ The word slid out before she could stop it and she bit her lip. She was falling into the trap she’d wanted to avoid, asking questions, listening to answers, moving that bit closer to another human being. She needed to remain detached, indifferent, uninvolved but it wasn’t possible. Not with Ryan anyhow.
‘Why didn’t I tell you?’ He grimaced. ‘Oh, all sorts of reasons. Because I wanted to enjoy our conversations without having to think about what had happened. Because I didn’t want to be Scott’s brother, i.e. the twin who hadn’t died. Because, selfishly, I just wanted to be myself with all that did and didn’t entail.’
His
