swore under his breath as he sat down. He leant across the table, his frustration rising because he didn’t dare touch her. Would they ever reach a point where he could? he wondered. A point where she wouldn’t shrink away and would welcome his touch? He had no idea yet all of a sudden it seemed incredibly important that it should happen. He needed to touch Eve, for his sake as well as for hers. She may have been absent from his life for several years but he wanted her to be part of it from now on.
The thought barely had a chance to filter through the receptors in his brain when there was a loud hammering on the cottage door. Ryan stood up, frowning as he glanced along the hall.
‘I wonder who that is,’ he said, his voice sounding rough thanks to all the emotions he’d had to contend with in the past half hour. He had slipped into a comfortable routine over the years. Although he dated frequently, he never gave one hundred per cent of himself to a relationship. There was always a couple of per cent held in reserve, a bit of himself going spare.
It was safer that way. If he held something back, he could remain focused on his objectives, i.e. keeping Scott’s name alive and raising money to prevent other families going through what his family had gone through. However, he knew that if he involved himself in Eve’s affairs, he wouldn’t be able to do that. He would have to give her one hundred per cent of himself and he wasn’t sure if it would be wise. Something warned him that every little bit he gave to Eve would make him want to give even more and where would that leave him? In over his head, in so deep that he’d never surface?
He had avoided love and avoided it for one very important reason: he didn’t want to be responsible for ruining some woman’s life. What if he fell in love, got married, had a child and, like Scott, it died? Although he wasn’t affected by the genetic abnormality that had caused his brother’s death, he could pass it on to his own children. That was why he was never going to have children and why he was never going to marry either. It wouldn’t be fair to enter into marriage on that basis. Maybe the woman would accept it at first, but what if she changed her mind? What if she decided that she wanted a family and he refused? How could any marriage survive that kind of pressure?
As he made his way to the door, Ryan realised that no matter how he felt about Eve, it wasn’t enough. Was that why he had stuck to friendship in the past? Why he had deliberately distanced himself after that kiss? Had he known, subconsciously, that Eve was the woman who could make him reconsider his decision to remain single?
With a sudden rush of insight, he knew it was true and it made him even more determined not to get involved with her on anything more than a friendly basis. Eve had been through enough, without him ruining her life as well.
Ryan’s heart was heavy as he opened the door. He frowned when he found his neighbour, Maureen Roberts, on the step. She was soaking wet, dripping water and river slime all over the doormat.
‘We need your help, Ryan,’ she said before he could speak. ‘A boy’s fallen into the river and he’s not breathing. My Frank pulled him out but he’s not sure what to do.’
‘Right. Have you phoned for an ambulance?’ Ryan asked immediately.
‘No. Frank’s phone won’t work. It was in his trouser pocket when he jumped into the water.’
‘No problem.’ Ryan glanced round when he heard footsteps and felt his heart lift when he saw Eve before he ruthlessly brought it back down to earth. No ringing bells, no shooting stars—just friendship.
‘Can you phone for an ambulance? A boy’s fallen into the river and he isn’t breathing. I’m going to see what I can do to help.’
He turned and jogged down the path, not waiting to see if Eve did as he’d asked. He knew she would, knew too that she would follow and help him. They were certainties like the sun rising each morning and setting each night and he could cope with them. What he couldn’t handle were all the unanswered questions buzzing around inside his head. Could he stick to being Eve’s friend? Or would he end up wanting more than friendship? And if he did, could he resist? Or would he give in?
He ran down the path to the river, ran as though his life depended on him getting there, but no matter how fast he went, he couldn’t outrun the questions.
Did he?
Would he?
Should he?
Could he?
He wished he knew!
THEY CARRIED ON trying to resuscitate the boy long after it became clear that it was hopeless. Eve took over again, pumping the child’s thin chest while Ryan breathed into his mouth. She wanted to tell him to stop, wanted to assure him that they’d done everything possible, but she couldn’t seem to find the words. How could she tell him that life was extinct when it was obviously so important to him that they save the boy?
The ambulance arrived at last and it was a relief to let the paramedics take over. Ryan supervised as the crew followed procedure and gave the boy a shot of adrenaline then tried to defibrillate him. They tried twice more but the result was the same: a flat, unwavering line on the screen. The boy was gone and now all that could be done for him was to inform his parents.
Ryan’s face was set as they watched the ambulance quietly drive away. There was no need for flashing lights or sirens now, Eve thought sadly. She forced herself to smile when Maureen came over to them, seeking reassurance.
‘We did everything possible, Maureen. There’s no knowing how long he’d been in the water before your husband saw him, so the odds were against us from the outset.’
‘I know that, love. It’s just so hard when it’s a child, isn’t it?’ Maureen’s face crumpled and tears rolled down her cheeks. ‘Those poor parents. I can’t imagine how awful it’s going to be for them when they find out.’
‘I know,’ Eve agreed sadly. ‘Is he a local child, do you know?’
‘No. Apparently, the family’s here on holiday. They’ve rented a caravan over at Fulbrook Farm,’ Maureen explained, sniffing noisily. Her husband appeared just then, grey-faced with shock, and led her away.
Eve sighed as she turned to Ryan, who had been standing silently to one side. ‘That’s it, then. There’s nothing more we can do.’
She thought he hadn’t heard her at first but then he nodded. Swinging round on his heel, he led the way up the path, pausing briefly to give the police officer who had attended the scene his name and address. Eve gave hers as well, nodding when she was informed that she would be required to make a statement later. It was procedure and she would do what had to be done even though it gave her no pleasure. A young life had been lost and it was a tragedy.
Was that why it had had such an impact on Ryan? Had it reminded him of losing his brother? He had never told her how his twin had died but it could explain why he seemed so deeply affected by what had happened. Eve bit her lip as she followed him into the house. Whilst she didn’t want to become too involved in his affairs, she couldn’t walk away when he needed her. It wouldn’t be fair, especially after the way he had listened to her, listened and not judged her as he’d had every right to do. He had been a good friend in the past and he had been a good friend today too. Talking to him had made her feel so much
