“Off with you now, go play with the others.” She smiled at Joshua, who immediately took off into the alleyways of Nazareth.
Meanwhile Judith was annoying Esther, as she always did. Today she was pulling at the braids of her older sister, who was just fetching the bread from the oven.
∞
Sarah smiled. She was proud of her children. She loved them. Judith and Esther were wonderful girls who fortunately did not have to endure much of Samuel’s violence. Samuel always let her or Joshua feel the full force of his dissatisfaction. Joshua worried her, for he had a hard lot. And the fact that he would be leaving Nazareth soon, was on the one hand important in order to escape from the narrow confines, yet on the other hand also not good for him. He had finally made a friend. Jesus was a good boy, she even felt that Joshua could not possibly find a better friend. After al she deeply and firmly believed that Jesus was the Messiah. And to play with a Messiah in your childhood was of course great and a unique chance. Joshua had always been together with the girls earlier, which had made him kind of an outsider. On the other hand Joshua would begin a new life in Ephesus and also find new friends. Maybe a new town where Samuel would be assigned many new tasks would change the relationship to his son. Maybe he would become calmer. Then the move would have already been worth it. She has this hope, and it would be worth this hope. No matter how hard the farewell from Nazareth might be.
Sarah was able to find some peace and return to her self whenever she baked bread. Baking bread was a source of divine energy. It was a time in which she clearly felt the presence of God’s love. She enjoyed the time which she gave to the bread, the time required to prepare the dough and with every motion of kneading to give her love to the bread and thus to her family. Baking bread was holy for her, it was a mystical prayer to her creator who then gifted her with the wholesome smell of the hot bread when she removed it from the oven.. What a joy was spread in the world through the bread! Something that had truly mystical power was created by the simple union of flour, water and salt. Every person should always have a right to bread. No person should ever be allowed to starve from lack of bread. Hopefully future generations would always have enough bread. Without bread there would be no life, in her eyes bread was life itself. God had created grain, the flour was ground by human labor, and the dough was formed by human persistence and baked by the holy fire of God. It was completed when it was broken and shared with all friends and sometimes also with travelling foreigners. Then God was very near. Then Sarah felt thankful and recognized herself as a creation of God.
Sarah loved fire. For her fire was sacred. It was her secret that she spoke with the fire-spirits. Sometimes she saw these graceful and at the same time wild beings in the flickering flames. Maybe this was the reason that her bread was so popular in Nazareth. The women of Nazareth often had differing opinions regarding the subject of how best to prepare various dishes, but they all agreed on one thing: Sarah’s bread simply tasted the best. One part of her talents as a baker consisted in building a fire and watching it until the ashes had reached just the right temperature for baking. Then the fire spirits whirled about in the flames especially quickly and gave her the sign to begin with the bread-baking. She had to smile. That was always like that and worked like a charm. Often some of the women of the village cam by as if by chance and watched her enviously. She knew that they wanted to find out what her secret was, but her secret was well hidden. Sarah’s artistry as a baker was one of the greatest mysteries of the village.
For today she was done with baking, but it was only completed when she had said her daily prayer which she loved so much and which every Jewish child learned from early on. The boys at school, the girls from their mothers. Sarah prayed: “You, Lord, are my shepard. I will suffer no want, you lead me onto green pastures and to fresh waters and you lead me through life safely for the sake of your name. Even if I have to pass through dark valleys, I am not afraid for you Lord are with me and comfort me. You always give my enough bread, you bathe my head with oil and my cup is always full. Happiness and good fortune accompany me in my life and I am allowed to live in your house as long as I live. Amen.”
Miriam had often come over to her lately, in order to bake the bread for both families together with her. Her talks with Miriam were so powerful that she created visions of a better world in the presence of her friend. They often spoke about the greatness of God, about the wonderful love which he gave to humanity. She was not allowed to tell Samuel about this, for according to his opinion, women were not supposed to be concerned with God but rather the household. And especially not her, Sarah, the wife of the rabbi of Nazareth.
Sarah observed her two daughters. She smiled again. She loved Esther just as if she were her own daughter. She was a nice child, but it seemed as if a certain sadness was in her which was not tangible and often hid itself well. For example today, how she was playing with Judith and frolicking with her in the courtyard. The bread was finished, they needed to a few moments of playtime right now.
Sarah didn’t notice Bealja, until he was standing directly in front of her. He bid her farewell and disappeared toward Sepphoris, where he still had to tend to some business. Shortly thereafter Samuel appeared and told her that they would be departing for Ephesus within a few weeks time. He would be informed of the exact date in due time. That was all. Thankfully, for she had no use for his presence at the moment. Then he proceeded to the synagogue, in order to – as Sarah suspected – give an offering of thanks to God. Generally she was full of admiration for her husband, who was a good rabbi. But his hypocrisy and the bad husband and father he was caused her heart to turn to ice toward him. She had learned to protect it long ago. Yet just a few days ago she had had to acknowledge to herself that it had not been completely invulnerable yet. Samuel had never before been that brutal. He had never caused her so much physical pain. Her heart had never been wounded so badly before. She had raised a higher and thicker wall around herself these last few days, which hopefully could not be torn down anymore. She had built in a small door so that her children could always enter her innermost sanctum, as well as Miriam, Jesus and other kind people whom she might meet in the future. But Samuel was never to find a place in her heart again. Now, simply too much had happened for that to ever be allowed again.
∞
“Woman, where is my son?”, Samuel shouted loudly. “Where is Joshua now again?”
“He is playing outside in the alley with Rachel.” Sarah could guess that Samuel wanted to teach him again.
“Tell him that he is supposed to appear here immediately.” Samuel went back into the house while Sarah searched for her son.
After a short period of time Joshua showed up in the house. “You called for me, father?”
“Yes. Since class had to be cancelled today I want us to read together in the scriptures first and then you can do your writing exercises. I don’t want to see you wasting your free time, but rather you ought to keep in mind that only by mastering the art of writing you will be able to gain a good reputation as a scribe later on and become a rabbi..”
Joshua bit his tongue instead of replying.
Samuel fetched his private torah scroll from his chamber. It was not as pretty as the one in the synagogue, but it was well suited for daily use.
“Joshua, what should we read?” It seemed as if Samuel was in a good mood. He had enjoyed the talk with Bealja. He seemed happy about the prospect of leaving Nazareth.
“Let’s read the part from the first book of Moses, where Jacob meets Laban’s daughter Rachel in Charan.” Joshua always associated ‚his’ Rachel with this and then it was easier for him to read the passage because he could vividly imagine the scene. And he could not imagine a more beautiful image than Rachel.
“Good, let’s read
