the two 60-yard lengths of peat bog – beating the previous record of 1 minute 35.46 seconds.
28-seconds is a long time when you are up to your neck in a black bog…
The Times
It must rank as one of the weirdest global spectator sports, with more than 1.5million people logging on to watch a 44lb handmade Cheddar cheese from Shepton Mallet slowly maturing. The Somerset-based cheese, named Wedginald, is the star of www.cheddarvisiontv.com. Along with a huge picture of the prized cheese, the website’s only other noticeable feature is a chronicle of how long it has been maturing: in days, hours, minutes and seconds.
The Times
Amidst all the fever of the 2007 Rugby World Cup semi finals in October the Daily Telegraph had a whole page headlined 30 REASONS WHY WE HATE THE FRENCH. High up on the list:
Because they make love more than anyone else.
On average that’s 137 times a year.
We manage only 119.
Daily Telegraph
A Daily Telegraph leader said of the rugby that it was a noble defeat which should be inspiring to every Briton.
Daily Telegraph
The Sun tried to cheer up its readers with a page one headline:
OH WELL, THERE’S ALWAYS DARTS
Sun
Discussion about New Zealand rugby players performing their pre-match Haka war dance produced the suggestion that the English team should respond with Morris dancing. Peter Croft, of Cambridge, thought that such a response would fall foul of international human rights conventions prohibiting cruel and unusual punishment.
Sunday Telegraph
It is illegal to die in the Houses of Parliament…
A woman arrested for shoplifting had a whole salami in her knickers. She said it was because she was missing her Italian boyfriend.
Manchester Evening News
Isobel Whatrup, of Gillingham, Kent, tells of a friend who decided to sell some surplus vegetables from a table outside the house, relying on an honesty box. Someone stole the table.
Daily Telegraph
Karim Allison, of Middlesbrough, reported his wheelie bin missing and got a letter from Victim Support offering him emotional support.
‘What I need,’ he said, ‘is just a new bin.’
Guardian
A set of traffic lights was stolen in Reading and police said: ‘Some thieves will stop at nothing.’
Southend Evening Echo
A life-sized cardboard cut-out policeman – set up as a crime prevention measure – was stolen from a supermarket in Ripon, North Yorkshire.
Daily Telegraph
It seems to be becoming a national pastime. Shortly after the above theft another cardboard policeman failed to deter thieves – this time in Long Eaton, Derbyshire. The life-size figure of PC Bob Molloy, who had previously been credited with keeping shoplifters away from the local Co-Op, was seen on CCTV being carried away – tucked under a man’s arm.
Sunday Times
The law banning anyone from dying in the Houses of Parliament topped a poll on Britain’s most absurd rules. Second was the one banning the sticking of a postage stamp upside-down. More than half of the 3,931 taking part in the poll admitted breaking the law that bans the eating of mince pies on Christmas Day.
Sun
Some like it hot:
Police closed a street in Soho, London, for three hours amid fears of a chemical attack. But the acrid fumes hanging over the street came from a spicy dip with extra chillies being cooked in a Thai restaurant.
Sunday Times
At Woolwich Crown Court Mr Justice Openshaw asked: ‘What is a website?’ This joins a list of comments that are forever trotted out in support of the legend of judicial ignorance. The list includes:
What are the Beatles?
Who is Gazza?
What is Linford Christie’s lunch box?
What is a Teletubby?
What is B&Q?
(Next day the judge said he had played dumb ‘to assist the jury’ and was seeking an explanation ‘in the interests of justice’)
The Times
A supermarket till operator in Aberdare, South Wales, overheard a customer say ‘Battle of Hastings’ as she tapped in her PIN. Using the customer’s debit card he tapped 1066 into the store’s cash machine and plundered £170.
The Times
Ipswich Crown Court gave a driving instructor a 12-month supervision order and 80 hours unpaid community work after hearing that he had told a 17-year-old girl pupil: ‘Your breasts would make a good mobile phone holder.’
Daily Mail
19-year-old Kyle Little was arrested under the Public Order Act for barking at two dogs. His name was cleared in Newcastle Crown Court in a hearing that cost £8,000. Judge Beatrice Bolton said: ‘I don’t think Section Five of the Public Order Act applies to dogs.’
The dogs’ owner said: ‘They were not upset by it at all.’
Daily Telegraph
PC 1064 of the Norfolk Constabulary is a local hero in Lithuania and has been awarded a medal for the way he helps Lithuanians over here. The ever-helpful Guardian filled a page with the story of PC Gary Pettengell and included vital translations of essential phrases:
Hello, hello, hello (Labas, labas, labas)
Move along there please (Vijeok deasi prasau)
Let’s be having you (Kilosek minas)
Evening
