in once every year or so when you were passing through to a rodeo or hauling a horse to breed—but making planned trips to see him, only him. Being a father means making time, even if you miss your first ride at the next rodeo.”
“Whether I could have done that isn’t the issue here. You had no right to make that decision for me,” he said, no longer caring if other customers overheard.
“I realized not long ago that I’d been wrong to not tell you,” she said. “I can’t undo what I did or give you back the lost time with Will, but I can give you his future. I’m here for the summer so you can get to know your son.”
He wasn’t sure he’d heard her right, couldn’t figure out why she’d changed her mind. Until this moment blaming her had somewhat eased the stinging blow to his pride, but now the impact of her words hit him like the kick of a mare. Rather than rejoice that she had finally admitted to being wrong and was now allowing him to be Will’s father, he wondered whether he really could be a father. A good father.
His relationship with his own father was dismal at best. His dad barked orders, pointed out every mistake and expected James to jump like his troops on the military base. He’d always claimed he did it to make James better, stronger.
In spite of their inability to agree on anything, James called his dad every couple of weeks. Their conversations always ended in an argument. His father would point out that a real man would want to defend his country. James resented the not-too-subtle reminder that his dad believed him an irresponsible failure.
He watched Kelly help Will get a drink of milk. The boy fussed when she wiped his mouth with a moist towelette, using hands that were gentle yet strong, like the woman.
He had missed her, the friendship they’d shared, the way she had always supported him, believed in him without question. And he didn’t understand what had caused everything to get so messed up between them. “Kel, how can you have been so sure what I would have done back then, when I don’t know the answer myself? And what’s different now, that made you change your mind about me?”
Kelly tossed the used towelette on the table. “James, please.”
She pulled the tray out from the high chair and lifted Will into her lap. “I struggled and struggled with this from the beginning, wanting to tell you, hoping that maybe if you knew…”
“What?”
She bit her bottom lip. “I wanted to do the right thing for all of us—you, me and our child. I must have picked up the phone a million times.”
James frowned. He might have had a wild streak back then, but he wanted to think he would have taken care of his child. Sure, he’d always had to prove himself by riding the meanest bronc and the rankest bull, driving the fastest car and tossing back the most beer, but last year a bad spill in Fort Worth had made him realize he was jeopardizing his veterinary career. Now he only competed if someone needed a partner in team roping on weekends. Regardless, she ought to know he wasn’t completely without values.
“You should have called,” he said. “I would have come after you—”
“I did call.”
“When?”
“After Will’s birth.” Kelly nestled her cheek against the child’s head and cradled him in her arms, rocking back and forth as the boy’s hand caught hold of her braid, which had fallen over her shoulder.
“I don’t understand. I never got your message.” James couldn’t force himself to look away from their son playing with her hair. Memories of taking it down, running his hands through the thick mass and then, later, enjoying the feel of it across his chest distracted him.
“I didn’t leave a message. When I called, some woman answered.”
“A woman?”
“For all I knew, you had settled down with a live-in girlfriend or maybe even married. I didn’t want to complicate things for you, so I hung up.”
He frowned, trying to figure out who had answered his phone. “I’ve never had a woman living with me. When did you call?”
“May fifth at seven o’clock in the morning, two years ago.”
Realization dawned. “That was my baby sister, Lindsey.”
Kelly stilled. “Lindsey?”
“Yeah. She and her husband, Joe, and their two kids came for a visit. Joe had graduated from officer-candidate school at Fort Sill, Oklahoma, and been made into what we always called a ‘shake and bake’ officer. They stayed here a week, then made their way to Houston where they caught a flight to Germany for a four-year hitch in the Army.”
“I didn’t know. I assumed—”
“You were wrong.”
She cocked her head to the side. “I see that now, but it was a natural assumption.”
“How do you figure that?”
“James, you’re like the blue-light special at the grocery. You can’t blame me for believing that some woman shopping for a man had finally snapped you up.”
“Why shouldn’t I? You blamed me for something I didn’t do.” He didn’t like how she made him feel, as if he were responsible for the man-chasing rodeo groupies. A niggling doubt sprang into his mind, and while he couldn’t accept it, he found himself asking, “Is that why you stayed with me that night? To see if you could snap me up?”
Her eyes widened. “Do you really believe I’d do that just to see if I could succeed where others had failed?”
He shrugged, his shoulders stiff.
“If you have to ask, it means you don’t know me at all,” she said.
“That’s the problem, Kel. I’m only now finding out I didn’t know you at all.”
Kelly shot him an exasperated look. “How can you say that?”
“Why did you do it, then? Were you using me to make someone else jealous?”
She stared at him a long time, and when he didn’t think he could stand the pain in her eyes any longer, she whispered, “No.”
Relief surged through him. He leaned his elbows on the table, admitting to himself that why she’d gone to his bed didn’t really matter now. It was in the past. His personal history had taught him to let go of things he couldn’t change, but he couldn’t easily dismiss what she had done.
James took a drink of coffee and remembered something she’d said. “You mentioned the rodeo a while ago. I know you’ve never really cared much for that part of my life. Did that have anything to do—”
“No. I didn’t used to like you to compete because of the risks you took. You could have been injured or worse.”
He didn’t plan to tell her an injury is what had made him quit. “I don’t have time for much of anything except the clinic now.”
“James, I know you’re really mad at me, but I’d like
