bisexual label as a “safe” transition stage or experimenting with lesbianism but not in a serious way (“sexual tourists “). (Karen)
Other skeptics argued that claims of bisexuality are the result of confusion, youthful immaturity, lack of self-knowledge, indecisiveness, conformism, mental illness, or attempts to gain the acceptance of both the lesbian and heterosexual communities, to get the best of both worlds, to avoid stigma, or to avoid taking a political stand. Each of these beliefs about women who claim to be bisexual will be examined later in this chapter.
A number of lesbians were more circumspect about expressing their skepticism. They really don’t believe that bisexuality exists, but they are willing to reserve their final judgment. For example, Jerri wrote, “I find it hard to believe that people can be bisexual since it is so removed from my experience.” She left open the possibility that bisexuality really does exist and that her disbelief is a result of her inability to relate to it. Some lesbians’ comments even contained a note of sympathy, as did Barbara’s: “I am not convinced that it is a true entity but instead may represent a label attached to the group of people who are still struggling with their sexual identity and sexual preference.”
Other women harbor clear-cut doubts about whether all bisexuality is illusory, leaving open the possibility that a few women who claim to be bisexual might in fact be true bisexuals or that they themselves might be wrong in assuming that bisexuality does not exist. Some of these women took pains to explain that their opinions about bisexuality are based on limited experience with bisexual women or on their own experience of identifying as bisexual when they were coming out, and apologetically acknowledged that their impressions of bisexuality might be inaccurate. For example, Donna admitted her ignorance,
I don’t think about it much. I don’t think I’m well informed on the subject because I don’t know one person who calls herself bisexual. My uninformed tendency is to believe that bisexuals don’t know yet whether they are gay or straight and one day will decide. (Donna)
Sally apologetically drew conclusions based on her own experience and the experience of her friends,
As I said before, I’d rather not label anyone—however, the bisexual people I know are rather confused—not sure where their “loyalty” lies. This is the way I felt pretty much during the two years I thought I might be bi. (Sally)
and Mona did not entirely rule out the possibility of bisexuality, although she is inclined to disbelieve people who say they are bisexual:
Although I think many bisexual women are really lesbians who haven’t reached the point of being able to say so (just a period of transition), I believe there are people who are truly bisexual. However, I know few bisexuals and am pretty ignorant of the subject. (Mona)
According to Mona, and several other lesbians who share her opinion, bisexuality is indeed a valid, albeit rare, orientation. Although they tend to be skeptical of other women’s claims of bisexuality, they believe that among the many women who appear to be bisexual or who call themselves bisexual there are a few women who really are truly bisexual.
Liberal Opinions and Mixed Feelings
Several lesbian women in this study stated that sexuality is a private matter and that people have the right to do or be what they want (figure 4.1). This liberal opinion leaves the question of bisexual existence open; presumably, these respondents believe that a woman is bisexual if she says she is and that there is no universal definition of bisexuality on which to base an opinion as to whether bisexuality exists. Several of these women said simply, “to each her own,” while others like Sue were only slightly more verbose: “Each of us has a right and a responsibility ‘to thine own self be true.’ Another person’s sexual preference is not my business or concern.”
Surprisingly few women expressed ambivalence or mixed thoughts about bisexuality. One of these women appears to be in a state of acute conflict over the question of bisexual existence,
I believe in it and yet I don’t. Which I guess means that while I know what it is (?) I don’t understand it. But then I do. I wonder how can anyone know what gender they really are attracted to. And yet the men some bi women go with! (Amy)
but others seem to be quite content with their mixed feelings:
My gut reaction is to think it’s a cop-out for people who can’t admit their homosexuality, but my intellectual reaction is much more positive. I have to think a lot to hold these negative feelings in check when dealing with bisexuals. (Sharon)
Bisexuality Exists
The question “What is your opinion of bisexuality?” which sparked all of the comments quoted above, is a very simple, direct question. But even simple questions contain assumptions. The assumption behind this question is that there is, in fact, something called bisexuality that one might have an opinion about. In other words, the question itself presupposes the answer to the question “Does bisexuality exist?” to be “yes.” Respondents who believe that bisexuality does not exist could not answer the question as asked. Before they could answer the question, they had to challenge the assumption that bisexuality exists by stating that it does not exist. In contrast, respondents who believe that bisexuality does exist could passively accept the question’s assumption and write an answer without giving a thought to the question of bisexual existence.
More than a third of the lesbian women who answered this question did exactly that (figure 4.1). They accepted the premise of the question that bisexuality exists and chose to discuss other issues relevant to bisexuality, referring to bisexuality as a real phenomenon. For example, Ruth commented that “this lifestyle could present problems,” and Chris stated “I admire them and welcome them into our community.” It is, therefore, reasonably safe to assume that these women, who comprised a plurality of the lesbians in the study, believe that bisexuality exists.
Given the ease with which lesbians who believe in bisexual existence could overlook the question of bisexual existence, however, it is surprising that nearly one out of five lesbians nevertheless stated explicitly that she believes that bisexuality exists (figure 4.1). Why would so many women have felt it necessary to state that which had already been assumed? Apparently, the question of bisexual existence is a salient one in lesbians’ minds and they did not feel that the assumption could be taken for granted. The women’s answers suggest that they were responding to an unspoken assertion that bisexuality does not exist, as if they had already read the answers of the women who do not believe that bisexuality exists and were responding to these answers instead of to the question that was written in the questionnaire. For example, Anne wrote, “I think many people are genuinely bisexual. I am often sad that the lesbian community can be so closed to bisexuality.”
Many women described bisexuality as a valid, legitimate, or natural sexual orientation, or as one aspect of human sexual diversity. Comments by these women included “It is as valid a choice as any other,” “A legitimate option,” “It’s one kind of sexual preference,” “it is a state of being that some people exist in,” “It’s a valid orientation,” “It is as natural as any other sexual orientation,” and “It is one aspect of the wide spectrum of human sexual identity.” One terse respondent said simply, “It exists.”
Not every woman who believes bisexuality exists feels positively about it. Some women believe it exists, but are either indifferent to bisexuals or dislike them:
