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When you are chronically stressed your nervous system is constantly on high alert. This means that as you go about your daily life, you are likely to be defensive in all that you do. In the days of being chased by a predator, our sympathetic nervous system was triggered in a fight-or-flight response so that we could survive. Assuming that we survived, and once the predator had gone, our sympathetic nervous system would switch off and our parasympathetic nervous system would take over, bringing us back to homeostasis. The problem with the chronic stress that many face today is that our nervous system stays on alert – meaning that we are always on edge in case of any looming predator, bosses or dodgy people. Chronic stress means our rest, digest and repair system is suppressed so we are not functioning as well as we could be. It is only a matter of time before the wheels start to fall off.
The good news is that we do have an amazing, free tool that we can use to switch this response off. It triggers a relaxation response, allowing our body to get on with rest, digest and repair, while effectively reducing stress. It is so simple that people dismiss it before they have even tried it. I didn’t dismiss it though, and it has completely changed my life.
That tool is the breath.
Yes, of course, we are all breathing, but the way we breathe can have a significant effect on how we feel. When I used to teach yoga, I found it quite fascinating to watch the way people breathed. It was such a clear indicator of those that suffered from stress and anxiety. Upper-chest breathing is common in those that are anxious, and I notice it in many people when I work in various organizations. The tell-tale sign is no movement in the abdomen when breathing, along with tension in the shoulders.
In our natural, most efficient way of breathing, the diaphragm moves freely in the breathing process. As it contracts and moves downwards during inhalation, the stomach naturally moves outwards. When we breathe out, the diaphragm moves upwards and the stomach moves back towards the spine. For various reasons, stress being one of them, the diaphragm ceases to move effectively, and we begin to recruit the shoulder muscles in an attempt to lift and expand the ribcage. While we would recruit these secondary muscles if we were running from a predator; we shouldn’t be when sitting at rest.
Practising diaphragmatic breathing (aka belly breathing) can deactivate the fight-or-flight response, triggering the rest and digest part of the nervous system. Importantly, for your sanity and ability to function in the world, this also enables a return of rational thinking and signals to our entire system that we are safe.
Try it now.
Loosely rest your hands on your abdomen around your belly button. Take a deep breath in and notice if your stomach is moving outwards into your hands. As you breathe out, notice if it moves away from your hands, towards your spine. If it is, then you are naturally doing diaphragmatic breathing. If it isn’t, you are likely in upper-chest breathing. Your stomach might be doing the opposite; going towards your spine when you breathe in and out towards your hands when you breathe out. This is known as reverse breathing and is another restrictive breath pattern.
To practise diaphragmatic breathing, if you are not already doing so: try gently pressing your stomach outwards towards your hands as you breathe in and then let it relax away from your hands as you breathe out. It will take effort to do this so be patient with yourself. I highly recommend focusing on this breath pattern for a few minutes any time you feel stressed and want to relax. I also suggest doing it for ten minutes before you go to bed at night, and again if you wake up during the night. It is also a great practice to do first thing in the morning to set the tone for a grounded, peaceful day ahead. Trust me – while your hectic day doesn’t feel like you have time to do this, it will be life-changing if you do. It’s ten minutes. It’s doable. Surely worth a try?
Super-stress buster
Another simple but effective breath practice to relieve stress is to take a deep breath in through the nose and then exhale through the mouth. I call this practice the sigh-of-relief!
Try it now.
Inhale through the nose for a count of four; exhale through the mouth for a count of six. As you exhale, in the words of Elsa in Frozen, think to yourself ‘let it go’ – or as my mum thought she sang, ‘let it snow’! Whichever works for you.
If this length of breath doesn’t work for you, use a count that suits your natural breath length without bringing strain to it. The exhale should be slightly longer than the inhale.
You might have already noticed that when other people are stressed they do a lot of sighing. Without even realizing it, they are using this tool to help manage their feelings! Next time you get overwhelmed by anything, try taking three or four of these breaths; or more if you need to. It’s also a very useful tool to use in times of extreme distress, when in pain or when a panic attack is coming on.
Please don’t underestimate the potential that breath practices have for changing your life.
They are fantastic for managing the pressures of everyday living. I use the breath on countless occasions: in moments when I need to be fully present; when I am triggered in fear or am overwhelmed; when I am in pain; or when I start to get impatient. I have found that using the breath to put space between how I feel and I how respond to life has been life-changing. It has helped me to interrupt my habitual fight-or-flight reactions. In particular, I used
these breath techniques to help me get through the devastation I felt when my husband and I split up. Having never suffered from panic attacks before, I started to get them when something reminded me of him. It was thanks to these breath practices that I managed to stop the panic attacks before they got hold. It affirmed to me just how effective they are.
# The hack
Practise daily belly breathing – ideally for at least ten minutes. But if you’re anything like me, then start with taking just five to ten breaths, or whatever you know you will stick with on a daily basis. You don’t have to want to do it or enjoy it; you just need to do it. It’s so effective in managing stress – if you really want to get a handle of your stress, then I honestly recommend doing it.
Use three or four of the sigh-of-relief breaths any time you feel stressed or overwhelmed, as part of your daily survival kit.
Life is full of choices. Ironically, as much as that brings vast freedom, it can also create stress from not knowing what to choose. There can be the fear of making a wrong choice, a feeling of overwhelm from having so much choice, or you can forget that you have a choice at all. The fear of missing out (FOMO) can rob us of ever feeling satisfied or at peace with the choices we make. It can be quite a revelation to replace FOMO with JOMO, the joy of missing out (an acronym first coined in 2004 by Anil Dash, a blogger and CEO of software company Glitch).2 You really don’t have to choose everything in life – obvious, I know. But we forget that we are the ones with the choice. Knowing this will allow you to filter your choices, enabling you to live more authentically, to do meaningful work, and to feel fulfilled and alive. It is truly liberating to filter out what you don’t want and zone in on what you do. Learning to tune into your preferences over and above anyone else’s is a freedom that we sometimes forget we have. Just because things are possible or available doesn’t mean we should have them, do them or be them. It just means that we could if we choose to.
Learning to recognize what is leading our choices helps us kick stress into touch and to unlock the life we want to lead. The more self-aware we become, the more we feel
