throw a cloud over his joys, and sometimes obscure the brightness of hope itself. At such times, he may doubt that he is a Christian, and if he records or utters his feelings, they have a tone of sadness and despondency, which is in melancholy contrast with the state of his mind at other times, when the candle of the Lord shines upon his head. Some Christians, too, possess a sanguine temperament, which impels them continually to extremes. A journal of their daily experience would depict them, on one day, as rejoicing and steadfast believers, and on the next, perhaps, ás harassed with doubts, not only of their personal piety, but of the truth of Christianity itself ; it would show them, at one time, as fervent in spirit, serving the Lord, and at another, as criminally conformed to this world. It may, perhaps, be sometimes useful to the Christian to peruse such statements of the feelings of others; because they inform him, that his own joys and sorrows correspond with those of other Christians, and that occasional doubts and fears are not incompatible with genuine piety and prevailing hope. God himself has seen fit to give us in his word, the spiritual exercises of several eminent saints, and especially of David, who seems to have been placed in almost every variety of human condition, and to have been visited with trials of every kind to which our nature is subject, that he might be an example to all future saints, and that his feelings and experience, as displayed in his Psalms, might comfort and instruct the Church in every age.
But the complaints and self-reproaches of uninspired saints, may possibly be injurious to some professors of religion, by lowering the standard of piety, and appeasing their consciences for their own deficiencies. And the enemies of religion are liable to regard them as inexplicable inconsistencies, and as proofs that religion is the parent of melancholy, and is devoid of permanent and tranquil happiness.
The following letter from Mrs. J. written at an early period of her religious life, shows how correctly she thought, in relation to the exercises of a renewed heart. She here explains the cause of much of her own darkness of mind, and self distrust. Growth in grace requires an increasing acquaintance with the nature of sin, and of our unworthiness ; and this knowledge will be likely to darken and distress the mind, unless faith be strong, and the efficacy of the atonement be very clearly discerned.
To Bliss L. K.
“Newbury, Sept. 20, 1807.
“You requested me, dear L, to write soon after my return. With pleasure I comply, as it fixes you in my imagination, and gives me sensations almost as pleasing as a verbal intercourse. O may that Spirit which unites the hearts of the children of God in love, direct my thoughts, and guide my pen to write that which may be useful in our journey to another world. You ask, “What are the evidences of growth in grace ?” From reading the lives of pious people, and the word of God, I have come to the following conclusion, though different from my ideas formerly.
“A person who grows in grace, will see more and more of the dreadful wickedness of his heart. He will find it more opposed to every thing good, more deceitful and fickle. When Isaiah saw more of God and his glory, his first expressions were not, I am more like God because I have seen more of him ; but his language was this, Wo is me, for I am undone, because I am a man of unclean lips. The more grace Christians have, the clearer they can see the contrast between holiness and sin ; and while it leads them to hunger, thirst, and strive for the one, it leads them to loathe, abhor, and mourn for the other. Growth in grace will consequently lead them to know more about Jesus Christ, and the great need they have of him for a whole Saviour. He will appear to them daily more needful as a prophet, priest and king, his character more lovely, and his spirit more desirable. They also feel more for the worth of souls. As they are convinced daily of the dreadful nature of sin, so they will feel more anxious to save sinners from the consequences of it. This will necessarily lead them to pray more often, earnestly and fervently, give them a disrelish for the vanities of the world, and a sincere and hearty desire to devote all they have to him, and serve him entirely. But one great evidence is not yet mentioned, perhaps the greatest. They will be constantly watching, and endeavouring to find whether they grow in grace. They will watch their improvement from time to time, in every portion of holy writ which they read, every sermon they hear, and the providences which occur, either afflictive or the contrary.
“These, dear L, are my ideas respecting the subject. There are many other evidences, but these are sufficient, if true, to convince us whether we make any improvement in a divine life. If we have made none under the rich cultivation we have enjoyed, then we may be sure we are unacquainted with that path which is as a shining light, which shineth more and more unto the perfect day.”
Mrs. Judson, early in her religious life, showed her desire to be useful to her fellow men. Her active mind was not satisfied without some effort to benefit those around her. She accordingly engaged, soon after this period, in the occupation of instructing a school, impelled mainly by the desire to be useful. There are few situations, which furnish better opportunities of imparting permanent benefit, than that of the instructor of a school. In New England, this office is regarded with a good degree of the honourable estimation to which it is entitled ; and it is to be wished, that a larger number of educated young ladies would employ themselves in a service so beneficial to their own minds, and so vitally important to the rising generation.
The following extract from Mrs. Judson’s journal, dated May 12, 1807, shows the conscientious principles which actuated her; and proves that her mind was thus early swayed by the resolution to live not unto herself, hut to him who died for her, and rose again. Her zeal for the spiritual welfare of others, and her decision of character, are here seen in a very striking light :
“Have taken charge of a few scholars. Ever since I have had a comfortable hope in Christ, I have desired to devote myself to him, in such a way as to be useful to my fellow creatures. As Providence has placed me in a situation of life, where I have an opportunity of getting as good an education as I desire, I feel it would be highly criminal in me not to improve it. I feel also, that it would be equally criminal to desire to be well educated and accomplished, from selfish motives, with a view merely to gratify my taste and relish for improvement, or my pride in being qualified to shine. I therefore resolved last winter, to attend the academy, from no other motive, than to improve the talents bestowed by God, so as to be more extensively devoted to his glory, and the benefit of my fellow creatures. On being lately requested to take a small school, for a few months, I felt very unqualified to have the charge of little immortal souls; but the hope of doing them good, by endeavouring to impress their young and tender minds with divine truth, and the obligation I feel, to try to he useful, have induced me to comply. I was enabled to open the school with prayer. Though the cross was very great, I felt constrained by a sense of duty, to take it up. The little creatures seemed astonished at such a beginning. Probably some of them had never heard a prayer before. O may I have grace to be faithful, in instructing these little immortals, in such a way as shall be pleasing to my heavenly Father.”
She was engaged, at intervals, for several years, in teaching schools, in different towns. She was always diligent and faithful in her endeavours to enlighten the minds and to form the manners of her pupils; but she regarded the fear of the Lord as the beginning of wisdom ; and she strove to guide her dear pupils to the Saviour. She felt herself to be intrusted, in some measure, with the charge of their souls ; and she watched for them as one that must give account. It is believed, that her prayers and efforts were not in vain ; and that some of her pupils in this country will mingle their praises, before the throne of the Redeemer, with those of ransomed Burmans, adoring him for her instrumentality in leading them to repentance and faith in his name.
From her journal, we select a few additional extracts, which will show the state of her feelings, and the progress of her piety.
“June 12. For a week or two past, have had very little enjoyment in religion, and almost every duty has appeared burdensome. But praised be God, I have enjoyed much, yesterday and to-day. I find, that reading the exercises of Miss Anthony has a great tendency to humble me, and quicken ray spiritual life. I long to possess her spirit, and be as much engaged in the service of God, as that
