of ancient Greece. These mighty soldiers crushed every foe. They even fought huge legions of the feared Spartans—and won.
The secret of their bravery and military prowess? Their loving, gay relationships. The entire Sacred Band was three hundred carefully chosen male lovers. These guys had unparalleled courage and determination to fight to the death for one another. Of course, they also trained like crazy—mainly dancing and wrestling.
For decades, everyone considered them invincible. That rep only ended when Alexander the Great, of Macedonia, and his dad, King Philip II, defeated all the Greek armies. When King Philip saw the entire Sacred Band lying dead after the battle, he burst into tears. These men, he declared, were the most honorable, bold, and courageous soldiers he had ever fought.
SACRED BAND OF GREECE
Girls just wanna have fun!
Pity the parents of the average teenage girl. Desperate to protect her virginity, they set curfews, declare dress codes, screen boyfriends, chaperone parties.
Samoan women traditional dance
Yet in the innocent days before AIDS, many traditional societies—Bhuiya, Guana, Guaycuru, Kumbi, Akamba, Igorot, Samoan and others—figured teenagers need sex. Take Samoa. Sure, a Samoan girl should learn to cook and weave so she can help support her family. But keep your priorities straight. Tell her to be more responsible and she would protest, “I am but young.” The adults understood. When they hit late teens, girls should devote themselves to age-appropriate activities, like having lots of sexual affairs.
SAMOA
Men are from Venus, Women are from Mars...
“Stick to traditional roles,” say the Tchambuli of Papua New Guinea. Men should do what they do best: dance, paint, play the flute. In their villages along Chambri Lake, rich in rare birds and infested with crocodiles, Tchambuli women know what they want—and go after it. They are the sexual aggressor and they decide whom they’ll mate.
To entice the women, Tchambuli men compete constantly, trying out new hairdos and decorating themselves with flowers and ornaments. At Tchambuli festivals, young men dress up as women so they can join in the raunchy homosexual dancing and sex play women enjoy at every festival.
The Tchambuli women are busy with “women’s work.” They shave their heads and hunt.
TCHAMBULI OF PAPUA NEW GUINEA
DANGEROUS WEAPONS OUTLAWED
You’ve got to love this.
Some US states consider dildos dangerous weapons. For example, it’s illegal to own a dildo in Sandy Springs, Georgia. Guns are just fine, though. In GA, you can carry guns in your car and bring them into bars. You can bring them to school classrooms, as long as you’re dropping off or picking up a student. And you can carry your trusty sidearm into church with the minister’s blessing, and into airport TSA safety checkpoints if you have a gun permit. Indeed, in Kennesaw, GA, every homeowner must own a firearm and ammunition (unless they’re too poor or too insane).
In Alabama, it’s illegal to sell anything you might use to have an orgasm, or as they so quaintly put it: any device “designed or marketed as useful primarily for the stimulation of human genital organs.”
In Texas, that bastion of liberty, it was illegal to own more than six dildos until 2008. Then they came to their senses.
No such luck for the upright citizens of Arizona. More than two dildos in the same house can land you in jail.
Sex scrooges need not apply…
The Aché of eastern Paraguay believe the most important human trait is to be a “good giver.” They share everything with one another—food, houses, chores, childcare, spouses. Skilled and savvy hunters and foragers, the Aché have roamed thousands of acres of forest over the centuries, from the spectacular Guairá waterfalls, south along the Cordillera de San Rafael mountains and the Paraná River. Wherever they go, they make sure that everyone gets a share of the meal. Afterwards, the women make sure that all the men they like get a piece of the pie.
That doesn’t mean Aché women don’t believe in marriage—they do! Lots of marriages! Women choose their own husbands, and most Aché women have had at least a dozen marriages, with short romances sprinkled along the way.
Think that makes it tough to figure out baby’s dad? No problem! The Aché believe every baby is a mix of all the lovers mom chose just before and during her pregnancy. Babies are, after all, developed by the application of lots of semen while mom is pregnant. The result: all kids have several fathers—the man she had sex with just before pregnancy, the man she thinks is responsible for getting her pregnant, any men who donated food while she was pregnant, and her husband.
So no one worries if mom disappears for a week. She’ll be home soon…with another dad!
Aché OF PARAGUAY
“Position open. Experience preferred...”
Amidst the glorious peaks of Tibet, the highest region in the world, men have had strong feelings about marrying virgins.
Don’t!
Would you want a doctor or carpenter with no hands-on experience? Nah. Same with sex. When it comes to marriage, who wants a novice? Face it, virgins are worthless in bed. They often don’t have orgasms and sometimes suffer pain. No one needs that kind of hassle for something that should be so easy and enjoyable.
Besides, an attractive woman with a pleasant personality would surely have had a few lovers by the time she’s ready to marry. Virginity is a glaring warning sign, “Beware! There’s something wrong with her.” If you absolutely must make love to a virgin, at least don’t marry her. Be smart and wait until she’s had a little practice.
TIBET AUTONOMOUS REGION OF CHINA
You may kiss the brides…
The Oneida Perfectionists, a Christian sect founded in 1848, figured marriage is just an excuse for jealousy and possessiveness—two singularly unattractive personality traits. The solution? Simply declare everyone in the community “married” to everyone else. Women picked a desirable partner for the night (or the moment). Same with men.
No ageism in this crowd. Every older woman—ideally after menopause—took on the tough job of introducing teenage guys to sex. She was always such a skilled teacher that her student got a taste of heaven, and she became his religious role model.
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