slouches, elderly men were always willing to step up and do their duty teaching late-teen gals.
The founder of the Oneida community, John Noyes, also introduced stirpiculture, selective breeding. Sure, all adults could have sex with all other adults. But only some of that bumping and grinding should produce offspring. If you wanted kids, you had to apply for the privilege. If you had spiritual superiority, Noyes and his committee matched you with the right breeding partner. Magically, Noyes himself passed the test so often he fathered 20 percent of the kids born in the community.
Alas, this utopia didn’t last. Noyes absconded to Canada to avoid arrest in New York. The other members peeled away over time. But the Oneida community didn’t die; it just faded into a corporation, Oneida Silverware, still one of the world’s largest silverware manufacturers.
Oneida Community of New York, USA
DATE NIGHT… NOT!
It wasn’t so long ago that dating was forbidden virtually everywhere. Ah, how times have changed…or not.
Forget Sadie Hawkins Day if you live in Dyersburg, Tennessee. It’s illegal for a woman to call a man for a date.
The legislators of Little Rock, Arkansas, are dedicated to protecting people from flirts. It’s illegal for men or women to stare, wink, cough or whistle at anyone of the opposite sex or to flirt in any way on the street.
In Michigan, the legislature figures a divorced woman should understand men’s tricky ways. But they have to protect unmarried women, who are much more gullible. The solution: any guy who seduces or corrupts an unmarried woman can spend the next five years contemplating his folly in prison.
Iran makes dating a bit tougher. It’s illegal for men and women to date, or even to shake hands. Not to despair. There are freedom-fighters in Iran who argue it should be okay to shake hands with gloves on.
Junk Match.com!
Hot for a guy who’s oblivious to your charms? The Nenet women of Siberia can help! In the frozen tundra, Nenet women have adapted skillfully to the harsh environment. They make clothes that protect from -40oF winters, slit open reindeer so everyone can gobble raw liver, kidney, lungs, and heart, and can pack up the whole household tent in a flash, even in a blizzard.
Nenet woman standing before her tent
Every Nenet woman is also savvy about snaring a reluctant lover. She easily imposes complete and total control over him. She can even use magical commands to rule his every thought and action.
How does she seize this bewitching power? Easy! She simply steps over any possession he has left on the ground—and he’s her pawn for life.
That’ll teach him to pick up his socks.
NENETs OF SIBERIA, Russia
Obey your elders!
Better yet, take them to bed, say the Apanyekrá-Canela of Brazil. The Canela villages of the savanna, with tropical forests and streams, are rich in fish and game. The sex lives of young Canela men are just as rich. All young men in their mid-to-late teens get initiated into sex by “experienced” young women. After that first delight, every young man spends several years in training, having sex only with women at least thirty years older than he is.
The Canela say sex between young people—even married couples—is unhealthy. Horny young guys should get it on with women in their late forties or fifties. Sex with older women will make him strong and courageous, while sex with a younger woman—even his wife—will make him weak and nervous.
Any man who strays and has sex with a young woman is shamed and hazed before the whole village. He has to walk down a line of dancing women, all laughing and teasing him.
And for you horny young gals? Patience, honey. Best wait until you’re older. On the other hand, if you do break the rules, everyone will pretty much ignore it.
While a guy gets educated by the Golden Girls, his parents choose a fiancée for him. As soon as she’s old enough to have sex with him, the two decide whether to get married or split up. If she likes him, her family buys him from his family with a large meat pie. The meat pie seals the deal. Afterwards, if he wants out, his family must pay her family a heavy fine. But if she wants out, it’s just sayonara, baby.
Made a mistake and now stuck in a sorry marriage? Either spouse can easily initiate divorce—as long as they have no kids.
Once a woman is pregnant, the whole deal changes. Women continue to be free to end the marriage any time, and if she throws him out, he must leave immediately. For husbands, though, it’s tough luck. If he initiates divorce, his family and friends totally harass him, and he must pay a hefty fine.
This is fair because “real” men are reasonable, non-competitive, and totally cooperative. Only animals and women get into outright conflict. When a woman is irritable, irrational, demanding, or fickle, her husband’s job is to quietly appease her. If she plays around, it’s certainly not grounds for divorce or even raised voices. But if he comes home and she’s in their bed with another man, the guy should at least give him a gift.
CANELA OF BRAZIL
But Who’s Counting
Countries compete in sports, weapons, beauty, and now, sex. An international survey regularly measures countries’ sex ratings.
Sex how often?
The world’s average rate of having sex is 103 times a year, about twice a week.
Country having the most sex per year?
Greece is at the top at 164 times a year.
Brazil strides in second with 145 times.
Poland and Russia are tied for third at 143 times a year.
Least often?
Japan, at forty-eight times per year.
Of course, maybe the Japanese just answered more honestly than other countries.
How good?
The average satisfaction with their sexual experience, worldwide — 43%. Alas, not quite half of us enjoy getting it on.
The countries most satisfied with their sex lives?
#1 is Nigeria! Where 67% say they are very satisfied.
Mexico is second with 63% very satisfied.
India comes in third with 61% very satisfied.
The USA, by the way, at 48%, is only slightly higher than the average. That’s behind Mexico 63%,
