We’re angry and frustrated and we want change. We react in our pain states. We make rash decisions, not considering the whole. We actually feed our negativity into honorable causes. People end up knowing what you are against, but not what you are for. This will continue as long as the message is driven by fear, anger, rage, and resentment. If what you are reading is making you squirm, good! Squirming is what the caterpillar does before it transforms into a butterfly. Now is the time to get uncomfortable. There has been an invisible barrier keeping women at a certain level. We are getting ready to shatter it. The question is: Are you ready?
This stage can be painful for women who have experienced trauma. It can also be painful for men who treated women as less-than without thinking anything of it. The role of villain may seem obvious, but some of these men are unconscious of what they are actually doing. When they are forced to open their eyes, the shame and guilt spiral can take them down. Whether a person is the perpetrator or the victim, some will use drugs, eat, drink, shop, gamble, and/or become relationship junkies, to name a few escape mechanisms. They will do these things so that they don’t have to feel through the pain. During these painful times, we will question our spirituality and core beliefs. We can’t pretend the questioning isn’t there.
Some of women’s biggest champions are men who have made horrible mistakes in devaluing women. Let’s give people a chance to change before we attack. Some of the most vicious personal attacks on women come from other women who are caught in some sort of cycle of denial of their own truth. As we get stronger, we become clearer. Come on, part of being empowered women is trusting our instincts. Don’t let rage cloud one of our greatest gifts.
I know it’s uncomfortable, but it’s important for our growth as conscious humans. We can’t stay in the dark about where people are and where we are. This is a step in the transformation to becoming empowered women. Get in the dirt and FEEL through it. If we ever want to get healthy, we must process the deeply buried feelings first. When it comes to personal, communal, and environmental growth, we must get uncomfortable. When we get uncomfortable, we move and we shift. That is how we shatter the status quo.
Struggle to look in the mirror…
Dear Me,
I hate you. Why are you so stupid? Why did you let him do this to you again? Why can’t you stand up for yourself? Why are you such a doormat? You keep giving and giving and now you are empty. What else do you have? No one wants you. You can’t do anything right.
You mess up everything! Look at you! Standing in the mirror, I see your cellulite, and your stomach jiggles more than Jell-O. How do you expect someone to even want to see you naked? People have no idea the person you really are. Okay, put on that fake smile again. Maybe they won’t notice how you have to drink and eat yourself to sleep every night because you’re so miserable.
You are always talking about your problems. You need to distract others from how pathetic your life is. You are constantly on defense. You hate your life. Life hates you. I hate feeling this way about you. I want to understand how you got here. Why do you keep attracting men who treat you horribly and women who backstab you? When did you stop being happy? Were you ever happy? How do I stop hating you?
A Broken Me
Tired of feeling triggered…
Dear God,
I really don’t like people anymore. I could once look at everyone with a neutral face. Back then, I didn’t have a problem with what politician people sided with. I could even see their prejudices with compassion, because those came from the way they were raised. Lately, however, my compassion is wavering. I never thought that would happen. How did I get here?
I have worked so hard not to be against another person or group. I’m not perfect, but it has been a very long time since one person’s character could trigger an internal rage so deep that it makes me want to step out and do something. I can’t stand the person I’m becoming. I feel angry all the time, and the smallest altercation makes me want to scream my head off.
The problem is that I know without a shadow of doubt that what I fight against, I make stronger. I’ve heard this message over and over, starting with the famous quote by Mother Teresa: “I was once asked why I don’t participate in anti-war demonstrations. I said that I will never do that, but as soon as you have a pro-peace rally, I’ll be there.” I don’t know why some quotes stay with you for a lifetime, but that one has.
I never wanted to be against men, because I believe in the value of women. That is why what is happening now is really bothering me. I don’t want to be against the voters who see value in another human being. I know that even in the chaos there is value. Yet, I still find myself here. I feel more and more prejudices seeping in. I don’t want to live with so much anger inside me.
I don’t want to go in to work feeling like I’m viewed as less than for being a woman. I don’t want to judge men who have been recognized for their achievements. I don’t want to feel like I must be polite when I’ve been violated. I don’t want to feel the double standard of roles in relationships. I don’t want to be filled with this angry energy all the time. God, Divine, Universe, Angels, Buddha, Jesus, Allah, Source, and/or Great Spirit, whatever name I need to call you to make this pain go away, please save me! Please show me the way to make the changes I want to see instead of focusing all my energy on what I don’t want in my life. Please, heal the hate in my heart and show me a better way to live. Help me become a better me.
A Hopeful Me
What Do I Do Now?
What if there was a way for someone to guide you through the steps of becoming the best version of yourself? Okay, maybe it won’t be easy, but I’m here, right here in the trenches with you. Let’s really let the crud surface. It’s there anyway, buried deep inside, destroying your foundation. We can’t build a solid house if you aren’t willing to fix your foundation. If you keep trying to build with a foundation full of rage, anger, fear, and hate, you will keep triggering explosions and destroying your progress. Let’s work together to bring it up gently, and clean up your foundation so you can build something beautiful that will last. Here’s where we begin:
Deep breaths. Fully breathe in to the count of five and exhale to the count of five. Do this three times. Take a second; sit with the emotions that are stirring inside you. Remember to fully exhale when you feel something triggering you. Don’t hold your breath. This breathing practice gives us the space we need to open our minds to awareness of our own feelings, thoughts, and perspectives.
Drink a lot of water. You are cleansing a lot of toxic energy running through your body. If you drink a lot of water, it will help you stay physically and emotionally hydrated. This process can take a lot out of you. Think of it as cleaning your pathways. Visualize the water opening your heart as it runs through you.
Letter writing. Use the technique in this book to help you be honest and get out all your anger, fear, rage, frustration, gratitude, acceptance, and understanding of yourself and others.
•If you are judging other women, write about it!
•If you are bashing yourself, put it all on paper!
•If you are hating on men, scream it out!
•If you have underlying prejudices against others, preach it.
Get it out so you can see the darkness you’re carrying around. You don’t have to share these with anyone, but make sure you hold onto them for the duration of the book. The darkness lurking within is what you are projecting onto the world. The first step in healing it is seeing it. Take responsibility for what you are putting out
