how the letters transform throughout the book and become more powerful and feed the empowered woman you are. I found this to be one of my biggest transformation tools. Letter writing changed my life and my relationships. Writing things in this form is like writing up a contract and signing it. I am committed to become a better me.
Journal. Write about anything that stirs you up while you’re reading this book. It can be something in your daily life or in the book itself. Knowing what your triggers are is the first step toward taking back your power and becoming the empowered woman. If you don’t know your triggers, you aren’t in control of your feelings, thoughts, perspectives, actions, and reactions. Just keep writing. If a topic that makes you squirm isn’t in here, write about it yourself. Get it out, get ugly, and get dirty. Most of all—get real. Be conscious of what you are putting out there. Part I is not for you to read and go out and spew your pain to the world. Part I is about taking off your blinders, reflecting, and getting real with your pain. When you think about the feelings and thoughts you are projecting, ask yourself:
•Is that really what you want?
•Are you in a place of love or fear right now?
•What feelings are coming up as you sit quietly?
Book buddy. Book buddies help you stay committed to the process. Read the book together and do the exercises. If you choose the book-buddy route, be careful whom you choose. You want someone whose goals for personal and spiritual growth are similar to yours. You will fuel each other. Are you fueling the light inside your heart, or is one of you wanting to burn things down and create more darkness? One route will create more love in the world, and the other will create more hate. You have to feel comfortable to be completely vulnerable with the person or people you partner with. You want someone who is on the journey to bring out her empowered woman too.
For the remainder of the book, you will be given the option to go deeper with a variety of exercises. These exercises are designed to help you to go as deep as you are willing to go. The deeper you go, the greater your transformation. This is your journey! Think of it as creating a garden. You will need to get the soil ready, pick and choose the seeds you want to plant, pull weeds, and nurture your garden to reach its greatest potential. You will get back what you put into it. You get to decide how amazing you want your garden to be. First you have to prepare the foundation and clean up the toxic muck lying beneath the surface. Are you ready?
For women ready to see our unconsciousness…
Dear Self,
I don’t remember driving to the store today. When I was in the store, I couldn’t tell you how I ended up with the food I did. I don’t remember picking broccoli over asparagus. He doesn’t like broccoli. How did I do that? What is wrong with me? He is going to be so mad that I don’t have a vegetable he likes. He’s going to think I don’t care. Do I need to go back to the store? I don’t want to have another night like the last time I forgot to get mashed potatoes to have with our steaks. What if I just went to the liquor store and got him a bottle? Maybe he will notice my kind gesture, and the broccoli won’t be a big deal.
Holy shit! When did I eat lunch? I’m not hungry, so I must have. What did I even have? What was I doing? Oh, that’s when the kids’ school called and told me about what’s going on with the other kids at school. I’m so worried about my boy. He can’t handle all the cruelty in school. How are these kids’ parents okay with their children being such bullies? I wonder if they’re bullies too. They probably are, or they just flat-out neglect their kids, so the kids are looking for attention. My son is so sweet and kind. Why does he have to go through this? Do I need to toughen him up? I used to be bullied. I never could understand why I was a target. I don’t want him to go through what I did.
Oh no! It’s already dinnertime. What am I going to do? Where did my day go?
A Frazzled Me
Being Unconscious
Many of us react to situations and people in our lives unconsciously. We have no idea when are being triggered by the past or when we are projecting fears of the unknown future. A broken record starts playing in our heads, and we go off about always, never, and our attachments to the unknown future. We have no idea that we are reacting to a past hurt or future fear. We aren’t where our feet are. Our thoughts have taken us away to another place. Where our feet are becomes unconscious and the gifts of the present moment are lost. The potential for healing turns into expressed hurt, rage, anger, fear, and pain. The cycle of unconscious living continues. What is happening right now in the moment is what matters, but when we are unconscious—we miss it!
Autopilot is a great example of being unconscious. We don’t want to deal with what is happening right now, so our minds go to past and future, and we miss what is happening. This is where our lives can slip out of control. We get lost. I can remember getting myself into a long-lasting emotionally abusive relationship. Next thing I knew, years had passed. When I was finally ready to look at the situation, I realized I had lost my identity completely. Looking back years later, my mom and sister told me, “You disappeared.” My best friend from childhood said, “You were a robot.” I was living unconsciously to avoid having to change, which in my mind meant I had failed. Discovering I had been living unconsciously was the beginning of my transformation.
Ready to look at how beliefs and perspectives affect us…
Dear Friend,
I hate men! All men suck! All they want to do is use women for sex. We can be thrown away like trash. I’m so disgusted by all these men thinking they have the right do to whatever they want. They don’t think there are any consequences. Especially all white men. White men think they are God’s gift to humanity. It’s even worse if they are rich white men. All rich people suck in general. They only get rich because money is all they care about. Then they think they can buy anybody. That’s why all these powerful men think they can get away with everything. To rich people, money is power. Money sucks! I hate money! I never have enough money. I’m always going to be broke. I’m going to end up with some poor guy who beats me because I obviously don’t deserve better. I’m never going to end up with a guy who cares about me. Men suck!
A Defeated Me
Beliefs and Perspectives
We are born and raised with a series of beliefs. Some were passed down from generation to generation. Others came from going with or against family, religious, societal and/or community beliefs. Some beliefs develop through our own personal experiences in school and life. Much of how we got to the reality we created is because of our beliefs, for better and for worse.
When we are lost in our fights against others, we haven’t yet discovered that our beliefs are perceptions. As humans, we don’t get to know absolutes like always, never, all, none, everyone, or no one. We are like snowflakes. Even within the same group, we are individuals. Beliefs vary from person to person within the same family, gender, religious group, workplace, support group, and culture. We can’t all be right and someone else be all wrong. We each have our own unique view. Getting stuck in I’m right and you’re wrong is how we block communication and close doors. We each have our own perspective of truth.
Pay attention to the perspectives that are creating fear and stress in your
