I said earlier, having long-term goals and a vision for my life were not considered cool when I was a teenager. It was only cool to mumble about life with friends. Having pride in my hood and the streets was a way of placing a romanticized veil over the misery, poverty, and neglect of my community. Making money illegally was a buck against the system, which built up our street cred. Being a Black male from a low-income community in South Florida kept me from seeing my future past high school. For many of us, our options for making money, being celebrated, and being successful are limited to three worn-out choices: becoming an athlete, an entertainer, or a hustler. My childhood dream was to become a wide receiver for the Dallas Cowboys. That dream came to an end when I seriously injured my knee in an epic touchdown play during my last year of Optimist (youth athletic league) football. My dreams of breaking into the big leagues (high school football at the time) were crushed. I then had dreams of becoming a rapper. But…that was in my sleep. I thought I had a speech problem as a child and knew I couldn’t be big time. Therefore, I turned to the only other option I thought I had.
I didn’t go into much detail about it earlier, but since you’re this deep into it with me, I might as well – I smoked blunts and sold ganja. My teenage mind was focused on having money, being “The Man” among my friends, and impressing girls. I was pretty good at it, too. Between 14 and 16 years old, I was making more money than most kids my age. I was The Man. I was having fun. I had money, women, and plenty of ganja. Life was good, from what I could see. Then, as you may remember, I got caught up…
Yep, that was two days after my 16th birthday when I found myself in a courtroom hearing the felony charges against me. I was sentenced to living the rest of my childhood on probation with a 9:00 p.m. curfew. No more family gatherings, hanging out with friends, or going out at night to a movie.
My curfew also meant I could not go out without “prior approval.” I was stuck at home a lot, and I became bored. A person can only play so many video games or watch TV (we had the extremely slow dial-up version of the internet, so that was not an option). My mother saw me and handed me the book that changed my life!
It was crazy…years later when conducting my national award-winning research, I asked Black men at the top of their career, “What was the most powerful book you’ve ever read?” The book that ranked right above the Bible was the same book my mother handed me: The Autobiography of Malcolm X. EVERY teenager should read that book, especially 16-year-old Black boys. It tells the story of a young man who hustled on the streets of Harlem, got locked up, and transformed into the most powerful Black leader of the 20th century. One of the most pivotal things he did to change himself was read. So, just like Malcolm X did when he was locked up, I started reading…and my life transformed…
I began to hang out in the library. I gobbled up books for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I had books for snacks, too. It was crazy how much I was reading. I was not a book person. I thought I hated reading. I barely touched the books assigned in school and would fall asleep when I had to read. However, I found subjects that caught my attention, like the self-help genre. I was hooked! I could not stop feeding my desire to learn how to transform myself. I would put a book down after finishing it and feel my skin tingling. I was outgrowing a dislike for books. My mind would buzz with a wider range of thoughts and I felt myself changing.
I probably read almost every self-help book in the Broward County Public Library. The people at checkout desks called out to me when I came in like they were cashiers at the liquor store and I was the neighborhood wino. I was hooked, and my addiction taught me a powerful lesson: If you can clearly identify what you want, have a strong motivating desire for why you want it, and decide to go after it no matter what, then put in the time to figure it out and make it happen.
Figure Out WHAT You Want in Life
Figuring out what you want is a simple process. Oftentimes, many people have trouble with this because they have never taken the time to ask themselves these two questions:
1.What do I want out of life?
2.What will make me happy?
Continuously ask yourself these questions until you narrow down what resonates with you. Only you can identify what the right answer is. It will feel right. You may experience goose bumps, a tingling or indescribable energy, or just a feeling of “rightness.” I promise you, there is nothing quite like it. When you find the answer, it will put a smile on your face, determination in your gut, and a desire in your heart. Suddenly, you will see the so-called friends you’re killing yourself to be around as a waste of your time and energy.
Once you find that answer, try to put it in one sentence without any commas. It will take time to do so, time well-spent. At sixteen, my WHAT was the following:
To put a smile on my mother’s face and become a role model for my lil brother.
Initially, I did not know how I was going to do this. It was motivating, but I had no concrete goal or benchmark to reach for. I needed something to measure how well I was moving toward my goal on a day-to-day basis. Once I was exposed to college, I realized how I was going to do it: by being a fully funded, well-connected, college graduate. So, my WHAT statement became:
I want to go to college, so I can put a smile on my mother’s face and become a role model for my lil brother.
The more specific you are, the better. When I say specific, I mean a realistic goal that you can achieve. It will be even better if it is a career goal. However, this WHAT statement may change over time. Once I got to college, it was:
I will find the money to pay for school within two years or end up back home and in jail like my older brother.
Once I found the money to pay for school, I became a little cocky with my goals:
I will become a professor and prove that I know what I am talking about.
Write your statement. Let me repeat that: WRITE it down.
Most people will read those statements and still not write theirs down. They can’t make the mental leap required to take their success seriously yet. That’s fine; somebody must make up the crowd that follows your lead. Do not be like most people and end up lost in a horde of mediocrity. Writing out your goal helps you clarify what you want. In addition, it is the first impression of your goal in the world. Writing out your goals takes them from fantasies in your head to real-world expressions. It is the declaration to the world and the universe that you are not to be taken as a joke.
Once you do this, you will not be wondering what you are doing in life anymore. Those days of needing constant entertainment to escape the boredom of living without direction and goals are done. You will have direction that empowers you. The more specific you can be about what you want, the more clearly you can define your path and determine your direction.
Exercise F1.1 – Identify WHAT You Want Out of Life
Get a notebook, a few sheets of paper, or open a new text document on your computer or your phone. Reserve 15 – 30 minutes of free time, free from any distractions. Write at the top of the document two questions:
1.What do I want out of life?
2.What will make me happy?
Write down everything that comes to mind without any filter. Just keep writing. After you cannot write anymore (push yourself to think and write for at least 10 minutes), read everything. Listen to your intuition and your body. If any thought puts a smile on your face or gets you excited, put a circle around it. Review your circled responses and select the top three. Write those top three on another sheet of paper.
Identify
