girl’s spiritual self can mean many things, but mostly it is the connection she feels with herself and the world around her. A girl’s spirituality moves far beyond her daily activities of school, sports, and friendships. To encourage girls to take care of their spiritual selves, and their inner peace and joyfulness, we can discuss the importance of quiet time and of time alone for self-reflection. This means slowing down, making and taking time to be still, and removing all distractions from sight (smartphones, iPads, laptops). It is in these quiet moments of solitude that girls can consider who they are and how they want to contribute to the world. As it says in the Bible, “In quietness and trust is your strength.”3 We can facilitate spiritual growth in girls by helping them explore the ways they can foster this growth. This could be time spent outside, time spent alone, or time spent with a higher power. When girls become centred and grounded in themselves and care for their innermost being, they feel strong and stable in a new way. Chapter 10 examines girls and spirituality in more depth.
As you have read, care comes in many ways, and it can be nurtured and taught from a very young age. When a girl comes to practise self-care on a daily basis, she feels she is worth caring for, and this will help her be clear about her value and about how others must value her too. A girl who understands and embraces self-care habits understands that she can take care of her needs and respect herself, and that self-care is self-love. We can definitely tell her when she is displaying wonderful self-care, and we can step in when she needs a few hints about how she could do a better job of caring for herself.
CULTIVATING CONNECTION
Let’s talk about:
•Why self-care is so important.
•All the different ways to practise self-care and the different ways to nurture her body, mind, and soul. There are many possibilities. And don’t forget about the simple things she can do, like drinking lots of water, adding special requests to the family grocery list, and keeping in her backpack things like tissues for a runny nose, lip balm to heal dry lips, lotion for soothing dry skin, and Band-Aids (just in case). Other ways include listening to inspirational music and watching inspirational movies.
•How practising self-care could make her feel. Have her say these positive messages out loud and explain how it feels when she tells herself I am worth it, I deserve care, and I love how I feel when I take care of myself. Is it difficult for her to accept that these are all true?
•What you notice: I notice that you seem sad lately. I notice that you seem quiet. When you are ready, let’s talk about these feelings. Use a light yet caring tone; you won’t get anywhere if you sound critical or accusatory.
READ MORE
The Art of Extreme Self-Care, by Cheryl Richardson
The Tender Cut: Inside the Hidden World of Self-Injury, by Patricia Adler and Peter Adler
VIEW MORE
U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, www.girlshealth.gov/
Let’s try:
•Creating a self-care package for when she feels she needs extra comfort and care. Find a container and spend some time gathering items she feels she can use to care for herself, especially those that engage the senses. Think about including chewing gum, a hair brush, lip balm, and hand lotion.
•Creating a self-care plan, listing as many ideas as possible for self-care acts she can practise throughout the day, such as using an umbrella when it rains, giving herself a self-hug or pat on the back, or holding a key chain or memento that reminds her of you. Decorate the self-care plan; laminate it if you’re able.
•Experimenting with various foods, and asking her to gauge how she feels when she eats certain foods (for example, a handful of candy versus a handful of nuts and raisins), to teach her the difference between foods that drain and foods that fuel.
•Having a pamper night of washing hair, experimenting with hairstyles, cleaning and polishing nails (hands and feet), soaking and moisturizing feet, and mini-massages. Throw in a movie you both love and a bowl of popcorn and it’ll be even more fun!
•Creating a sleep-time ritual: consider preparing for bed with a shower or bath, fresh pyjamas and bedding, warm lighting, candles or a scent (perhaps an aromatherapy diffuser with essential oils), and either a book to share with her or a conversation about her day and anything on her mind. This ritual might become something she starts to look forward to—a winding down from her busy day, and a time to feel nurtured and calm.
CONNECTION TOOL Self-Care—Ten Ways to Feel Good about You
Self-care can be easy to talk about; the hard part may be doing it. So here are 10 ideas to for putting self-care into action.
1.Drink enough water.
2.Get enough sleep.
3.Eat a variety of whole and nutritious foods.
4.Spend time with people who help you to feel good.
5.Have fun and laugh.
6.Practise life balance.
7.Speak kindly and positively to yourself.
8.Set boundaries and stick to them.
9.Make time for YOU!
10.Do more of what makes you happy.
Girl in the Mirror 5
WOULDN’T IT BE amazing if girls looked in the mirror and just smiled at what they saw? Girls are exceptionally good (as are most women) at pointing out and highlighting their bodies’ flaws, what they don’t like and what they feel they need to change. Isn’t it heartbreaking to watch her critique her beautiful body and wish she were someone else? We need to inspire our girls to be kind to their bodies, and kind to themselves.
When times get tough and they need to regain a sense of control, girls can turn on their bodies, blaming and denying. As counsellor Julia V. Taylor says, “When you try something that doesn’t work and you can’t figure out why, it’s easy to turn your insecurities into body blaming because your body is right in front of you.”1 The body itself is not the problem, but by focusing on weight and other aspects, a girl can manufacture a feeling of control to distract herself from the feeling that her world is spinning out of control. This strategy may give a girl a temporary sense of relief and an elusive sense of control and sense of self, but in the long term, this strategy may contribute to her damaging her body and neglecting her true need for body love and connection.
We can help girls, before they turn against their bodies, to have a true and honest relationship with them. As we saw in Chapter 4, this means nourishing themselves with nutritious foods, hydrating with a lot of water, being active and exercising, and resting and rejuvenating. It also includes speaking kindly and positively toward herself. When a girl feels out of control, it is a sign for her to amplify her self-care, not turn against herself. When it feels
