set boundaries, and handle the pervasive influence of social media.
Finally, Part 3 focuses on a girl’s journey onward in the world. It provides ways to help her connect with her higher purpose and passion, stay motivated, make healthy decisions, and use feedback and failure as opportunities to strengthen and grow. During the preteen years, she will most likely learn these lessons at school, which is like a girl’s job, but the lifelong habits of curiosity and working hard will serve her long after graduation. Part 3 also discusses ways to inspire her to see beyond herself toward her family, community, and society, and the endless ways she can make a real difference in the world, starting right now.
Help her connect with her higher purpose and passion
Growing Strong Girls is meant to encourage you when you feel you aren’t doing enough, to inspire you with fresh ideas and perspectives when you feel you’ve run out of them, to equip you with information and relatable stories, to motivate you to action, and to convey to you that YOU CAN DO IT!—even though some days it can feel like one step forward, three steps back. It is possible to raise girls to be strong, and small, incremental steps toward this will have profound and long-lasting effects on a girl’s life.
Inspire her
This book is also meant to serve as the bridge between information about girlhood and the practical, step-by-step guidance girls need. Because I want to facilitate your connection and help you start conversations that actually go somewhere, at the end of each chapter you’ll find a “Cultivating Connection” box, with discussion prompts and ideas for activities you can do together to drive home the ideas in that chapter and really bring them to life. In addition to the Cultivating Connection boxes, there are several “Connection Tools” throughout the book, such as a list of ten simple ways to connect, and a list of emotions to facilitate talking when feelings get overwhelming. There are even more resources gathered together at the back of the book, including positive power statements, my best homework and studying tips, and a list of common concerns I hear from parents, along with ideas for addressing them. I also suggest books and online resources you may want to use, either together with the girl in your life or for personal research and inspiration—look for the “Read More” sidebars in every chapter.
Truth telling also teaches girls to be honest with themselves
As well, you can join the Growing Strong Girls movement by using the hashtag #growingstronggirls via Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest, and Snapchat. You can also visit me online at www.LindsaySealey.com, where you will find downloadable materials, videos, podcasts, and blog posts from me. We have an accessible community for further support, advice, ideas, and inspiration. We adults need connection too.
Along the Way
As you explore these discussions and activities, keep two things in mind. First of all, a girl needs to know that although she may not get what she wishes for, she will get what she works for. Being strong, like any skill we desire to develop, takes practice—each and every day. And this takes patience (she won’t always get it right the first time) and perseverance (she will have to be determined in her decision to be strong). Likewise, growing strong girls doesn’t just happen. We need to be intentional about it and committed to our decision.
Second, it is our responsibility to tell girls the truth. Be honest about who they are: what you see as their core strengths, but also the things they can work on. With acceptance of the truth comes the liberty to plan next steps. Truth telling empowers girls and encourages inner strength; truth telling also teaches girls to be honest with themselves.
Sometimes girls need advice, ideas, and help, but more often than not, they need time, presence, undivided attention, and non-judgmental listening. Girls are actually pretty talented at solving their own problems if we provide them with the safe space to do so. What I am proposing in this book is the same thing I do with my company Bold New Girls: merging social and emotional learning with academic success, which is how we empower girls to view and navigate the world through a positive lens and in a positive way. To equip them to make healthy choices that contribute to their sense of fulfillment, belonging, and purpose. Strong girls become strong women when they accept and love who they are, are proud of all they have accomplished and all that they are, embrace ongoing growth and development, and have clarity and life purpose.
Strong girls become strong women
Let’s learn to cultivate connection so you can journey alongside your girl as she connects deeply inward with her true self, healthily outward in relationship with others, and boldly onward in the world. Connection begets connection, so the more time you spend with her, the more supported she will be to make these connections for herself. That’s the key to growing strong girls.
A Note to Readers
GROWING STRONG GIRLS is intended to offer research, experience, and strategies to help you connect with and journey alongside girls. It is not intended to be a replacement for professional medical advice. Anyone who is truly struggling needs and deserves guidance customized to their specific needs.
Holding children in secure connection includes listening to and honouring what makes them unique and what they need as they grow. This book is intended for readers who care for girls ages nine to fourteen, but with some modification, you will find that the ideas and activities facilitate connection with many age groups. Furthermore, everything in this book was conceived for girls with a variety of levels of ability, from different ethnic, cultural, and religious backgrounds, and who may have non-traditional gender identities. For the purpose of consistency, I use the pronouns “she” and “her” throughout. Language grows and shifts over time—though sometimes not as quickly as the pace of social change. The qualities strong girls possess will one day enable them to lead these evolving conversations about inclusivity.
I present true stories in this book but have changed all names and identifying details to protect the privacy of the individuals and families involved.
Lastly, I want to underline that it is the responsibility of adults to keep the children in their care safe. If you feel any child is in danger, or is endangering another, please take action immediately and seek professional help.
PART ONE
A Girl’s Journey Inward
Growing Strong by Connecting Inward to the True Self
THE MOST IMPORTANT relationship a girl will ever have is the one she develops with herself. When we prioritize making a solid connection with her, she can know, first-hand, what a secure relationship feels like, and she can emulate that security as she looks at her whole self: her emotional, mental, social, physical, psychological, and spiritual aspects.
When a girl knows who she is, she is empowered with the self-knowledge to grow strong; when a girl recognizes how she is feeling in the moment, she is empowered with the self-awareness necessary to be strong.
Think about it: Who knows all her favourite things? Who knows what she fears most? Who knows her deepest, darkest secrets and her magical, adventuresome dreams? Who knows how to love her and be there for her in the exact ways she needs? Who knows how to provide the kindness and self-compassion she needs at exactly the moment she needs it? The answer
