is his value and yours… and the gap in between, which you need to bridge but there is no need for this if your value is basically accepted by him.
And here is a truth that will save you a lot of time, effort, and aggravation.
FACT 2: You can never change anyone’s mind by an abundance of arguments
What? That is exactly what we were planning to do! If we speak long enough, loud enough, and repeat it often enough, then they will see it our way. Now you’re telling me that this will not work?
That is right! A huge percentage of the information that reaches our ears does not register, especially when the message sounds unpleasant. Would you like to hear how much? Sources come up with different numbers but none sound very promising. Conservative estimates show seventy percent of the spoken word does not reach the listener. Newer research places the percentage all the way up to ninety-three. So seven percent of your words must do the job because the rest is lost in the wind
Now prepare your pitch and we’ll remove 93% at random3. Is it even worth opening our mouth?
You should keep in mind that the difference between thirty and three percent is easy to understand. The more predictable you are, the more you “lose” your listeners, especially when negotiating. They don’t want to hear what you are saying because they want the exact opposite.
So changing anyone’s mind must come from within. He acts out of his own “free will”. At least that is what you need him to think, an impulse that feels right to him, but has been in fact triggered by you. For this to happen, you need to gain direct access to his brain, unknown to him, via a back entrance.
NegoLogic is not a cookbook; “take fifty grams of smart, mix it with an ounce of daring, and add a fine-chopped calculated risk....” If you expect this, I must disappoint you right here.
There will be certain paths to follow, but you must decide what size steps to take and which boots to wear because every situation and opponent is different. Your own personality must be allowed to play a major role too, because NegoLogic only works naturally, without your forcing yourself.
No matter who you find yourself up against, NegoLogic will become a natural part of you so it can be used in all kinds of negotiations against a wide variety of opposition. Your current methods will be replaced by unlimited choices based on whatever you are facing.
Battle of the buck
FOCUS: Buffers and faking financial climax
ELABORATE: If you are like the rest of us, you misrepresent your opening position on purpose based on your first impressions of the situation and your actual opponent. The more extreme his position appears, the higher you portray the difference between you. So you create a buffer based on first impressions and preconceived notions, just like the other party does with you. Nothing new there.
SOLUTION: We may be the nicest and most honest people otherwise, but during negotiations we all lie, or avoid telling the whole truth. This is not only likely, it is expected of us, otherwise we have not tried hard enough to win the Battle of the Buck.
This strange folk belief tells us to misrepresent our real position in a frail and unrealistic hope to fool the other party.
Example
Joe wants to sell his property and Bill is interested. The perfect beginning of any negotiation. Then they start dancing around the issue. Who will come up with the first number?
Why is that so important? The idea behind this hesitation is that the other person might surprise us pleasantly. For instance, Joe wishes Bill would start with three million while Bill himself does not want to risk losing the chance that maybe Joe wants to sell for just two. For that reason both appear reluctant to open fire.
When this situation becomes unbearable, one of them will start the proceedings. You have guessed already that the true value of the building is around 2.5 but both want to reserve a buffer. So they will start higher – 3 – and lower – 2 – than they really have in mind. So there is exactly one million separating the parties in the fake opening positions. The truth is that this amount may consist completely of buffer, and that both have the same price in mind.
If neither shows superior skills they will end up as expected, and strike a deal around 2.5. Time to celebrate! The anti-climax (for the precious few who can tell the difference) is that in fact they have accomplished absolutely nothing, as neither of them had to reconsider the price he already had in mind. The whole “negotiation” was song and dance.
During these predictable proceedings the buyer is likely to utter only negatives, while the seller seems blind and deaf to these arguments and only sees the positive sides to the real estate he wants to part with. They need to walk this weird and slightly irritating path in order for both of them to feel that they really tried their best.
By pointing out the windows are in bad shape Bill hopes that Joe will agree with him, and as a result, lower his price, but Joe is thinking that Bill will pay more if he keeps on hearing how nice the new parking lot is. Pigs will fly 747s before either of them changes his position on the basis of this arguing.
Welcome seven percent of the spoken word! Nobody listens any more, because they don’t like most of what they are hearing. If neither insults the other too much, they will deal despite their arguments. Both participants in this farce will give themselves credit for their great accomplishment and repeat the procedure next time. They have learnt nothing so their experience has zero value. Yet they feel they are accomplished negotiators, standing ready to advise others.
I met one of them recently. Talking about my work he looked at me in a funny way: “I don’t understand what you are teaching. I always buy for the lowest price...” The man was managing director of a company and self-appointed negotiator. Once in a long while I get someone like him in a training course and it is like explaining the colours in a movie to a blind person. He cannot even recognise the shapes or images but don’t get your hopes up of meeting many like him. An increasing percentage of professionals are aware of practical business psychology and you are on the road to joining them.
Slippery slopes
The person skiing backwards down the track will feel disoriented and confused. Sliding from an innocent conversation into negotiation has exactly the same effect. We don’t know where we are and have lost valuable ground that can never be regained.
There are no re-dos and failing to recognise the commercial implications is a costly affair. Sometimes it can close all lines of communication completely, making it impossible to move in any direction.
But see the next chapter for examples.
FOCUS: Ego rules!
ELABORATE: We pretend that the result is all that matters. This is not the case at all. Our ego is allowed to sit on the first row whenever we nEGOtiate.
SOLUTION: Everyone has a position worth defending. So long as we haven’t made any mistakes that are openly exposed we can keep our pride intact. The one factor playing a major role in negotiations is our precious ego. It is constantly in the way of reaching the best result.
