the mice will play.’ My colleagues behind the partition broke into lively conversations. Mr Hong banged on the partition and shouted, ‘Miss Yun, how long?’ meaning how long will he be away.
‘About an hour,’ I said. Long enough to pool a small sum of money, and one of us go out and get some snacks. In normal circumstances I would have joined them chattering as loudly as anyone else, but today I went on with tidying up my drawers. Miss Pak came round to me.
‘Are you all right? You don’t look well.’ I like her sisterly ways towards me. She pulled up a chair by my side and was about to say something but on second thoughts closed her mouth.
‘So, Miss Chŏng’s going soon, then,’ I had to break the silence as I was the hostess and she the guest.
‘Yes, isn’t she clever? She has arranged it all so quietly with no fuss, no showing off.’
‘Having her sister and brother in America must have been a great help, I suppose. I shall miss her.’
‘So will I.’ Then she said, ‘What about you? With the man you met in Onyang. I thought you were getting on well with him for a few days?’
I didn’t know how to reply. Two days ago I would have said, ‘We are going to be married soon,’ and told her all about it.
‘Um, we are in love with each other. He’s away in Pusan at the moment.’
‘Good. What’s he like? ‘
I could not hide my tears rising to my eyes. ‘We love each other but he has a wife and a child.’ At this rate, I shall soon be a master liar myself. There was now no need to restrain my tears.
‘Oh, I am sorry.’ She heaved a sigh.
‘Ŏnni, don’t tell anyone, will you.’
‘Of course not, but I am terribly sorry. Try to forget. You couldn’t have developed too deep an affection yet.’ She clicked her tongue as she left me and went back to her desk. At that moment the telephone rang.
‘Hello.’ My voice sounded weak. A woman’s voice said, ‘Is that Miss Yun I am speaking to?’
‘Yes, I am Sukey Yun.’
‘That’s handy,’ she said. What an arrogant voice. ‘It is about Tong-hi Kwŏn.’ I tensed up. At first I thought it was his mother.
‘You had better give him up. He will not be seeing you today. I’ve been with him in Pusan.’
‘May I ask who you are?’
‘You don’t need to know who I am, but I am telling you this for your own good. All I can say is that I loved him before you and I trust your good character.’
I could not make sense of all this and I was thoroughly confounded. Then a few minutes later the phone rang again. This time it was him.
‘Oh, Sukey. I’ve just got off the train and run up the stairs in one breath.’ He was obviously panting.
‘How are you? You are quiet? Sukey? Sukey?’ I didn’t know how to respond to this. On hearing his voice all my suspicion and anger melted away, I could not wait to see him. If I was honest to myself I should have said frankly, ‘You have been lying to me. Liar!’ But I had developed some cunning in the last few days. I have learnt to handle certain circumstances with caution and strategy. If he knew that I suspected him and was angry he might decide not to see me again. I could not risk letting him slip away. I pretended innocence and cheerfulness.
‘So, you are back. Did you have a good time? How’s your mother?’
‘I have so much to tell you. I’ll see you at “Rose” at seven.’
When I saw him the expression on my face probably betrayed a mixture of hatred and love. He looked a bit thinner. I thought I would sort it out there and then, the questions of love or deception, and life or death.
‘You have been lying to me. Why?’
Like a deer struck by an arrow his countenance instantly crumpled. ‘I knew you would be like this.’
‘But why, why did you have to deceive me?’
‘Please say no more. There are reasons, which I hope to explain to you in due course. All I can say is that only our love can solve all the mysteries,’ he said imploringly. I noted with curiosity his words ‘There are reasons.’
‘I left home today,’ he said. We looked at each others’ blank eyes.
‘I haven’t eaten anything all day. Shall we go and eat first and then I will tell you all about it.’
We sat in a Western-style restaurant and ate our meal in silence. I could see his hands holding the knife and fork were visibly shaking.
I was taken aback when what he called his new lodgings turned out to be a room in a small hotel. Since that night I had come to harbour bad feelings about such places. In the room there were one suitcase, a small writing desk and a small transistor radio on top of it. The ondol floor was pleasantly warm, over which his bedding had been neatly laid out. An elderly inn-keeper and his wife came out and offered him a courteous greetings and went away. Music floated from the radio.
‘I want you to understand this, Sukey. I have thrown away all the comforts of life for your sake,’ he said as he gripped my hands. ‘You trust me, don’t you? I will tell you everything tonight.’ His face was full of love, enough to melt away the last trace of suspicion and anger. As my tension loosened my body became sloppy. Languor came over it and I could barely sit upright. I felt like throwing myself into his arms and abandoning it to his caresses.
A beep came from the radio. It was the time signal announcing nine o’clock. It was like an alarm bell to shake up my numbed reason. ‘You must not allow yourself to spend the night here.’ It was a stern voice of my conscience. I sprang to my feet. ‘I must go now. See you tomorrow.’
‘What do you mean?’ He was confounded. ‘No, you can’t do this to me. I won’t be left alone.’ He whispered like a feeble child at first. But when he saw me putting on my coat and picking up my handbag he stood in the doorway blocking it. ‘If you go, I shall leave Seoul tonight and never see you again.’
‘My sister is very ill.’ I pushed him aside and stepped down to the courtyard. ‘Good night, Mr Kwŏn. I will see you at “Rose” at ten o’clock tomorrow.’ I did not wait for his reply and ran out of the gate.
When I was finally through the long alleyway and stood at the edge of the main road I saw him coming after me calling ‘Sukey, Sukey.’ Like a lunatic I ran across the road stumbling forward and stepped onto the pavement on the other side of the road. Now we stood opposite separated by a dark main road like a deep river. As I stood there I repeated to myself, ‘Please forgive me, please forgive me.’ I had to get on whatever came first, taxi or bus, but it was a quiet road and nothing came. From the pitch black sky, drops of rain began to fall. His body standing on the other side of the road like a statue started moving towards me. He was coming to implore me once more to stay with him.
‘Father, save me from this moment.’ Unawares, a prayer leapt out of my lips. I repeated it again and again. He was half way across the road when an empty
