and shocked at the staff meeting last night after I was introduced as the new general manager. I smile and flash shaka to the girl at the front desk and she smiles and flashes shaka back to me. Walking towards the Tropics Gym Café I hear Randy’s voice. “Hafa Adai, pahtnahhhhh” he says. I look up to see Randy leaning over the railing in front of a row of treadmills upstairs. He is dressed in a Spiderman shirt and blue running tights, an orange headband and dark sunglasses. I flash shaka to him and he flashes shaka back to me.
“Good morning Randy” I say.
“It is a good morning yes a very good morning and I heard that you wowed them at your introduction meeting last night, pahtnaaaah. Welcome to work” he says.
‘Thanks Randy, have a good run” I respond before continuing my walk through the gym. Randy was not at the meeting last night which means that he either spoke with his cousin, Elisa Saru or one of the staff. But whatever, his feedback is good. Continuing my walk through inspection of the gym it seems like the music is too loud. Mr. Saru told me that the music should be soft in the lobby and loudest in the back with a progressive increase in volume as you walk from the front of the center to the back. He said that the music helps create the atmosphere for working out and while I agree about the music, I think the progression of volume is bullshit. If anything the music should only be loud in the weight room. Mr. Saru told me that the bright colors, the progression of the music and, the general atmosphere of Tropics Gym are a reflection of his personality.
Like any big city fitness population on the mainland USA, the Guam fitness population works out either early in the morning, right before work or early in the evening, right after work. The prime times at Tropics Gym are five to ten in the morning and five to eight at night. Tuna works out at night which is perfect for me. I train clients in the early morning, attend t management issues during the day and workout with Tuna at night. We usually work out together after he finishes work, like I did with Jay Merrill back in Honolulu. Tropics Gym has its regulars, the members that workout at the same time everyday throughout the week. At Tropics Gym, the morning regulars are local media personalities, top business people, attorneys, judges, policemen, firemen and business owners. The afternoon regulars are mostly housewives and students. The after-work regulars are mostly 9 to 5’rs and the late night regulars are mostly shift workers, bartenders, bouncers and strippers. Tuna has names for a few of the regulars like the coconut heads, the power crew, the fitness bunnies, the cardio junkies and Guammyogi’s. Everyone comes to Tropics Gym to pursue their fitness goals and every gym in the world has its unique demographic. On Guam, it’s the Chauds. A chaud is the Guam equivalent to a redneck and the group that Tuna calls the coconut heads are chaud guys that give stink eye, to everyone that they perceive to be a threat to their masculinity which just happens to be anyone else in the gym. The coconuts like to monopolize the dumbbell rack in front of the mirror so that they can stand around, acting tough and admire themselves. The chaud mentality is no different than the mokes in Hawaii or rednecks in the mainland USA. Tonight, the coconuts are giving stink eye to Tuna and me while we are working out in the weight room. Tuna says it’s because we are using more weights than any of them could. He also said that ignoring them will piss them off. I have no problem ignoring them, but I am struggling to not laugh. “Tuna, as the general manager of Tropics Gym, it is my duty to introduce myself to them and make them feel welcome” I say.
“No yell fo me when they like jam you!” he says.
“Jam me?” I ask.
“Yah, you know, fight, beef, kick yer ass.” He says.
“For what?” I ask.
“Cause you talk at them, cause you haole, cause you stronger them” He says seriously.
Mr. Saru walks up and asks if he can join us. The coconuts are no longer watching us. They must be afraid of Mr. Saru. Tuna begins loading up the leg press with weights and smiling.
After we finish working out, Mr. Saru buys protein shakes for all three of us and we sit together at a table. Mr. Saru asks me if I would be willing to train his wife a few days a week in the mornings. I nod and he tells me that he will have her call me.
“She hasn’t been to the gym for almost a year” he says. His cell phone begins to ring. He answers as he gets up from the table and from the tone of his voice I can tell he is talking to Adipo. He turns back and waves at us before walking outside.
“You met her?” Tuna asks.
“Her? You mean Elisa Saru? I met her my first night here at the fiesta at their house. You were there!” I say in disbelief.
“No, no, not Mrs. Saru, you know who is that calling his phone?” He asks.
Damn, I think that Tuna is asking me if I know Adipo but I don’t know what he knows. I am not sure if I should admit that I know about Adipo or pretend that I don’t know.
“Umbre, you know what is one atchatma? Mr. Saru has one atchatma” he says.
I stare blankly at the table. What should I say? Can I trust Tuna?
“Eh, no worry, can tell me if you know. All of Guam knows already” he says.
I nod, still not sure how to respond. I want to stay loyal to Mr. Saru and I don’t want to discuss his private affairs with anyone. But Tuna is calling me out. Fuck, this is serious. Am I a trustworthy friend of Tunas or should I stay loyal to Mr. Saru? Or as Tuna has been telling me, does everyone already know?
“Umbre, Mr. Saru been pokin’ squid, he fucking Adipo. She is one achatma!” he says laughing.
“Poke squid? What is poking squid?” I ask.
“You know, kill a pig, poke one squid. You know, make sook- sook, fuck, do it, you know, to have sex, you know what I’m sayin’?” he asks.
‘Poke squid” I say, laughing. “I just learned a new euphemism.”
“Eh? What is euphemism?” he asks.
“It’s when you imply something instead of saying something offensive. Like saying poke squid instead of fucking” I say.
“Shoot shoots, you one smart haole. Eh, no worry about Adipo. Mr. Saru take her out in public. Mrs. Saru already know about her, everybody know” he says.
“I met Adipo the night after I first arrived on Guam. I met her at Kitano Zaka.” I say.
“Adipo one ugly girl hoi, you been Kitano Zaka? Is one atchatma bar, everybody know that place is where to take atchatma. Been to any other bars?” he asks.
“No, but have been to a lot of restaurants and coffee shops.” I say.
“Hoi, we going out, I take you into good clubs. Shoots, I take you into the bad ones too. Get clubs with ugliest strippers you ever seen” he says with a laugh.
“Alright, when?” I ask.
“Going Honolulu for three weeks, get two weeks training class an one week vacation. Leave tomorrow, we going out when I get back” he says.
“Three weeks? Fuck, Tuna, you’re going to miss out on the big event. I am planning a training and nutrition seminar with Mr. Universe, Markus Crevas. I am presenting the nutrition part of the seminar and Marcus will do the training seminar” I say.
“Cannot get out of work, sorry cannot be here” he says.
“Nah,
