I constantly get feedback from people who tell me that they had no idea how much of a ‘teller’ they were, and that now that they have become aware of the option of being an ‘asker’ it has dramatically changed their experiences of leadership as well as radically improving their life in general. I have a term that I use for people who use Better Questions and that is a ‘Potentialiser’. The definition of this word that I use is a ‘releaser of amazingness in others’, and you will come to learn that Better Leaders are ‘Potentialisers’.
The reality is that it isn’t hard to put the ‘asking’ process into practice, and I commend you for being prepared to step out of your comfort zone for a while by taking on board the messages outlined in this book. The old adage ‘no pain, no gain’ is definitely true when we are trying to learn a new skill, so be prepared for some internal resistance to these new ideas. After all, it is far easier to do what comes naturally than have to think about doing something differently!
I hope that you can see that there is no need to build a case for ‘telling’ or to provide you with any more skills in this area – you probably already do it extremely well! Remember, typically we already are good at ‘telling’ and have had it ‘role modelled’ into us for most of our lives. My aim in this book is to ask you to step out of your comfort zone of doing what you have always done, think about the ideas I present and have a go at putting them into practice. I guarantee you will be a better leader as a result!
If you are up for this, let me get started on inspiring you to be a Potentialiser in your role as a leader. I know that if you perform better in your leadership role, then the world will become a better place. How can this be so? Well, if you are a better leader, people you work with will enjoy their work more, which in turn means that they will be happier and more fulfilled. If they do find more happiness and fulfilment in their lives, it means they are able to be better mums, dads, brothers, sisters, friends, grandparents, aunts and uncles. If everyone was able to fulfil their roles in a better way, then the world really would become a better place – and it all started with YOU!
Chapter 1
Leadership hats
In my role as a manager and leader, I always feel as if I have to wear many different hats; sometimes it feels like I have to wear many hats at the same time! I believe that the essential skill of being a great leader is knowing which is the right hat to wear at the right time and in the right way to best deal with the situation being faced. In my experience, this choice is rarely straightforward, particularly when you are dealing with people and the challenges of their different perspectives, mindsets, preferences and approaches.
Fortunately, in my case this has always been the aspect of leadership that I have loved the most – the fact that when it comes to people there is never a ‘one size fits all’ answer to problems. You have to respond intuitively to situations that, on the surface, appear to be the same but often require a different approach because of the challenge of dealing with a diverse range of people. I have found that trying to work effectively with my team as a leader has brought me the most challenges as well as the greatest joy and rewards (and, of course, every emotion in between!), so in all honesty I have enjoyed the fact that there are rarely any easy answers.
Deciding what is the right hat to wear (i.e. what our response should be to a certain situation or person) is often not straightforward, and so typically our first response is often made in an habitual way that is easiest for us and fits within our comfort zone. From what I have shared with you so far, you will probably acknowledge that many people feel most comfortable, not surprisingly, with the ‘teller’ response and this will be the hat that they will bring to their leadership roles – on automatic pilot in many instances.
What I’d like to do to start our journey into building a business case for asking Better Questions is to share some insights into the most frequent hats we wear as managers and leaders. I hope that by doing this we will be able to recognise the key aspects of each hat in the hope that, going forward, it will help us to make more informed choices rather than automatic choices.
So, to start this exploration I invite you to consider a line, with one end representing the more typical ‘telling’ space and the other end representing the ‘asking’ space.
I ask in advance for your understanding in the explanations I am about to share with you; they may at times appear to be simplistic in their nature. I recognise that rarely is anything clear-cut in life, and usually there are many grey areas; however, if you can bear with me in my explanations, I hope to be able to clarify some important points that will enable you to glean more understanding about the key distinctions between the two approaches of ‘telling’ and ‘asking’.
The teacher/trainer/educator
Let’s start by talking about some of the hats (roles) that you will relate to within your typical leadership and management positions, ones that belong more at the ‘telling’ end of our TELLER—ASKER line. The first one I’d like to explore is the hat I refer to as teacher/trainer/educator. This is a hat that most of us will be familiar with, even though it isn’t usually mentioned in our job titles. This hat is very much about being able to impart knowledge or a skill to enable another person to learn and grow. The prerequisite for wearing this hat has to be that the wearer has the knowledge and/or skills in the first place.
I must make the point that this is a valid hat to wear, in that it really adds value to our teams and enables them to learn and grow and perform at a higher level. Indeed, if I look back on my life, I absolutely acknowledge I wouldn’t be the person I am today without some great teachers, trainers and educators sharing their knowledge and skills with me. Consequently, I am not invalidating the role of the teacher/trainer/educator hat; I intend to make you more conscious of them so that you can make more informed choices going forward.
Internal consultant or the expert
Let’s look at another hat that we wear, and one I am sure we all relate to within our management and leadership capacity – the role of internal consultant or expert. What I mean by these roles is that they are held by someone who is seen as a ‘go to’ person, someone who can be relied on to provide expertise and advice and is able to help people because of their knowledge. Frequently, managers are promoted into their roles because of their experience, length of service and their proven expertise. Whilst I know that good organisations will be looking for other qualities in their managers and leaders, I find in reality that expertise is something that most leaders are able, and indeed required, to bring to the table.
I must emphasise the importance of people who wear this internal consultant or expert hat. Very often, as you will see in the next chapter, there is a clear expectation by our organisations and our staff that our role is to be an expert adviser. Clearly, wearers of this hat will help in supporting staff with their jobs, and staff will learn and grow as a result of this sharing of wisdom and knowledge.
The mentor
Whilst I acknowledge that there are many more hats that we wear, the final one I would like to consider is that of mentor. There are many ways to describe what a mentor does, but over the years I have settled on there being two clear components to the mentoring roles. The first is that the mentor is there to support another person in their development, and to do this there is an expectation that they will share their wisdom and knowledge from their journey so far. The other feature that defines a mentor is that they have ‘been there and done that’; their role is to guide another person so as to enable them to successfully deal with the challenges that they are confronted
