because we believe that is the role of a manager.
Chapter 3
What else drives ‘telling’?
The previous chapter provided some valuable insight into helping us think about our role as a leader and the way we go about getting things done. I am sure that most of us will relate to that sense of conformity and ‘fitting in’, and also of unconsciously conforming to the way things are done in certain workplace cultures rather than by a way of our choosing.
I’d now like to take some time to highlight what other factors are at play in our role definition that need to be given further consideration to help us deal with the challenge of being less of a ‘teller’ and more of an ‘asker’. I always find that when we consider the prospect of asking more questions of someone instead of telling them what to do, there is some internal resistance that comes from both the person who is doing the asking and the person being asked. In this chapter, I will attempt to deal with some of the actual and perceived issues that arise for a manager or leader as they assume the role of an ‘asker’, and later we will deal with issues involving the person who is being asked.
I am going to work through a practical example that you will be able to relate to and that will help to demonstrate the points I’d like to make. Let’s imagine that a manager has a staff member who has worked with them for some time. They have a good working relationship and the staff member is a valued team member. Historically, mainly due to a lack of awareness, the manager has been more of a ‘teller’ than an ‘asker’ and so they have created an habitual way of responding to people in their team.
The example we will use is where a team member presents to their manager with a problem and the manager simply responds by advising the team member what to do. Indeed, the manager identifies with the ‘telling’ space because they consider themselves to be an expert in their field and have always believed that dealing with problems in this way was best. However, fortunately the manager has recently attended a workshop where they learnt the skill of asking Better Questions. Whilst at the workshop, the manager realises that they had been too much of a ‘teller’ in the past and decides that when they return to work they will start to ask some of those Better Questions.
The manager returns to work after the workshop, and they have not been back at work long when a staff member approaches them with a problem, again with the expectation that the manager will provide a solution for them – after all, this is what has always happened in the past. The manager is perhaps a little apprehensive about changing their approach and asking some Better Questions, believing their staff member will not be happy if they adopt this approach. Maybe the staff member will think that the manager is simply in a bad mood and things will shortly return to normal. Maybe the staff member will think that the manager doesn’t have an answer to the problem and is turning it around as a question because of their own incompetence. Perhaps the staff member will think that the manager is trying to test them or trip them up and so they will feel suspicious of the manager’s intentions. Possibly the manager is letting the staff member know, in a roundabout way, that they are tired of staff coming to them with problems. Alternatively, the staff member might cynically think that the manager has read the latest book on leadership practices or recently attended a training program, and once the manager has tried out a few new things they will soon get back to being their usual self! Whatever the case, you will see that the fact that the manager has switched to being an ‘asker’ is not viewed very positively; in fact, they may now be perceived as incompetent, grumpy, untrustworthy or, as mentioned above, simply in a bad mood!
You can see from this example that once you have overcome the hurdle of dealing with your own perceptions of your role, you will need to start thinking about how you can deal with how others perceive your role, in particular those people who report to you. If we have formed a certain way of interacting with our people and we suddenly change, there is a good chance it is not going to be well received. Once we have established a way of doing things, it will potentially be more challenging to change because of existing perceptions. However, change is certainly possible and it may be easier than you think.
Changing your style
I will now share with you some ideas that will help us deal with the challenges highlighted here, in the hope that something will inspire you to find a solution that is going to work for you. There are many potential solutions to deal with challenges, and I never pretend to have all the answers, but the following ideas definitely will help.
In the example above, where the manager is changing from being a ‘teller’ to an ‘asker’, my simple advice to you is to let people know what you are doing and why you are doing it! I think it’s important to remember that there are ways to convey a message, and so it is important that our team members understand that this is genuinely about you wanting to change your style and is not about them having done anything wrong. Whilst I personally don’t like scripts, what follows are some possible words that you might use that will help you to sincerely convey your reasons for your change in approach:
I just wanted to share with you the reason why I have changed my approach and have asked you a question, rather than simply advising you what to do and providing an answer, as I would normally do. I have realised that every time I try to solve a problem for you by telling you what to do, I am denying you an opportunity to learn and grow and also I am denying you the option of bringing your own ideas to the table. So, in future, what I’d like to do is ask you some more questions that enable you to bring your wisdom and knowledge to the table and acknowledge your experience.
As I said, it is important that you bring your own preferred language and style when conveying the message, but as long as it is positive and confidence-building I have found that most staff members will get where you are coming from, and many will appreciate your change in approach. I do recognise that this may not be the case for all staff members – indeed, some may positively resist you asking them questions, and we will explore this further in a later chapter about dealing with challenges and issues with asking Better Questions.
Being open about your reason for asking questions is, I believe, the best way to proceed and, as outlined above, you may choose to do this on an individual basis with each team member as you have conversations with them. One other way of approaching the challenge of your team not understanding why you have changed to being an ‘asker’ is to simply advise the team about the change at your next team meeting. Whilst this may seem less personal, it does send a powerful message to your team about your intent, and from your own perspective it is likely to mean that you will follow through on taking a different approach because of your public commitment to do so.
I personally have also found it very powerful to outline to my staff exactly how I wish to fulfil my role so that I proactively manage their expectations of me. In many of my most recent roles I was not able to be the ‘expert’ adviser that many of my team expected me to be. In fact, it was quite challenging for a number of my team that their organisation had employed someone who didn’t have expert knowledge in their field and who had been employed purely for their people-leadership abilities. Whilst this did bring some interesting challenges for me, including with one lady who decided she could not possibly work for someone whom she perceived as being incompetent due to my lack of specific industry knowledge, most of my team eventually appreciated having a manager who was able to be a better leader rather than an expert.
Having
