that the important starting point is to have strength in your convictions about how you wish to go about your role, and then it is about being able, when necessary, to articulate your ideas with confidence. Generally, I have found that actions speak louder than words, and rather than getting into disagreements about how I will go about my role, I have simply carried on with the job in the knowledge that the results will speak for themselves.
This has worked for me in all but one instance where I had a very controlling boss who needed to be on top of everything. It was clear from the outset that we had extremely different styles and ways to get results, and so in this instance I respectfully requested that I be left to run things my way; if there was a problem with that, then my boss could let me know. I never once had an issue raised with me about my approach and, in fact, when I left that team my boss let me know, albeit in a very low-key way, that I was the best manager that he had ever employed. So my respectful request worked!
I have always believed, though, that if you feel strongly about your approach as a manager and this is not valued or supported by your line manager or organisation, then maybe it is time to question whether you are working for an organisation that is right for you. If your preferred style is not appreciated and people want you to work against your beliefs and preferences (i.e. ‘the integrity gap’ is looming), then my suggestion to you is to start looking for another role outside of that organisation or suffer the pain of not acting with integrity.
The ego
Let’s explore one other aspect of our preference to be more of a ‘teller’, and that is an aspect of human nature that most of us don’t like to talk about – the role of the ego. It will be helpful to demonstrate the role that our ego plays in typical, everyday leadership situations. So let’s go back to the scenario that we considered earlier, where your staff member comes to you for help with a work-related problem.
Remember that most of us are programmed to respond by telling or advising another person what to do, so automatically we provide an answer, or at the very least a suggestion, to the staff member. Now what I’d like you to think about is the impact our ‘telling’ has on us after we have helped our team member. Whilst most of what I am about to describe isn’t done at a conscious level, there is a good chance our ego will get a boost from our actions. We all have a need to feel significant and good about who we are, and in this instance we will be feeling a sense of self-satisfaction due to the fact that we have:
•helped the person out
•demonstrated our knowledge and wisdom
•proven that we are a good manager
•justified why we are the manager and they aren’t!
Whilst I accept that there is a little cynicism in these points, they aren’t too far from the truth if we are prepared to be honest. So, if this is the case then we need to recognise that if we change to being an ‘asker’ rather than a ‘teller’, this sense of self-satisfaction won’t occur because we are no longer providing an answer. Given that we are strongly motivated by doing things that make us feel good about ourselves, the possibility of changing a habit that enables us to give ourselves a pat on the back is not going to be easy to do. That said, I trust that sharing this awareness with you enables you to be prepared for letting go of this ‘ego fix’. I guarantee that your ego will feel very satisfied from the new practice I am going to share with you. Accordingly, at this stage please trust me that at the end of the day your ego will still be its normal, happy self, and maybe even more content than usual if you adopt this ‘asking’ approach.
Thus, understanding how you’d like to go about performing your role and the values that you will uphold is the starting point to being a better leader who asks Better Questions. Once you have that clear in your mind, you must have the strength of your convictions to go into the world and be that person, which will include managing the perceptions and expectations of others. This will undoubtedly bring challenges along the way, but I believe that a better leader will have the resilience and resolve to work their way through these problem areas and be strong through adversity. After all, wanting to tap into people’s potential, valuing empowerment and engaging your team are fabulous attributes of a true Potentialiser, attributes that most organisations are crying out for.
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