surprise of if all. From the moment your lips touched mine, I was enraptured.”
His smile widened and I continued.
“It was obvious that you didn’t follow the procedure to the letter but your spin on the kiss back may have been the reason I was able to experience it again. Though, I will have to say that I don’t ever remember having that intense of an encounter ever in my whole life.”
Michael wanted to have a conversation.
“Tell me about how it felt for you when the wave hit.”
I remember wanting to talk after sex with my husband but he was never really interested in a discussion; he just wanted sleep.
Closing my eyes in order to bring back the experience and retell it to Michael must have been a turn on for him because he kissed me lovingly on the forehead.
I started anew.
“I felt our breathing stop suddenly when the wave hit us. I say us because you were feeling it, too. Knowing that you were right there in the experience with me made it all that much sweeter.”
It was easy to see that he wanted more so I continued.
“Keeping my hands out of the equation was at first difficult but in the end it proved to be impossible. I needed my hands on you if only to hold on and to keep me anchored; I might just have drifted away in a dozen different directions.”
I took a slow deep breath.
“The pleasure was beyond anything in my memory of experiences and just when I thought I couldn’t stand it a second more, it started again and I reveled in it and what’s more I could feel you do the same. It was intense and superb; I am so happy to have the gift of recall.”
I knew the ability to summon up that experience would save me in the future when Michael was no longer in my life.
“Ok, it’s your turn to talk,” I said.
“Give me the account from your point of view, please.”
“It was different than before possibly because I was in control – well, I was in control in the beginning but somewhere in the middle there I was swept away, too.” He stopped to get on top of his thoughts.
“At first I thought of the process as an ordeal – it was going to be work impressing you and properly showing my gratitude. As it turned out, it wasn’t like that at all. The kiss was the beginning of the most satisfying experience I’ve ever had. Being with you while you were enraptured was doubly sweet for me because it was like you allowed me to join you in the most intimate and personal experience - not to mention my own involvement and internal reactions.”
We laid there for another hour talking about the loveliness of the whole experiment – scrutinizing every aspect of the way the kiss back affected each of us. There would be silence for a few minutes and then one of us would recall something to share and the discussion would begin anew. Finally we gave another hour to a conversation regarding the connect and where we might be standing after that kiss back.
We were connected still and we both agreed that we had the balance back. We felt at peace but were a bit wound up wanting the happening not to ebb. The real concern for us was the disconnect; would we be able to disconnect without the disorientation and pain – a big question we had yet to see about. In reality we were putting off discovering whether or not the disconnect would be difficult. I was putting it off because it may be too easy and then Michael wouldn’t need me anymore; that would be the beginning of my sadness. The reasons for Michael putting off discovering the state of the disconnect were not evident to me. I knew that we would eventually have to face whatever the disconnect brought us. I also knew that when we actually decided to find out, we’d be strong for each other.
For a bit we just stayed in our own heads. Thinking about each other and how we were so good at showing our gratitude and giving the other pleasure. I didn’t bring back the whole event but parts of it I examined and relived with my eyes closed. Michael was also wrapped in his own thoughts - thinking about something very pleasant, no doubt, because his smile betrayed any privacy he may have thought he had.
Michael broke the silence, “I’m going to have use the head; how about you?”
“Yeah, me too.” I said but I needed Michael to know everything so I continued, “To be completely honest and I think that’s necessary for us, I’m concerned about the disconnect – not because I’m afraid of the difficulty but because of the possibility that the process would be too easy.”
There was that puzzled look again. I needed to explain further.
“I’ve grown accustomed to your needing me and that loss would be big for me. Don’t get me wrong, I want what’s best for you, I’m just saying…”
Poor guy, how was he supposed to respond to that? It wasn’t very smart of me to include him in my thoughts of woe.
His response was the product of clear thinking.
“Remember that you are talking from the paradigm of the connect; the disconnect would probably give you a different prospective all together. Please let’s wait and see. You know that we are capable of tackling anything – we’ve proven that more than once.”
Michael got up and pulled me with him. We headed for the bathroom and the disconnect. While we made our way, Michael gave me a pep talk.
“Hellie,” he used MaSoeure’s nick name for me which felt good.
“If the disconnect is difficult please remember that I am on the other side of the door; be sure to use your whole body if necessary. When it’s my turn in there and you start to freak out, just come right in and get reconnected, you know I won’t mind.”
He opened the door for me but positioned himself in front of me halting my entrance into the bathroom. He put his arms around me in a calming but possessive way. I felt a jump in our connection – made me happy to realize that everything hadn’t changed completely. He stepped aside and I ran in to handle my business. I was fast as usual, peed and washed my hands. Michael opened the door when he heard the toilet flush. He stepped in, stood behind me while I washed my hands and applied lotion and asked, “Are you ok?”
I backed up into him to get the reconnect. He increased the effect by putting his arms around my waist. I left the bathroom but stayed in full-body contact with the door. The connection felt strong; I honed in on Michael to see how he was doing and was pleased to see that he was fine, no anxiety at that time. I still kept tabs. I brushed my hair and put lotion on my hands and Chap Stick on my lips. After quite sometime, I checked in on Michael to see that all was still fine and took the Michael Creighton book from my bag and started reading.
When I heard his “I’m coming.” I was all into the book. Either the connection was strong or I didn’t need it as much as before, I felt no stress but I was eager for him to be back.
He stepped out of the bathroom, wrapped me in his arms, kissed my neck.
“It’s awesome to be back; thank you for smelling so good.” That was yummy!
He took my hand and we went to the balcony – straight to the rail. Our ship was a dot in the ocean and we were dots in the ship and yet I felt terribly important. We stood there at the rail until the sun was too bright in our eyes as it was
