pounds?’
‘Mr. Probe, I am a greenhorn, and not versed in the diplomaticals; but it was not reasonable to come upon me in that way, without even knowing the name of the borough, and who were to be my constituents. That simple fact, Mr. Probe, shews you have been greatly mistaken in supposing my words of course contained a specific offer.’
‘Well, let that pass; all I had to say was, that my client was not indisposed to listen to your offer.’
‘Now, Mr. Probe,’ said I, ‘don’t your own words confirm what I was saying? If I had made an offer, would not your client have given an answer either in the affirmative or in the negative? And yet you say that he was only not indisposed to listen to my proposal.’
‘Well, well,’ said Mr Probe, ‘you attach a little more importance to the accidental word “indisposed” than I intended; and therefore you will excuse me if I request you to say in few words what you will give, that there may be no mistake this time.’
‘My principal,’ said I, ‘is a prudent man.’
‘So I perceive,’ said Mr. Probe.
And I added that, ‘I had told Mr. Curry I thought, and did think, five hundred guineas a liberal price.’
‘I shall report that,’ said Mr. Probe; ‘but it is too little.’
‘Then, if you think so, let the business end. I am very indifferent about the subject; and, besides, I have good reason to think that, under particular circumstances, seats can be had cheaper, Mr. Probe.’
‘My object, Mr. Jobbry, in being with you is to do business: it is nothing to me what you know or what you offer; I am but an agent.’
‘I see that,’ replied I; ‘you are the go-between.’
‘Well, well, that office must be done by somebody; let us make a minute of agreement for seven hundred pounds.’
‘No, no; five hundred guineas is the ultimate.’
‘You are a strange gentleman,’ said he. ‘Make it six hundred guineas, to end the matter.’
‘No,’ said I; ‘no guineas above the five hundred: but I’ll make it pounds, which you will agree is very extravagant.’
Thus, from less to more, we came to an agreement, and signed mutual missives to that effect; and a pawkie laugh we had together, as well as a fresh bottle of Carbonell’s, when it came out that Mr. Curry was ‘my client’, as I had jaloused; and that I was to succeed him as the honourable member for Frailtown, when he had taken the Chiltern Hundreds.
CHAPTER SIX
Having thus explained my popular election for the well-known ancient borough of Frailtown, as the member for which I made my appearance among the knights and burgesses in Parliament assembled, I will now proceed to relate what next came to pass.
It will be seen that I took my seat in the middle of the session, which many of my Indian friends thought was a souple trick, because the event at the time made no noise; whereas, if I had waited for the general election, that ill-tongued tinkler, the daily press, would have been pouking at my tail maybe, as I was going in, duly elected, among the rest of the clanjamfrey.
No sooner had I, as it was stated in the newspapers, taken the oaths and my seat, than I lifted my eyes and looked about me; and the first and foremost resolution that I came to, was, not to take a part at first in the debates. I was above the vain pretension of making speeches; I knew that a wholesome member of Parliament was not talkative, but attended to solid business; I was also convinced, that unless I put a good price on my commodity, there would be no disposition to deal fairly by me. Accordingly, I resolved for the first week not to take my seat in any particular part of the House, but to shift from side to side with the speakers on the question, as if to hear them better; and this I managed in so discreet a manner, that I observed by the Friday night, when there was a great splore, that the ministers, from the treasury bench, pursued me with their eyes to fascinate me, wondering, no doubt, with what side I would vote, – but I voted with neither. That same evening, more than two of my friends inquired of me what I thought of the question. By this I could guess that my conduct was a matter of speculation; so I said to them that, ‘really, much was to be said on both sides; but I had made up my mind not to vote the one way or the other until I got a convincing reason.’
This was thought a good joke, and so it was circulated through the House, inasmuch as that, when we broke up at seven o’clock on the Saturday morning, one of the ministers, a young soft-headed lad, took hold of me by the arm, in the lobby, and inquired, in a jocund manner, if I had got a convincing reason. I gave him thereupon a nod and a wink, and said, ‘Not yet; but I expected one soon, when I would do myself the honour of calling upon him’; which he was very well pleased to hear, and shook me by the hand with a cordiality by common when he wished me good night, – ‘trusting,’ as he said, ‘that we should soon be better acquainted.’ ‘It will not be my fault,’ quo’ I, ‘if we are not.’
With that we parted; and I could see by the eye in my neck that he thought, with the light head of youth, that he had made a capital conquest, by his condescension.
Now, this small matter requires an explanation, for the benefit of other new members. If a man has all his eyes about him, he will soon discern that a ministry, if it has three or four decent, auld-farrent men, is for the most part composed of juveniles – state ’prentices – the sprouts and offshoots of the powerful families. With them lies the means of conciliating members; for the weightier metal of the ministers is employed in public affairs, and to the younkers is confided the distribution of the patronage, – for a good reason, it enables them to make friends and a party by the time that they come, in the course of nature, to inherit the upper offices.
I had not been long in the House till I noticed this; and as my object in being at the expense of going thereinto was to make power for myself, I was not displeased at the scion of nobility making up to me; and I have uniformly since found, that the true way of having a becoming influence with government, is slily to get the upper hand of the state fry.
But, on this occasion, there was a personal reason for my so cleverly saying I would call on him for a convincing reason. My second cousin, James Gled, when he saw my election in the newspapers, wrote to me for my interest, knowing that I would naturally be on the side of Government, and stating that the office of distributor of stamps in our county was soon to be vacant. So it just came into my head in the nick of time to make a pleasant rejoinder to my lord; and accordingly I was as good as my word; and to make the matter as easy as possible, I told him, in my jocular manner, when I called, that I was come for the convincing reason.
I could see that he was a little more starched in his office than in the lobby; but I was determined to be troubled with no diffidence, and said, ‘My lord, you’ll find me a man open to conviction – a very small reason will satisfy me at this time; but, to be plain with your lordship, I must have a reason, – not that I say the Government is far wrong, but I have an inclination to think that the Opposition is almost in the right.’ And then I stated to his lordship, in a genteel manner, what James Gled had said to me, adding, ‘It’s but a small place, and maybe your lordship would think me more discreet if I would lie by for something better; but I wish to convince his Majesty’s Government that I’m a moderate man, of a loyal inclination.’
His lordship replied, ‘That he had every inclination to serve an independent member, but the King’s government could not be carried on without patronage; he was, however, well disposed to oblige me.’
‘My
