By this I mean gym, dancing, working out – any exercise that is designed specifically to alter the shape of your body. It takes lots of time, hard work and dedication, so be sure your motivation for doing it is health, happiness and increased self-esteem. It’s a matter of accepting that some things can’t be changed.
But of course, if you are a skinny, scrawny boy, adding a few muscles will go a long way to making you feel much better about yourself. Too much sculpting can cause injury and body distortion, so train with a professional.
Tattoos
There has been a resurgence of both tattoos and piercing in Western culture since the early 1980s. Tattoos are a permanent and definite statement. As you grow into late adolescence, you have more power over your own body and if you want to make deliberate changes to your body it will be a powerful statement about yourself. However, always consider the pros and cons of tattoos:
•Pain is involved.
•Tattoos are permanent (I can’t stress this enough).
•Parents and other authority figures (like possible employers in your future) may object, which will cause you grief – especially if the tattoo is very visible.
•A tattoo tells a story about you for all to see.
•There is a possibility of infection if an inexperienced tattoo artist does the work.
•A tattoo is a fashion statement and fashion is constantly changing.
•A nonhygienic environment and the using of old needles when applying the tattoo may put you at risk of HIV transmission.
•Henna tattoos can be a fun, nonpermanent alternative.
Piercings
Gone are the days when girls were taken for their first and only piercing of their ears. Nowadays ears, tongue, nose, eyebrows, bridge of the brow, lip, cheek, chin, navel, nipple and genitals are pierced – it has become the new body jewellery. Jewellery has always been there to beautify men and women – it is not only an indicator of wealth and status, but is used to enhance feelings of wellbeing and sexiness. Now piercing takes regular jewellery to another level: it modifies your body to your own individual specifications. For some people the experience is thrilling, while for others it is painful, although they see the final outcome as worth it. Unlike tattoos, piercing is not permanent. But always consider the pros and cons carefully before you decide.
Branding and scarification
These are extreme forms of permanent body modification. Branding involves branding the skin (as is done with cattle) with the name or symbol of your choice. Scarification is performed by making tiny cuts in the skin and inserting dyes in order to alter the colour of the skin. Or else the skin is burnt and designs are created with patterns of the scars. You really need to think carefully before choosing this as a way of expressing your individuality. Pain and permanence (yes – again! – permanence) need a lot of consideration, and parental reactions must influence your decision.
Impact of body image on sexual expression
See Your sexual script
Feeling fat, overweight, bloated, “fugly”? You may be one of the people who is getting the least action and attention of all your friends. Not because you are any of these things, but because you think you are. The way you feel and think about your body is the most influential factor in your sexuality. The beauty myth, the media, your parents, cultural and religious beliefs, and your own experiences in life all combine to create your self-esteem, including your sexual self-esteem.
Let me tell you, if you hate your hips, lips, breasts, penis or other body parts, there is no way that you are going to crack it in the world of relationships and sexuality.
It is really challenging to feel good about your body right now because of the adolescent physical changes – pimples, sweat, hair and differences in development between you and your friends.
Think of the young women who don’t eat at parties because they fear those calories and getting fat. They spend so much time before a date or party fantasising about the forbidden food that there is no space in their heads for a sexual fantasy. Think of the guys who need to get drunk at these parties. Their fear of not performing shuts down any horniness they may feel. They think they are looking attractive and making an impression on people, but in fact they are going to end up with a limp penis – and vomit all over the pavement. Not very sexy!
It is really challenging to feel good about your body right now because of the adolescent physical changes – pimples, sweat, hair and differences in development between you and your friends.
It is critically important that you weather the body storms now and during the next few years. Adults who end up with sexual difficulties often have a history of poor self-esteem and negative body image from the time of their adolescence. Teenagers who are uncomfortable with their bodies avoid social and possible sexual experiences, much to their detriment. Teens need to be sociable, survive the teasing and test their social and sexual skills in order to develop into healthy adults.
To help you develop a positive body image you will need:
•one full-length mirror;
•good lighting;
•privacy;
•time;
•commitment.
INSTRUCTIONS
I know the mirror is probably your best friend, and so it should be. How exciting to wake up to a new and different-looking you every day! Now I want you to deliberately and intentionally face your mirror a little – or a lot! – once a day. Watch yourself walking and examine your posture. Try out different ways that will make you feel more comfortable with yourself as you enter a room. Do it often enough and you will just glide into a room.
Making choices about your health helps with being a sexier person. It gives you the skills to make healthy sexual choices too.
Look at your body, I mean really look at your nakedness. Don’t just look for the flaws, bumps and lumps and give them a bad name. Look at the beauty of your skin – check for freckles, beauty spots, birthmarks, characteristics – anything that make you special and unique. See how the texture of your skin is different on each part of your body. Examine your nails and notice the different textures and colours of hair. Turn around and see your back; bend down and see your own butt in the mirror. Do this every day and you are sure to become more comfortable and therefore more confident about how your body looks. Avoiding the mirror or treating the image that reflects back at you badly almost surely guarantees you bad sexual play. Do you want to be a bad player? I think not, so be fair to yourself and practise in front of the mirror.
A healthy lifestyle
See SASSI (South African Sports Science Institute), under Resources
Looking attractive and feeling well cannot just be taken for granted. Some of us are born with “attractive” genes and the rest of us have to make sure we look good enough in our “jeans”. It requires effort and mindfulness. It’s about creating a lifestyle that is healthy, fun and interesting. It may be difficult to implement a healthy
