not spoken since he’d left her apartment three days earlier.
It was up to Lucy to make the first move. She was the one who’d pushed him away. She’d never said she loved him. Despite being distraught about her issues with her sister, she’d sounded very clear-headed where he was concerned. Learning to live with her decision was going to be difficult. Even harder was accepting it. Compounding the issue was having to continue to work together.
She’d taken care of her responsibilities, making meticulous notes on patient charts. His clinical nurse questioned him a couple of times about an issue that Lucy had noted but which she hadn’t directly spoken to him about. In fact, she refused to look at him. She was living by the letter of the law regarding their co-operative patient care but there was no spirit of partnership in her actions any more.
He grieved for her. Only by sheer iron will did he not go in search of her or ask about her. She’d made her feelings clear. How could they have been so in sync and now have an ocean-wide chasm between them? He missed the peaceful, quiet way she’d had about her. How she’d made his hectic, often stressful life easier just by being near.
Helping her was impossible. She had to work out her issues on her own. He’d offered her love and his support and she’d pushed them away. He was paying dearly for it.
The worst was the physical ache. His body craved her, making his nights almost longer than his sanity could tolerate.
Having a few minutes before starting his weekly paperwork, he headed across the street and into Central Park. He needed to get out, away. Clear his head. As large as the hospital was, it still closed in on him, knowing that Lucy was so near but still so untouchable.
He strolled around a bend on the paved walkway and there sat his nemesis and love of his heart. She looked out over the lake, her face held up to the sun and her lunch spread out on the bench beside her. His body went on full alert. Every fiber of his being wanted to reach out and snatch her to him. Thankfully, his pride held him in check.
Her eyes opened, widened. Had she heard him or just sensed someone was near? She looked as if she was debating whether or not to ignore him. She squared her shoulders and looked directly at him.
“Hello, Ryan,” she said. The sounds of the city were hushed by the foliage of the trees and bushes. The few voices he could make out were in the distance. It would have been a perfect opportunity to take her in his arms for a kiss. But if he did that he would want more. A little of Lucy would never be enough. He wanted it all and he wanted her to want it all too.
A thin smile came to his lips. She was tough. He’d give her that. Far tougher than he was. But, then, she didn’t care about him as he cared for her. She had never once said she loved him. Forcing a foot forward, he came to stand in front of her. “Lucy.” His traitorous body hummed, being near her. She’d crushed his heart and still he wanted her so desperately it was almost a living thing, crawling to be released. “Could I speak to you a minute?”
“I thought we’d said all that needed to be said.” Her flinch gave him a second of satisfaction before it turned to guilt. It shouldn’t be this way between them. “I’m sorry. That was uncalled for.”
Lucy looked around as if checking to see if anyone was paying attention to them. Apparently finding they weren’t, she said, “I understand. I’ve hurt you, and for that I’m sorry.”
The North Pole would become a heated swimming pool before he let her know how badly she’d hurt him. “It didn’t work out. We’re both adults. We know the score.”
She blinked then looked away.
He’d sounded harsh, he knew. But he couldn’t continue to do his job, live his life if he didn’t start getting a handle on his emotions where she was concerned. The first step was making clear to her that he was moving on.
“Ryan, about Miguel Rivera. His mother called. She’s upset because she’s having difficulty getting Miguel into a program designed for children with epilepsy this summer. It’s too expensive for her to pay for and she wanted to know if you would consider recommending he attend. She believes he would qualify for a scholarship on your recommendation.”
“Have you checked this camp out?”
“I have. I think it would be very beneficial for Miguel.”
Ryan shouldn’t have bothered to ask the question. Lucy was thorough, if nothing else. She looked at him, really looked at him, for the first time in days. Those beseeching eyes would have him doing anything. How he still wanted her! “Then I trust your judgment. See that the paperwork gets to my desk. If they don’t get the scholarship, let me know. I’ll pay for him to attend.”
She sucked in a breath.
“Don’t act so surprised. You’re not the only one who can be philanthropic. Put the paperwork on my desk, and I’ll sign it this afternoon.”
“Thank you, Ryan.”
“Is that all?”
“I’d really like to say one more thing.”
Ryan shifted his weight from one foot to the other, waiting. Something about the hesitant way she said the words made him think he wasn’t going to like what came next.
“I’m only saying this because I care about you.”
His mouth quirked and took on a dubious line. Lucy had the good grace to look contrite.
“I’d like you to think about why you have such a difficult time talking to families—”
“I’m not going to discuss—”
“Ryan, you need to hear me out. You’ve retreated behind the pain and sorrow of your father’s illness and death for so long that you can’t bring yourself to be near anyone else in the same pain. You’d be a better doctor, even a happier person, if you would try, just try to see that and be a little more open with your patients’ families.”
He glared down at her. She’d thrown what they’d had together away and now she wanted to give him personal advice?
Before she could say more or he could respond, a nurse from the floor approached them. “Hi,” she said with a smile.
As she passed Ryan asked, “Are you headed back in?”
“Yes,” the nurse said, surprise in her tone.
“Mind if I walk with you?”
She gave him a brilliant smile. “Sure.”
“Enjoy your lunch, Lucy.” He turned and fell into step with the pretty nurse, whose eager, encouraging eyes made him wish that he could see that same look coming from Lucy.
* * *
Lucy had cried so much in the last few days that she didn’t think she could ever cry again. She was wrong. As she watched Ryan walk away and heard the cute nurse’s laugh, she was afraid another sobbing session was coming on. She wadded up her meal and shoved it into her sack.
Her days and nights had started to run together. She hadn’t really slept since the night she had lain curled in Ryan’s arms. Going through the motions was the only way she could describe her
